this is no longer my blog

this blog is no longer

2006-03-02T14:34:00.000-06:00

may it rest in peace.
this site is just remaining open so that crazy spammers don't come and make it a site inappropriate for the eyes of children.
that has been known to happen.

follow up - read PREVIOUS post FIRST

2006-01-10T20:09:00.000-06:00

Well, we played our first dodgeball game. And, I think it is safe to say that we got annihilated. We didn't win a single match, however we had a good time and that is all that matters. Now the thing is that my ability to have children might be debatable... I got nailed in my fragiles.
There was also this man who some of the kids and I nicknamed "the freak" or "freakboy" or something like that last semester because of his large size and tendency to hurl the balls at inhuman speeds, with such ferocity that a savage grunt would erupt from his lips. He seemed to be gunning for me, and at least four times hurled these foam balls of death at alarming speeds coming within centimeters of my head. At one point he tried to blame it on my height. Like it was MY fault he was trying to knock my head off. I fail to see the logic in that.
One woman on our team was taken out with a ball to the face. Knocked her glasses nearly off her face, and she fell to the ground and was seeing double until we got her back to her room about 10 minutes ago. She was standing up, so really the guy that hit her should have been taken out of the game for the head shot. But that didn't happen. He stayed in the game and we got to substitute a person in for her.
Anyway, now I've got this adrenaline surging through my system and I need to figure out an appropriate outlet for my excess energy.
I will talk with all of you, my people, later.

on uncertainty

2006-01-05T21:29:00.000-06:00

I haven't been very good at updating this thing. To be honest, the idea hasn't even crossed my mind lately, and when it has I just think, "Hmmm... maybe later...." This is a hectic and uncertain time in the life of this church nerd.
Hectic because I'm pretty busy. Working, and getting ready to go on a school trip to Seattle, a committee meeting or two... Ok, so I'm not very busy, just have a lot on my mind, I guess. I'm excited about going to Seattle, uncertain about financial matters concerning the trip... yadda yadda yadda... you don't want to hear about that.
Things are uncertain because my future rests in the hands of other people. Up to this point in my life, I've had pretty good control over where I was headed. I chose to go to a little, liberal arts college in Nebraska. I chose to accept a position as a youth director after graduation. I chose to leave that position when I finally figured out it wasn't a good place for me. I chose to attend seminary in Iowa. My life has been guided by my choices. However, this next HUGE step in my life will not be determined by me. Sure, I filled out the forms, I answered the questions, I told them where I'd like to end up, but they still have the option to put me almost anywhere. In about a month and a half, a large group of people are going to get together, look over the forms I have filled out, and then make a decision that will impact the rest of my life. It's exciting on one hand, and unnerving on the other.
I ran across something that helped to read. It comes from good ol' Thomas Merton, and I want to share it with you all:

MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.
- Thomas Merton,

"Thoughts in Solitude"© Abbey of Gethsemani

all's quiet on the western front

2005-12-17T22:59:00.000-06:00

After having a hectic couple of weeks of trying to cram in all the work that I should have been wisely working on for much longer, the intitial feeling of turning in that final paper and realizing that I did not have any other school work to be done, I have to admit the feeling was a bit euphoric. While I did not run up and down the hallway screaming, I did knock on my friend's door and jump around and scream, "I'm dooooo-o-o-oooo-oo-o-ooooone!" As she had to finish a paper, she was not as amused or as excited as I would have hoped.

But now the excitement is wearing off, a bit. A lot of people have packed up and headed off to their various Christmas destinations. I don't leave for mine until Monday, because I have a SENIOR GRADUATION COMMITTEE meeting on Monday morning. The fact that we have to start planning that stuff seems a bit unreal. And, of course, I'm on the committee. I've always had a tendency to overextend myself. This year is no exception. In fact, it's like it has gone above and beyond the call of duty to prove the rule. Working in the Admissions office and the youth room on campus, co-vice president of the student government association, on the youth committee, on the Feminist issues newsletter team, in charge of planning our weekly evening vespers service (we've been doing Holden Evening Prayer lately... boo yah!), add into that schoolwork and a social life (very important!), and then two committees I'm on that haven't met yet (the senior banquet committee - the one that meets Monday - and then the senior gift committee. We've decided to all pledge enough money to redo the playground on campus, so that it is up to code for the wee ones. I'm super excited that our class has decided to do that, and I thought that since I have been a strong youth ministry presence on campus during my years, that I just couldn't NOT be on that committee. So, I volunteered.) Yeah. I have this desire to be plugged into the life of campus, I guess you could say.

But now, since Friday was the last official day of the semester, things have just kind of stopped. People are gone for break, the seminary has quieted down a bit, I have nothing going on or that needs to be done. I have had time to sit and think, and chat with friends, about first call assignment and how close graduation is and how soon we'll be heading out from this place into the Great Unknown. Makes me want to say, "Eek!"

Anyway, I will be heading to my parents' house for Christmas. I'll be leaving Monday after my committee meeting. I know that they have internet access, and so chances are that there will be time and opportunity to write, but I am unsure of my schedule. I know that my parents want to spend time with my older brother, so I can actually meet my niece. She's about a year old now, I think, and I have yet to see her in person. Of course, it's been more than a year since I have been back to my parents' house. And my brother and his family don't live too far from them. So, that would be why I haven't met her.

Also, over Christmas break I have rescheduled my approval interview with my candidacy committee. So, I'll be able to get that last step of the process out of the way. Plus, it's at the camp I worked at during the summers of my college years. And they have done a lot of building out there, so it will look completely different.

Well, then. Now that I've completely bored you all to tears, I will go. No need to pretend that this was interesting. I don't think that even I think any of what I wrote is worth reading. It's like the movie Billy Madison, when Adam Sandler does that long speech about the poky little puppy, or whatever, and the moderator says, "I think we are all a bit more stupid after having had to sit through that." Or something like that. I'm sure that's how most of you feel. But please keep coming back and reading. I assure you, someday somewhere I might, once again, pull something witty and humorous and intelligent out of the blackhole that now exists in my head.

it is finished

2005-12-16T14:23:00.000-06:00

I just turned in my last paper of the semester. I have too much energy to sit and write a real entry right now. I'm going to go run around the halls screaming. Be back soon.

i have no willpower

2005-12-04T14:06:00.000-06:00

I KNOW! I know that I said I would be taking a break from this blog until I was finished with what I needed to do to finish up this semester. But the truth is, I enjoy my blogging time too much. I like putting my thoughts and observations into written form. So, I think that it is an outlet for me in the midst of this end of the semester busyness to be able to take a moment to write something down. I guess that means I'm going to disregard my earlier entry and continue to blog when I feel so moved.

And now I have an announcement... My first call forms are filled out and have been sent in. These forms which will directly impact the next few years of my life... heck, who am I kidding, the REST of my life... are filled out and I've e-mailed them off and now I can't change anything about them. Immediately after I e-mailed them to the place where they are supposed to go I read through them. I second guessed some of my answers, thought I should have worded some of them differently or better, wondered if I should have even said some of the things that I did, or added some things that I had chosen to leave off. I freaked out a bit about the order I put to the preferences that I chose. There were some synods that I thought about choosing, where people I know and love currently live, and that are doing great things to minister to people in their context, but I didn't feel like they had as many opportunities to do the ministry to which I most feel called. There are some synods that important people have recommended that they think I would find more opportunities to find my ideal call. The only thing about some of those synods were that I have never lived near them and I don't know very many people in them.

I decided that following the call of God is not supposed to be easy and safe. It reminds me of a conversation that takes place in The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe (soon to be released as a major motion picture!! go see it!!!) where Susan and Lucy are talking to Mr. Beaver about Aslan:

"Aslan a man? Certainly not. I tell you he is the King of the wood and the son of the great Emperor-beyond-the Sea. Don't you know who is the King of Beasts? Aslan is a lion-- the Lion, the great Lion."
"Ooh!" said Susan. "I'd thought he was a man. Is he--quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion."
"That you will, dearie, and make no mistake," said Mrs. Beaver, "if there's anyone who can appear before Aslan without their knees knocking, they're either braver than most or else just silly."
"Then he isn't safe?" said Lucy.
"Safe?" said Mr. Beaver. "Don't you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about being safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you."

Following the call of God in my life isn't about being safe. It's about prayerfully considering where God might be calling me to go, and going there. Sure, there will be some fear. My knees will be knocking. But it will be good. And so, I decided to go ahead and follow the little tug that I was feeling and I put down the unknown, distant places first.

And I'm not going to lie. There is definitely some fear. Some wondering if I made the right choice, but also reminding myself that it's done. I can't go back and change anything. I just need to wait and trust that God will work through the process and will call me where God needs and wants me to be. And that, my friends, is much easier said than done.

leave taking

2005-12-01T12:01:00.000-06:00

Well, it's getting to that time of the semester when one gets bogged down by trying to cram 14 weeks of work into the remaining two. It's a little bit of a struggle for me to keep my head above water at this point, with papers due and first call paperwork needing to be finished and books to read and projects to finish up. Unfortunately, some things need to give, and I'm afraid that one of those will need to be this blog. But do not fret! This is not good-bye. It is merely a "see you later" until I finish what NEEDS to be finished. And, I'm sure, I will continue to poke my head in here, if only briefly. Maybe just to drop a note to say that I am, indeed, still alive and kicking. And who knows. My resolve to focus on what I should be focusing on might not be that great. Or I might be struck with some great idea that I will just need to share with my blogging community. In that case, I'm sure I will find my way back here among you all. But, for right now, my intentions are to spend my time wisely on the work that needs doing.
Blessings during this holiday season, and I look forward to engaging in conversation with you all again, when I get to a point in my life where I am more capable to do some engaging.

birthday gospel

2005-11-27T21:51:00.000-06:00

I've seen it in a couple of different spots, so I thought I'd try it out here.
Here's what you do: You take the month and day of your birthday, which in my case would be April 4th (4/4), and then you look up that chapter and verse in the four Gospels. Here is what I came up with (according to the NRSV):

Matthew 4.4
But he answered, ‘It is written,“One does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.” ’

Mark 4.4
And as he sowed, some seed fell on the path, and the birds came and ate it up.

Luke 4.4
Jesus answered him, ‘It is written, “One does not live by bread alone.” ’

John 4.4
But he had to go through Samaria.

i'm back

2005-11-27T16:56:00.000-06:00

So, I've returned from Thanksgiving with the family. It was good to see them all, as the last time I saw them was a year ago when my maternal grandfather passed away. Needless to say, a lot has changed since then. For instance, one of my nieces was born, and the other walks around unaided and now is saying all sorts of fun things. It was fun to spend time with them, and play with my two year old niece, and to hold my newest niece. Oh yeah, spending time with my parents and brother and sister-in-law was good, too.
Anyway, it's back to the grind now, with a paper being due Tuesday and then another due on December 5th and then another one due sometime soon after that. Ugh. Double ugh. And I'm supposed to show my room to a prospective student this Tuesday and right now my room is a sty, and I have no idea why I agreed to show off my room. I'm deficient.
So, rather than working on that paper or cleaning my room or anything else productive, I'm watching MTV and typing in my blog.
I am a champion of time management.

elca bloggers?

2005-11-22T17:41:00.000-06:00

Okay, first, I guess I actually am finding time to blog today, so those of you who read all of next weeks blog entries in one sitting actually do have something else to read now. Although, it probably only pertains to a small portion of you (so, probably 1 out of the 10 of you that actually read my blog...).
I have noticed that there are webrings for episcopalians and methodists and other denominational bloggers. I was thinking about starting one for those of us who claim the ELCA as our church home. I'm not sure if there already is one, or not. Does anyone know? If not, would you be interested in joining one? And would you then spread the word to all of the other ELCA bloggers that you know?
Let me know if there is one, or if there is interest for one, and we can go from there!
Blessings!

something redeemable about today

2005-11-15T17:53:00.003-06:00

IT'S SNOWING!!!!!

* * *

* * * *

* * *

* * * *

it's happening again...

2005-11-15T14:10:00.000-06:00

It's not logical, really. I mean, it's 40 degrees outside and rainy. There's nothing that should really be causing these feelings to resurface. Although, I suppose, it was time. I mean it HAS been a while since I've gotten one of these urges, and they do come around pretty often. I just thought the way things are going right now that I would be thinking about the too many other things that are going on in my life, and what with the gloomy weather, I didn't think there would be anything that would spark these feelings for a while, or at least as strongly as they have been sparked right now.

So, I suppose you are wondering what the heck I'm talking about, right? Well, my friends, that would be camp. Lately I have just been hearing that little voice say, "Church camp rocks. You should totally work there full time. Wouldn't that be awesome? A lot of the things you love - church, youth, outdoors, ministry, God - all rolled up into one exciting, messy, awesome, fantastic, crazy burrito." (Yes, the voice used a burrito as a metaphor for camp)

So I've been spending my freetime looking through scrapbooks of my time spent at camp and various youth events. I've been checking webpages of some of my favorite places on earth, as well as reading the newsletters I get in the mail. I've been hoping that these little things will give me my "camp fix" however that just doesn't seem to be helping. If anything, it is more like adding kindling to the spark and making it an actual fire. Ugh.

perhaps some follow up

2005-11-12T22:06:00.000-06:00

It seems as if an entry so optimistic and lovely as my previous one deserves some follow up.

I took some medicine and my head ache went away.

After my day really got started, I wasn't tired anymore.

My clothes got washed.

My car got cleaned out (it wasn't as messy as I thought, so it didn't take as long).

I showered.

And the day was busy but there are a lot of great people here. Almost 25 prospective students, and if you add significant others and friends and family, then we're up to about 34 or so. That's pretty good. The ones that I have met and had a chance to talk to and whose stories I have gotten to hear are great and wonderful and amazing children of God. If a third of these people end up coming to our school, then we will be tremendously blessed. Praise and thanks be to God, for God continues to raise up good and faithful leaders to carry out the mission of God's Church. Alleluia!

However, now I have some reading to do and a few other odds and ends that didn't get done today. So I must go and do them. And then there is the sleeping. Great and mighty shall be the sleeping.

p.s. We did Holden Evening Prayer by Marty Haugen tonight [aka, for those in the know, Vespers '86*]. I LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE Holden Evening Prayer. Takes me back to my days in college, when we'd meet every Wednesday evening to worship. It just gives me such a feeling of God's presence to hear the gathered community sing such profound words to such moving music.

* Holden Evening Prayer was written by Marty Haugen in 1986 for the community at Holden Village near Chelan, Washington. They still continue to worship using this liturgy at least once a week. However, they call it Vespers '86, because it is a service of vespers written for that community in 1986. Makes sense, don'tcha think?

off to a great start

2005-11-12T08:26:00.000-06:00

I have a head ache, I'm tired, I forgot to wash my clothes for today, I still have to clean out my car so that I can take a few prospective students out to breakfast, I haven't showered yet, and in an hour and a half one of the busiest weekends of my life as an admissions assistant at seminary is about to start.

Things can only go up from here, right?

RIGHT?!?!?!?!???!!!???

i survived... however, NOW comes the big decision!

2005-11-11T09:25:00.000-06:00

The lock in went surprisingly quickly and surprisingly easy. It was a testament to the youth here on campus how well they were able to get along, despite the discrepancy in their ages. We had four fifth graders, a sixth grader, a handful of seventh and eighth graders and then a sizable group of high schoolers. Not once did I see anyone being mistreated for being younger or anything like that, in fact the high schoolers were very good at including the younger youth. The only reason we opened it up to the younger grades was because we were unsure if we would get much of a turn out from the older grades. When such a large group of them showed up, I began to get nervous how the dynamics would be, but they turned out wonderful.

However, here comes the big decision. I did not sleep at all last night. I just finished my hour and a half of work in the admissions office (my work study) getting ready for the prospective student weekend that starts tomorrow. I have nothing else going on today, except for a lunch meeting and then staffing the youth room at 3:30. I could use, and definitely wouldn't mind taking, a nap. However, we have one senior preach every week during chapel. Normally they are on Thursdays, however due to a convocation on inclusive/expansive language yesterday, the senior preacher was bumped to Friday. I have the need/desire to show up at every senior preacher's chapel to show my support for them. However, I am in my room now, and chapel started about one minute ago (it's about a 15 second walk from my room) and my bed looks very comfortable right about now. I'm thinking I might cave in to my weak, broken, human nature and crawl to that nice welcoming bed instead of going to support my colleague.

Is that bad?

saint, or glutton?

2005-11-10T14:49:00.000-06:00

Please pray for me now, and at the hour of my death... but ESPECIALLY from 7:00pm tonight until about 7:00am tomorrow because I will be at

the lock in!!!

Now, am I a saint because I am taking time out of my busy schedule to spend 12 hours with these youth? Or am I a glutton (for punishment) because I'm taking time out of my busy schedule to spend 12 hours with these youth? Is it a both/and thing and not an either/or thing at all?

Because of the way the age groups break down amongst the kids (children of seminary students) the lock in is open for all 5th-12th graders and they are allowed to bring one friend. There is no RSVP or registration deadline. They bring all their paperwork with them when they come. So, we have no absolute idea of how many kids we are looking at showing up. We've heard from the kids that come to the youth room regularly if they are coming or not, but not if they are bringing friends. The youth that don't come to the youth room all the time... Well, your guess is as good as mine, really.

So, yeah. I'm going to be busy this evening (of course, I love lock ins, and so I think that might be something that makes me think I'm more of a glutton than a saint). So, remember me kindly in your thoughts and prayers. I'll let you know if I make it out alive.

super hero clergy shirts

2005-11-10T00:33:00.000-06:00

So, I'm not tired and I just read some of the comments from my previous post, and my friend J's comments reminded me of something that happened my first year of seminary.

In the past, senior pictures were a very big deal. A copy of your photo was sent out with your paperwork to all of the bishops. When they looked at what your gifts and growing edges and ministry preferences and ideal locations, they also looked at your smiling face.

One senior decided it would be a good idea to get his picture taken in a Spiderman clergy shirt. He thought it looked good as well as demonstrated his personality. And, since he was paying for the pictures, he decided it would be okay for him to wear the shirt in his pictures.

The faculty and administration had other ideas, I guess.

I don't know specifics, but I do know that there was a pretty big stink about his choice of wardrobe. The F&A didn't like the fact that this picture of him in a Spiderman shirt would be what was sent out to all of the bishops. First, they didn't think it reflected well on him as a potential leader and pastor. Second, and probably most importantly, I don't think they thought that it was a good reflection on the Mothership. And so, they required him to get his picture retaken. I do not know if he had to pay the sitting fee again, or not, but he ended up getting his picture retaken and that is what was displayed on the wall in the composite of his class.

I do not know, with the advent of internet forms and all of those high techie things, if our photos are still sent out with our paperwork or not. However, I like to pick and choose the things I want to make waves about. I did not think that wearing a super hero themed clergy shirt was a wave worth making.

Well, that and I don't have a super hero themed clergy shirt... or a hawaiian print one, either (Sorry, rwk).

I assume that this story is what my friend J was referring to in his comment to my previous post, seeing as how that would have been the class that he ended up graduating with. I just thought that I'd take this moment of sleeplessness to fill in the rest of my loyal readers and share a fun story in the process.

is this really happening?

2005-11-09T17:40:00.000-06:00

Today I took another step on the road to graduation. A very important step, I might add.

I got my senior picture taken.

There was a lot of time put into this process by many of my classmates. Painstakingly choosing which outfit to wear, and calling on the insight of friends to determine the best choices of shirts and jackets and sweaters and collars. Women made hair appointments, got haircuts and dye jobs and styled. Men got haircuts and used more products than normal. I, on the other hand, got my haircut a week or two ago, so that by this point it would have had time to grow out and look a little more natural. I went back and forth as to what clergy shirt to wear - black shirt with the full collar or purple (bishop) shirt with the tab collar? In the end, I went with the black shirt with the full collar, just because I think I like that better.

So, after all this work and decision making and primping and whatnot, we had to go to this classroom at our appointed times. At 3:00 today I walked down, all decked out in my pastor clothes, walked into the room, paid my $25 sitting fee, sat down, the photographer took two quick pictures, told me to face the other way, took two more pictures and I was done. In two minutes. We spent all this time getting ready, making sure we looked our best, for two minutes of photos.

But, I suppose it's worth it because this picture will be around for a long time. I'll always be able to look at it and say, "This is how I looked my senior year of seminary. Damn I was fine."

my latest dilemma

2005-11-06T13:16:00.000-06:00

I think it has been a while since I've had and posted about a dilemma in my life. It's not for lack of having a dilemma, I mean, I have PLENTY of those. I guess it has just been a while since I've posted about any of my various dilemmas. So, I thought I would do so today. Here we go:

As a senior, about ready to graduate and enter the First Call process, I have a lot of paperwork to fill out. Information about myself, my gifts and growing edges, what kind of ministry I feel called to, what location I feel called to... a lot of information.

The parts about myself are not too difficult. I know most of the stuff that I need to write down, it's just a matter of making myself sit down and put in the work required to answer all of the questions. The kind of ministry question isn't that tough, either. It's just a matter of sitting down and articulating that I feel most called to be an associate pastor in a staff, ideally with some youth/young adult responsibilities as well as preaching and presiding responsibilities. As far as location, well, here is where the dilemma comes in.

I legitimately feel like I would bloom wherever I'm planted, depending on if I get the type of ministry to which I feel most called. Besides having family and friends in a few places, there is nothing that really ties me to one location. If you look at the First Call paperwork, there is a box that you can check that says that you are open to going anywhere. The next option is open to going anywhere with a few preferences, which you are given the opportunity to list. As I was looking over the paperwork, the "open to all" option seemed like the best option. I felt as if I was giving it up to God by letting the church know that I was willing to go where my gifts would best be utilized. Then I would be opening myself up to an adventure of going just about anywhere in these United States.

But then, some of the Bishops came to campus to meet and talk with students, primarily the seniors. In the panel discussion, one of them mentioned how he was not a big fan of candidates that checked the "open to all" box. He said he knows that students have preferences, and he would like to know what they are. He said he doesn't want to call someone to his synod who said they were open to everything, but then was upset when they got called to his synod, and that they'd rather have some input from the students as to where they see themselves serving. So when it was opened for questions, I raised my hand and asked the other bishops how they felt about checking the "open to all" box. They all agreed with him. They said that they know we have preferences, so why not list them.

After the panel discussion, we had time for some more informal conversation with the bishops at a wine and cheese reception. I gravitated towards one of the bishops from a northeastern state that will remain nameless (although it rhymes with Transylvania). After a couple of glasses of wine, I got to be pretty chatty with him. We talked about how I was thinking of checking the "open to all" box, because I really thought that would give me a greater chance of being placed somewhere based on my ministry preferences, and that I am really open to the adventure of going somewhere new and exciting. He discouraged that, and said that I should put down as preferences the synods in which I know I would most likely get into an urban setting and that had congregations large enough to have multiple staff. He recommended his own synod, which includes the city that means something about love between brothers. He even took my name so that he could remember to request me when the time came. I was extremely excited about the prospect of moving out there for my first call. It would be a great experience. However, after time, I have to admit the excitement ebbed. A part of me thought it would be scary to move so far away from what and who I know. The farthest east I have ever lived would be about 100 miles west of Chicago. I mean, I've visited east. I've been to Rhode Island and some other places out there. But I've never, by myself, moved somewhere so far away from my "home territory. " It kinda freaks me out, although, I have to admit, the idea of living in such a busy, diverse, exciting place makes me giddy sometimes.

So, my dilemma is that since the bishops say we should put preferences, I am going to put preferences. I just don't know what those preferences will be. Do I put down my home synod, where I will be close to family and many friends and in a place where I am well known both because of my dad and also because of my own work within that synod? Or do I put the synod where my good friend Mr Awesome and his family lives? Or do I put the synod in which I did internship, which would be a good place to live and in which to do ministry? Or do I put the synod in which a large portion of my extended family lives, whom I don't get to see very often? Or do I put down some exciting and far away locales that would provide great and diverse ministry experiences? I don't know!!!! I can't put them all, because we are only allowed to put down three regions we prefer, and then three synods that we prefer within those regions, and the places and people are so far spread out that I would inevitably have to leave someone out. Who do I leave out? Who and where do I include? Do I base my decisions on who I'd be close to, or do I base them on where I'd be and who I'd be serving?

Ugh.

commitment or insight?

2005-11-04T11:26:00.000-06:00

I think there is something to be said about having a commitment to regularly updating one's blog. It is often a good way to process/vent/brainstorm/idealize/mentally vomit. Also, if one has great aspirations to being one of those "blogbusters" (get it? like blockbuster? you know, those movies that do EXTREMELY well in the theaters), then it behooves one to consistently update their blog. This way, people don't get discouraged because there is never anything new to read when they check, so they just stop checking. Being consistent is a way to encourage people to come back and continue reading. Although, I'm not sure I want to be a "blogbuster." Not sure I'm ready or able to write for that kind of an audience. Also, it's a good practice in following through with something. I've decided to start this blog, so I'm going to do my best to continue with it.
There are plenty of reasons to consistently update my blog.

But then that begs the question: Should I update even when I don't feel that I have anything worth releasing into the blogoverse? Do I update even if I don't/can't think of anything to write?

In case you couldn't tell, today is one of those days. I felt as if I had neglected my blog for long enough and that I should come back and write something. However, I don't know that I have anything worth sharing.

I guess my question is this: Update regularly? Or only when I feel I have some that is of the quality worth sharing?

have you ever...?

2005-10-31T23:37:00.000-06:00

I remember playing the game "I've never..." where a person would make a statement like, "I've never licked a banana slug." And if you've never licked a banana slug then you'd stand up... Or maybe if you have licked a banana slug, then you'd stand up... I don't remember, exactly.
Well, anyway, there's this thing floating around the blog world, so I thought I'd fill it out. It kind of reminds me of that game.

Copy, paste, answer, add one of your own:

Have you ever...
1. smoked a cigar - yes, and even a cigarillo. I'm cool like that.
2. crashed a friend's car - no
3. stolen a car - no
4. been in love - no
5. been dumped - yes
6. dumped someone - yes
7. taken shots of alcohol - yes
8. been fired – well, yes... and then no... it's a confusing story.
9. been in a fist fight - no, although i did punch a kid in the nose
10. snuck out of a/your house - never had to. I was a good kid and my parents trusted me.
11. had feelings for someone who didn't have them back - yes
12. been arrested - yes. for a horribly stupid reason. but it's there on my permanent record...
13. made out with a stranger - I've made out with some strange people, but never strangers
14. gone on a blind date - no, although a friend tried to get me to go on a blind date, although it turned out it wasn't a blind date because I knew the girl... but then we didn't go on the date because the guy who tried to set me up on the blind date ended up dating the girl he was trying to set me up with... it was a summer camp thing
15. lied to a friend - yes
16. had a crush on a teacher - a couple, my first grade teacher was nice and my third grade teacher was cute, and my 7th grade math teacher was amazing.
18. seen someone die - yes, my grandpa. I was next to his bed when he passed away.
19. been on a plane - yes
20. thrown up in a bar - Probably. I've thrown up in lots of different places for lot of different reasons.
21. eaten insects/grubs/worms/larvae - i drank one, once...
22. miss someone right now - yes
23. laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by - yes
24. made a snow angel - yes
25. played dress up - yes
26. cheated while playing a game - yes
27. been lonely - yes
28. fallen asleep at work/school - yes, my senior high english teacher rearranged the seating arrangement so I was in front, thinking it would stop me from sleeping. Didn't work.
29. used a fake id - no
30. felt an earthquake - no
31. touched a snake - yes, not really a big deal...
32. run a red light - yes, just the other day in fact. After which my friend rejoiced because now she thought I couldn't make fun of her for her poor driving skills. Silly girl!
33. had detention - yes. my first ever detention was in 7th grade for writing the "b-word" on a gravestone in the computer game Oregon Trail
34. been in a car accident - no, a couple minor bumps but never an accident
35. hated the way you look - yes
37. been lost - yes
38. been to the opposite side of the country - well, i'm sorta in the middle, so there is no opposite side... but I have been to both coasts and up to the Northern Border and down to the Southern Border... so, yes.
39. felt like dying - This depends... Do we mean the "I was so embarrassed I could've died!!!" felt like dying where it's just an expression and not literally wanting to die? Then probably yes. If it's literally feeling like dying an actual death, then no.
40. cried yourself to sleep - not that i can remember
41. played cops and robbers - yes and cowboys and indians, but mostly superheroes
42. sung karaoke - HECK YEAH!!! I love singing karaoke!!
43. done something you told yourself you wouldn't - Unfortunately, yes. A lot.
44. laughed till some kind of beverage came out of your nose - yes, that burns.
45. caught a snowflake on your tongue - Well, I think that my body heat/breath usually melts them before they really touch... so I technically don't know if I have ever actually done this...
46. kissed in the rain - no
47. sang in the shower - yes, loud and proud. And now that my neighbor has moved out, I find myself doing it a lot more
48. made love in a park - nope
49. had a dream that you married someone - I think so... I've had dreams where I was married, so if we use our logic, then I had to have married her sometime...
50. glued your hand to something - yes, ususally on purpose
51. got your tongue stuck to a flag pole - no, a chain link fence, however? yes!
52. worn the opposite sex's clothes - yes
53. Been a cheerleader – did they really have to ask this question? For about three weeks my freshman year of college, I had a friend ask me because they thought the cheerleaders needed some men to be bases for their stunts. I went to a few practices and helped out at a game, but the women in the squad were far too bitchy and catty for me, so I quickly left.
54. sat on a roof top - yes
55. talked on the phone all night - Oh goodness, no.
56. ever too scared to watch scary movies alone – Well, I'm usually fine watching the movies... but if I need to walk somewhere afterwards, then that is usually when I'm scared. Even when it's in my house.
57. played chicken fight - in the swimming pool? no. on bikes? yes. with an oncoming car or train? um... yes, but I never lasted very long at all.
58. been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on - no
59. been told you're hot by a complete stranger - yes
60. broken a bone - just my toe
61. had a 3-some? - What kind of questionaire is this????
62. dipped snuff? - um... ew... no
63. lived overseas - well, I was alive when I was overseas... so, technically, I've lived overseas... but I have never claimed residence overseas
64. Ever passed out/fainted? - There have been some close calls, but no
65. blown bubbles in the wintertime - no, and this is a weird question...
66. slept in your car? - yes
67. given money to a stranger? - yes
68. forgot your birthday? - no
69. forgot your best friend's birthday? - yes
70. been in the presence of the Pope or the President? - no, but I have been in the presence of the Governor of Nebraska (Is that close?)
71. failed a test? - probably, though I don't remember
72. failed a class? - yes (not because I failed a test, but because I didn't turn in a major assignment)
73. accurately predicted a future event? - nothing Nostradamus-like, but I've said stuff like "If you say that to her, she'll hit you." And they have and she has.
74. slept overnight in a hospital without being a patient? - numerous times
75. realized a dream? - um... is this like had a dream, and then it sorta came true? Then no, I'm not that cool. But if this is like, having a dream, and then waking up and saying something like, "I just realized I had a dream!" then I've done that... although most people have, so I don't really see the need to include a question like that in the list. So, I'm guessing that this question is more along the lines of my first guess...

If you think I added question 75, you'd be wrong... and a bit weird, since it's obvious that I don't even really understand the question. I added question 21, because there was no 21, and that bothers me when there are missing questions in these types of things.
Maybe someday I'll explain a bit more some of the things on the list. Anything up there you wouldn't mind hearing more about??

shout out to me!

2005-10-31T11:43:00.000-06:00

So, in an attempt to waste time before lunch, I have been reading through some of my archives from a few months ago. I found a post that I wrote for a friend who is a camp director down south, which included words of advice that she could give to her staff members at the end of the summer. I won't include the whole post, just a paragraph that I read through and am proud of myself for writing:

Remember to see each camper as a child of God. Whether they're your favorite or not (and don't lie... we shouldn't have favorites, but EVERYONE does), whether they're cute or not, whether they annoy you or not, whether they poop their pants or not, whether they call you horrible names or not, whether they require more of your attention and supervision or not... Each one of them was wonderfully made by God, and is loved by God just as much as anyone else. Looking back at my experience as a counselor, there are several situations in which it would have been good for me to remind myself of this. Perhaps I would have handled things better, been a bit more patient, not raised my voice. Maybe I would have given more attention to a camper who needed it and a little less to a camper who was easy to love. Maybe I wouldn't have been AS glad when they're parents came to pick them up on that Friday. Or, who knows, maybe I would have been just as impatient or raised my voice just as much or given just as much attention to the cute, loveable one or did an extra happy dance of joy when they left. But I would have reminded myself that even though I might not like them, that doesn't mean that God doesn't absolutely and completely and wonderfully love them just as they are.

If you want to read the entire post, click here.

happy day of reforming

2005-10-30T18:42:00.000-06:00

Seeing as how it is Reformation Sunday, I feel as if to be able to keep my Lutheran Card, that I need to say something about this great moment in history. For those of you who don't know, Reformation Sunday is the day we remember when Martin Luther (no, NOT Martin Luther King, Jr. but Martin Luther, a German monk) boldly stood up against what he saw as injustices within the church.

I'd like to write more, however I have a paper due tomorrow that I need to finish, so that gets priority. Because it impacts whether I pass or fail this class. For some reason, my blog does not have that same kind of weight.

But, I will leave you with this challenge: Dare to be a reformer! Be willing to stand up against injustices! Work for justice and equality for all of God's children! Let's not have Reformation Sunday only because of an event that happened 400 years ago. Let's have Reformation Sunday because we are the Body of Christ, living and breathing and moving out in the world and constantly reforming.

did they really just say that?

2005-10-28T12:33:00.000-05:00

I was driving in my car today, listening to the radio, when a song from Nickelback called "Photograph" came on the radio. I was listening to the words, and I couldn't help but laugh at the first stanza. I thought to myself, did they really put that in their song? Here it is:

Look at this photograph

Every time I do it makes me laugh

How did our eyes get so red?

And what the hell is on Joey’s head?

I think it's that last line that gets to me. It just seems so absurd to put that in a song. But, it does make one wonder - What the hell IS on Joey's head? Inquiring minds want to know!

the door is swingin'

2005-10-28T07:25:00.000-05:00

Well, perhaps a few of you are curious as to what the faculty here at the Mothership had to say about me. Let me use a metaphor from my previous post: If the language from my faculty were a hinge, and my life was the door, then let's just say that my life is swinging wide open.

That's right, the three paragraphs that the faculty wrote about me were pretty amazing. They bring to light my gifts and where they see me excelling, and they also lift up my growing edges. I've decided that if I were a bishop and I went to the draft and read my language, I'd totally try to get myself in my synod (did that make sense? It's early...) So, yeah. The language is good. I cannot complain and will not be contesting anything with the faculty.

I've completed one more step on my road towards ordination. The next big step is my approval interview with my synod candidacy committee, but that is not until the beginning of December. I'm getting there, folks, slowly but surely. This train will eventually make it to the station, and then there will be much revelry and celebration. Woo hoo!!!

tomorrow is d-day

2005-10-25T19:41:00.000-05:00

I've been told on numerous occasions, by my friends and classmates, that I shouldn't be nervous. They tell me that I have no reason to worry about tomorrow, that all will be well. And I know that. Deep in my being, I know that. But that doesn't stop me from being anxious... Oh, heavens, am I anxious!

One of my friends compared herself, in the midst of this waiting, to a puppy. She said if she had a tail, she would totally be wagging, and she'd be staring up at the people and saying, "Like me! Like me! Like me!" I think that is a fitting metaphor for how I feel, as well.

You see, tomorrow is the day that the faculty finalizes our language.

What the heck does that mean, you ask? Well, I'm glad you did. Let me explain the first call process of the ELCA, as I understand it. At the end of our internships, we fill out evaluation forms. On the front page of our evaluation forms is a small box, where we get to write about ourselves and our call to ministry. Our supervisors fill out an evaluation form, too, and on the front of their form is a similar box where they are given the opportunity to describe us. The internship committee of our internship church gets the same opportunity. These forms are sent to the Contextual Education office of our seminary. Then, in our senior year, we do what is called Approval Interviews, one with our faculty and one with our home synod candidacy committee. Then, our faculty gets together and write a paragraph about our theological/academic abilities and then another about our pastoral abilities. I believe our candidacy committee writes a paragraph about us, as well. All of these paragraphs are then put on one page of paper, and attached to the front of all the other forms we have to fill out. These packets are what all of the bishops in the United States get to look at when they come together for the assignment process. The assignment process is similar to the NFL draft, but with pastors instead of large football players. So, these bishops try to pick the people they think will best fit the context of their synods based on the information in the packets, but primarily the paragraphs on the front page.

So, the work that the faculty will be doing tomorrow could impact the rest of my life. And it also gives me a clear idea of how the faculty views me. So, there's that need for approval, as well as the thought that, holy crap, tomorrow is like the hinge for the rest of my life. What these people decide to write about me could definitely determine in what direction my life swings. It's crazy and is causing me some anxiety.... I'm gonna go have a beer.

idiosyncracies

2005-10-24T22:10:00.000-05:00

I was tagged, a while ago, by my friend J to share with everyone five of my idiosyncracies. I have no explanation as to why I have not listed them until now. I am in bondage to sin, and cannot free myself. And by this point, really, the whole idiosyncracy fad has long ago burnt out in the blogosphere. But, of course, then I am just staying true to my character, because I am the child that got those Reebok Pumps high tops about a year after they were all the rage...
So, here goes:

1. I get extremely angry when I see people press the handicapped accessible button for doors when they don't need to. If they have their hands full or if they legitimately need it, that's fine. But I was at a certain denominational headquarters a few years ago, and person after person after person pushed the button when they had no reason to do so. They were just being lazy. And for some reason this drove me to new depths of rage that I had not yet reached.

2. I could never be a) a vegetarian or b) an Orthodox Jewish person because of my deep, undying, unequaled love of bacon. I believe, as is often said of beer, that bacon is undeniable proof of God's gracious and unconditional love for us. Why else would we be blessed with such wonderful, crispy goodness? I also have a deep love of cheese. I thought about including my love for all things cheese as a separate idiosyncracy, but I felt it was cheating. They are both food obsessions and so they can be considered similar and related. Bacon and cheese.... mmmmm.........

3. I have, and wear, liturgically colored shoes when I lead worship. It happened one day on internship, when I bought a fun pair of blue shoes. It just happened to be during the church season of Advent, which is when the sanctuary is decorated in blue. My supervisor said that I should wear them to church. So I did. Then I added red, green and purple to my collection. Here is a picture of my green pair.

4. I have a hierarchy of undershirts. Now, you'd think that all undershirts were created equally. But if you did, you'd be wrong. I have various, plain white t-shirts that I have bought at various times and locations, and some have more authority than others (sort of like Scripture). So, if all of my undershirts are clean, I will wear the Fruit of the Loom with no tags, first. After I have run out of those, then I switch to the Hanes with tags shirts. After those have run out, I have a few random shirts from a company I do not recall. They are the last ones that I will wear. Often times I do laundry before I get to those, so there really is no need to wear them. Why don't I get rid of them, you ask? Well, the answer is simple, really... Because if I get rid of them, then I will have to do laundry sooner. While I have them, I don't have to do laundry because I have the option of being able to wear them. Were I to get rid of them, then the option would turn into a necessity. So, therefore, I keep my hierarchy of undershirts intact.

5. Well, I don't know if this counts as an idiosyncracy, because I know that it describes A LOT of people, but I am a horrible procrastinator. There is nothing like leaving something to the very last possible moment before rushing to finish it, and freaking out because I don't think there is any chance that I will get it done in time. Almost every time I get it done, yet almost every time I still freak out.

So, there you have them. [Some of]My wonderful idiosyncracies. Finally. I hope that you have enjoyed them and found them worth the wait. You know what Heinz says about their ketchup... Good things come to those who wait. Hopefully it is true in this instance, as well.

i have nothing to say

2005-10-18T21:16:00.000-05:00

I do not have much to say. But, blogging has become a great procrastination tool for me, and since I have studying I should be (but don't want to be) doing, blogging seems like a pretty good option right about now.
I was approached by a professor today, who told me that someone had told him that they were impressed by my theologizing. I asked him who, and he said that he wouldn't divulge who it was, but that you couldn't get a much better compliment than to have this someone say that about you. Eventually, he hinted that it was the professor who intimidates (or used to, really) the heck out of me, and who did my approval interview. So that was a pleasant and great surprise to hear what was being tossed around among the faculty about me. Of course, now this other professor said that it has increased his expectations about me in the class I have with him. Drat!
In other news, because I was one of the seniors assigned to help with chapel this week, I was asked to assist with our service of healing, because today we commemorated St Luke the physician. I thought it would be neat, to participate in the laying on of hands and anointing with oil. Alas, it was not to be. Yes, I was still expected to help, but it turns out that my part in the scheme of things was to stand at one of the four stations with an ordained faculty/staff member, and hold in one hand the notecard that had the prayer that the ordained person would pray, and to hold in the other hand the little dish of oil used for anointing. As the service progressed, I thought that maybe at the end, the ordained person would anoint me and then I would get the chance to anoint her. Alas, that was not to be, either. Another station finished before us, so that professor (and the senior with him) came over and the staff member I was assisting anointed both of them. Then, she switched places with the professor and he anointed her. Then we all sat down. So, really, because I was a senior, I got to be a shelf. It was neat...
Anyway... I suppose I should go and be about doing something productive. Hopefully, soon, I will have something better and more interesting to share.

my hidden talent

2005-10-14T11:55:00.000-05:00

Your Hidden Talent

You have the power to persuade and influence others.
You're the type of person who can turn a whole room around.
The potential for great leadership is there, as long as you don't abuse it.
Always remember, you have a lot more power over people than you might think!

What's Your Hidden Talent?

Hmmm... first a post about how my professor and classmates agreed about the bishop thing... and then I find out my hidden talent is THIS???

Weird and eerie and unsettling all at once.

the morning after

2005-10-14T11:02:00.000-05:00

My sermon has been preached. Not only did I survive, but I managed to do so without vomiting. Always a good thing. I think I did a pretty good job. My personality came through in the sermon and when I was up in the pulpit I went back to the same comfort level that I had back on internship. It was good to be back in the pulpit again. It didn't even phase me that the people staring back at me were professors and classmates.
Afterwards, I received many compliments and "Good jobs" and the like. Some I think were from people who felt that was what they needed to do, whether or not they liked the sermon. Others were very heartfelt from people who didn't need to say anything at all. Several professors have complimented me, especially on my leadership presence. It is nice and fun and good to receive such compliments from people whose opinions you greatly respect.
Now, a couple things have happened because of my sermon:
1. In my sermon I deal pretty honestly with how worried and anxious I was concerning the professors I was assigned for my approval interview. (click here to read my entry on that). In the midst of my sermon, where I am talking about all of the things that can make us anxious in seminary, I mention the approval interview and how I thought I would be okay if I didn't get this one certain professor who has the ability to strike fear into my heart. And then I get the list of assignments and sure enough, I did, indeed, get this one certain professor and then I fear that I will not make it through alive... or something like that. Well, everyone knew who I was talking about (of course I already knew where he was sitting and I looked at him a couple times while I was saying that) and everyone laughed. He loved it and cracked up about it. Afterwards we chatted about it and he said, "Did you notice how everyone knew you were talking about me?" And now whenever he sees me he gets a big grin and waves. I think he gets a kick out of knowing that a large portion of the student body is intimidated by him!
2. In a small group after chapel, a classmate of mine came in and said "[Our professor for this small group, and also our academic dean] leaned over to me during worship and said, 'Don't you think he looks just like a bishop standing up there? All he needs is a pectoral cross!'" Well, then he came into class and told me basically the same thing to my face. And then all of my classmates basically agreed with him. I said that I wasn't sure how I felt about that. But now I have people calling me Bishop Mark. Eek!
So, those are two of the bigger results of my sermon from yesterday.
Anyway, it is close to lunch and it is beauteous outside, so I will run along and enjoy the nice weather before I gorge on some greasy cafeteria food.
Be blessed and be a blessing!!

me = nervous

2005-10-13T01:02:00.000-05:00

tomorrow (as in 8 1/2 hours) i preach during our morning chapel service here at the mothership. my sermon is finished, although i keep reading through it and thinking that there is something more i should say, or that i should add something, or that i should redo something. although at this point in time i have no idea what it is that i should say or add or redo. and, because i am the king of procrastination and waited this long to finish my sermon, i don't have time to sleep on it and read it again and think about adding something then. nope, because by the time i'm done sleeping it will be time to go to my morning class, and then to chapel where i preach. and, irony of all ironies, the sermon text is philippians 4:1-9 where it talks about not worrying but through prayer and supplication lifting things up to God. so, in my sermon, i deal with all the things in seminary that can be anxiety inducing (which is a lot). then i say something along the lines of that we don't need to have anxiety or worries about these things because God is near and present with us in the midst of these things. and even if we fail, or things don't go well, it is okay because our identity is not wrapped up in these things, our identity is wrapped in up in being a child of God and we have been called and claimed children of God through the death and resurrection of Jesus and not because of anything we have or have not done.
so really i should be practicing what i'm going to preach, and not worry about my sermon anymore, and remember that no matter how well it goes (or doesn't go) tomorrow, that i am still a child of God and God still loves me regardless.
anyway, i'm going to try to go to bed now. perhaps i will post an update when i have time tomorrow, post-sermon.

julio, our new goodwill ambassador

2005-10-12T11:44:00.000-05:00

If you remember, a couple of days ago we welcomed Julio the llama to our family here at Stumbling Toward Divinity. Well, he has now become our Goodwill Ambassador, and as a part of his new duties he met with Nelson Mandela.

We here at Stumbling Toward Divinity look forward to Julio's further goodwill missions, and are excited about the impact this will have on our international relationships.

now it's a waiting game

2005-10-10T09:55:00.000-05:00

In a not too distant post, I wrote a little bit about my anxiety surrounding the next step in my candidacy process. There were several things that caused me anxiety about this step. First, it's called 'approval.' Now, that might not seem too bad, but for someone who has lived their whole life with this need for approval (not really from my parents, they were amazingly supportive and approving. It was more in the other realms of my life, especially in relationships with my peers and teachers) the thought of being "denied approval" can cause a bit of anxiety. That fed into the anxiety that led to such thoughts as, "This is my fifth year of seminary. Five years is quite a commitment for any endeavor. What am I going to do if, after all of this time and money has been spent pursuing this, I am not approved?"
Truthfully, these two things didn't cause a whole lot of anxiety on their own. Especially the first thing. I've made great strides in my need for approval, and realize that not everyone will always approve of who I am or what I do. That is not a judgment on who I am as a person. So, if I don't get approved to continue on in this process towards ordination, it doesn't mean that I'm not a good person. It just means that the gifts I possess are probably best directed somewhere else. As far as the second fear, I knew that barring any horrible and tragic mishap during my approval interview, it would not be an issue. If there had been any concerns from the faculty, I would have been alerted of them before I got to this point.
Now, notice I said "barring any horrible and tragic mishap." That could mean a lot of things, but for me it meant mainly having one of the faculty interviewers ask me a question which I could not understand or for which I could not come up with an adequate response. Then, I would be left sitting there, under the judging glares of these two faculty members, desperately seeking their approval and knowing that, at that moment, I wasn't receiving it, and fearing for my future in the Church.
The way the interviews are set up is that each senior student who is seeking approval is assigned two faculty interviewers. The first one is their academic advisor and the second is whichever faculty member their advisor is teamed up with. Entering into this process, there was already something that was causing me a bit of anxiety. The professor who had been my advisor for my first three years of seminary decided to go on sabbatical during my senior year. So this woman who knows me very well, has struggled through some issues with me, and who I get along with very well decided to take a sabbatical that, unfortunately, coincides with the biggest step in my candidacy process.
So I had switched to another professor who I felt knows me pretty well, and with whom I was comfortable. But now it was a matter of waiting and seeing who he would be paired with. I thought that I could handle most of the professors, but there was one in particular that made me nervous and I was pretty sure that I did not want. I did not have much experience with him and he is well known for asking very tough to answer and extremely difficult to understand questions. So, if you remember the "tragic mishap" scenarios I was playing out in my head, you would understand why I did not want that man to be my second faculty interviewer.
And, of course, in a moment of Divine comedy, this man was indeed assigned to be my second faculty interviewer. I posted part of my reaction here.
As the time between finding out this man would be my interviewer and the interview itself grew smaller, I grew less and less nervous. Through conversations with people, and being reminded that I would be aware of any issues that might get in the way of my approval, and my being reminded (by myself and Someone Else) that I am indeed authentically called to ordained ministry, my anxiety level was tempered greatly.
Until the morning of my approval interview.
A lot was going on that morning. I had to get up at 4:30 to meet friends at 5:00 to drive them to the airport, so that they might go to Cancun. I then had to hang out with their 9 month old son, who I simply adore and absolutely love, for a while until the daycare opened up at 6:30 so that I could drop him off there. We watched The Wiggles together. Then I had to shower and get ready and go over the essay that I had written so that I was ready to answer any questions about it. I was over in the classroom building by about 10 after 8, nervously walking around and running through possible questions in my head, trying to come up with the perfect answers.
So, anyway, the interview went very well. I was not asked questions that I was unable to answer, and I understood everything that was said to and asked of me. I think I had some kick-butt answers (a couple of which, in conversation with a couple other people, I found out were very close to things that the intimidating professor had said himself). So I am almost positive that I successfully completed the interview and will be approved by my faculty for ordained ministry. Now it's just a matter of going through the interview with the candidacy committee from my home synod.
And it's also a matter of waiting to read the language that will come out of my faculty interview. There are several forms which the bishops receive before the first call process for seminary graduates begins. In these forms are paragraphs written by different people concerning the candidate. We call these paragraphs the "language," and they are written by the faculty, by our internship supervisor and by ourselves. Much of what is written in the paragraph by the faculty comes out of our approval interviews. They let us read these paragraphs, and we have the opportunity to contest any of the language we don't approve of, before they are sent out to the bishops. While they give the bishops some idea of who you are and what you're about, they really let you know what kind of opinion the faculty has of you. I think that is what matters to me most, knowing how the faculty sees me and what they think of me. It's that whole need for approval from teachers thing. Of course, we don't get to see them until the end of this month. So I won't know one way or the other if I am approved, and I will not get to see what opinion the faculty has of me until the end of this month. Although, realistically, it is not that long to wait, it definitely feels like it is years away.
Anyway, I've spent much more time on this post than I had originally intended. I have much reading to do and a sermon to begin to prepare for chapel on Thursday. So, I had best be off and about attempting to something a bit more productive.

youth room does NOT equal day care

2005-10-08T08:21:00.000-05:00

Because the Mothership stresses the importance of community, and because it attracts a large number of families with children, we have such things as a youth ministry committee whose job it is to plan and implement activities for the youth on campus. One of the things that they provide for the youth is a youth room, which is open for a couple of hours after school every weekday. There is a work study position for a student who wishes to be in charge of the youth room and staff it for the hours that it is open. This year, we convinced the administration to pay for another student to staff the youth room part time, just so that there are often two adults in the youth room.
I am one of the adults that staffs the youth room. I don't get paid for a full work study position because the funds were not there, and also because I have another job on campus which I enjoy and appreciate (most of the time). Because I only am supposed to work half of the hours that the other student does, he is always there when I am working. Yesterday, however, was an exception.
We have a long weekend this weekend, for reading and research days. Classes resume on Wednesday. So my co-worker and his family went back home, where he farms with his brother, so that he could help with the harvest. He asked if I would be around and available to staff the youth room Friday and Monday while he is gone. I said it wouldn't be a problem.
Now, the youth room is there for the youth on campus. In the past we've had non-seminary kids from the neighborhood come and participate in activities and hang out in the youth room. There are two young boys in particular who have been around and participated in some activities since I started seminary.
Now, the line has always been kind of hazy about including off-campus youth. Do we, as the seminary youth ministry committee, limit our ministry to children of students, and therefore exclude other interested youth? Or do we see what we are doing as ministry and outreach to the neighborhood youth? I don't know that we've ever made a decision one way or the other, but I think yesterday the decision was made for us.
The two young boys that keep coming to campus, Shane and Sam, have been coming everyday this year to hang out in the youth room. They know several of the seminary kids from school and they've begun feeling very comfortable around here. Yesterday was a bit chilly, and for a while I closed the youth room while we were all outside playing. Then, an on-campus child told me he was cold and wanted to go in. So I said that everyone else could keep playing but I was going to go open the youth room for those who were cold and wanted to go inside. A handful of youth followed me in, but before long most of the rest came in.
We have some older boys on campus who don't often use their better judgment. They also had three older non-seminary friends on campus hanging out with them. So, altogether, including Shane and Sam, there were about five non-seminary kids hanging out with us today. Two seminary youth, plus the three older non-seminary friends, and Shane went outside to play. They took this large, blue exercise ball along with them. We have made it clear to the seminary students and to the youth that we are NOT a daycare. Our responsibility is the youth room, and so if something happens with the youth, during youth room hours, but they are outside of the youth room, there is not much we can do about it.
Now, I saw none of this happen, I heard all about it later, so what I'm sharing now is second hand info. The kids outside decided to play "human bowling." You have a group of youth that are the pins. They stand together while the youth that is the ball holds this large exercise ball in front of him and runs at the group of pins. The intention is to charge into the group with the ball and knock everyone down. So the three non-seminary youth (Shane included) and one other seminary youth were the pins. The two older non-seminary boys were in front, Shane was pulled into the group in the middle, and there was a seminary youth in back. I guess Shane had said that he didn't want to do it, but he kept standing in this group. When the other seminary youth came running at them with the ball, the two older non-seminary youth stepped out of the way, and Shane was knocked to the ground. Whether he was embarassed or angry or legitimately hurt, I'm not sure, but he began to cry and came inside. He didn't come back into the youth room, but called for his brother Sam from the hallway. I just figured that it was time for them to leave, so I didn't pay much attention. Then Sam came back in and said that his brother was crying because the two seminary boys had been mean and hurt him.
I walked out into the hallway and spoke with Shane, trying to figure out what happened. He was able to sort of tell me what had happened, but mainly all I knew was that the large exercise ball was involved and he was knocked down. I told him that there really wasn't anything I could do, because it happened outside and I'm not in charge of what happens outside, but that I would go talk to the other boys. When I opened the door, I noticed that two of the non-seminary youth had already run away, so the only ones out there were the two seminary youth and one other non-sem youth. I stood in the doorway, holding the door opened and asked them to come over and explain what had happened. They began explaining, but Shane who was in the hallway and within hearing distance, began shouting and calling them liars and such. I told him that wasn't helping and asked him to stop it. He did, for about two minutes. So I stepped outside and talked with the boys. They told me the story that I relayed above. Shane had been involved in the game, knew how it worked, but then got mad when he got knocked down, so he came inside and tried to get the others in trouble.
I went back inside, repeated to Shane that since I did not see it and it happened outside, there was nothing I could really do about it. The only advice I had for him was that if he didn't like hanging out with seminary kids, then he probably shouldn't hang out at the seminary. Then I went back into the youth room.
During this time, Sam had called their mother and was talking on the phone with her. She wanted to talk to Shane, who was in the sniffly final stages of crying, so she could tell something was the matter. I guess, then, Shane and Sam walked home and their mother, determined to find out what happened, brought her boys and her older daughter back to campus and came into the youth room.
"Are you supervising?" She asked when she walked in and saw me.
"In here, yes." I answered. She made some sort of face and turned to her son.
"Okay, what happened?" He repeated his story which he had told me, and I still couldn't figure out most of it. Really, all I could understand (again) was something about the ball and him being knocked down.
That's when I made some comment to the mother about how it happened outside, and they all knew that if I was in the youth room and not leading activities outside, that I wasn't in charge outside and there wasn't much I could do.
"Well, we're finished here." She said, turning around to walk away. "Great Christian activities you have going on here." and she walked back out to her van, taking her kids with her.
So every kid (and me included) were a bit taken aback by that exchange and there was some tension in the air after they left. I responded by cleaning the youth room and telling the kids just to forget about it and to continue having fun. One of the seminary youth who was involved in the incident said that he was going to run home quickly and get some quarters for pop. He went outside but then quickly came running back in and said that the woman and her kids were still in their van outside and that when he had gone out she stepped out of her van and yelled at him, saying if he laid another finger on her son she'd have her nephew come and beat him up.
So when he told me this I went running outside, but she had driven away by then. So he went home to get the quarters and told his parents about the whole exchange. They laughed about it, and just told him to stay away from the kids.
So that is what happened in the youth room yesterday. That is what fueled my decision to, unfortunately, recommend to the youth ministry committee that we don't allow non-seminary youth to hang out in the youth room. I think we need to realize that we are here as a ministry to the youth on campus and to minimize problems and concerns that we need to limit our ministry to that.
I have, however, had several parents tell me that if she comes back and says anything that they volunteer their services to have some words with her. She doesn't know who she's messing with!!!!

me and julio down by the schoolyard

2005-10-04T13:41:00.000-05:00

adopt your own virtual pet!

this is my llama. his name is julio. if you click on his body, he does this weird noise and rears up on his hind legs. if you click on his neck, he just makes a weird noise.
i found a different llama on another blog. i clicked on his neck and he made that weird noise. so i clicked and held the button down. i laughed a lot. i've done it many times since then, and i always laugh. i can be a bit juvenile sometimes.

when the horse met the carriage

2005-10-04T10:42:00.000-05:00

Several months ago, when I was still in the distant land of Internship, I received a call on my cellphone. Of course, as is too often the case, I did not have my cell phone with me at the time. So, when I returned from whatever it was that I was doing, and saw my cell phone, there was a voice mail message waiting for me.

I listened to the message and, I have to admit, was a bit floored. It was definitely NOT a call that I had been expecting. In fact, I didn't even think that it was a possibility. Two good friends and classmates from seminary were getting married and they wanted me to be the assisting minister at the ceremony.

I wasn't floored that they were getting married. If I remember correctly, they were engaged before we all left the Mothership for internship. So, I knew that there wedding was a future reality. What floored me was that they asked me to be the assisting minister.

You see, I had already talked to mutual friends who had been asked to be involved in the wedding. I had come to the conclusion that since I had not already been asked, that I wasn't going to be in the wedding. I was okay with that. I figured they had families and friends, and both of them being seminary students they had a plethora of people to be involved in the wedding in some fashion. I would have been happy just to be there. But here was this phone call, after I had come to the conclusion that I would not be in the wedding, asking me to be involved. And not as an usher or guest book attendant or a reader or something like that. But as assisting minister!

Well, anyway, the wedding was just this past weekend. It was a great day. The wedding was well planned and put together. The reception was great fun, and I had a good time enjoying the open bar and dancing the night away (while still dressed in my clergy collar). I decided I was not going to let the fact that I was dressed in a clergy collar affect the way that I would celebrate. I could have taken the collar off, but I decided not to do that either. The photographer followed me around for a large part of the evening, because I think she thought the fact that the "pastor" was dancing and having a great time was too good to not take pictures of. A friend told me that they had figured out where they needed to stand to get in pictures: with the small children who were there, or next to me.

So, congratulations M and K! I have been blessed to know each of you individually, and am delighted and thankful for how much happier and fulfilled the two of you have seemed since you've been together. As someone mentioned at the reception, with the way marriage has become so impermanent, it is always great to see a marriage that you think will last. This is definitely one of them. God bless you as you begin your lives together. It was a great honor for me to be able to participate in your ceremony.

I've got a slogan

2005-09-28T23:12:00.000-05:00

and here it is:

Tough on dirt, Gentle on Mark.

And my blog's slogan is:

The Future's Bright. The Future's Stumbling Toward Divinity.

Find out your personal slogan. Go here: http://www.thesurrealist.co.uk/slogan.cgi

my politics

2005-09-26T09:17:00.000-05:00

A bit of free time fun!

You are a
Social Liberal
(68% permissive)

and an...
Economic Liberal
(6% permissive)

You are best described as a:

Socialist

Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid

(in the top diagram, the little circle that says "you" is smack dab on top of the word "socialist.")

I wanted to show the graphics where it shows you where famous people fall in these typologies, because in it, I get to hang out with Hillary Rodham Clinton, Mahatma Gandhi, Bono, Martin Luther King Jr, Mikhail Gorbachev, John Kerry and Adam Sandler. Sounds like a fun bunch to hang out with!

am i listening?

2005-09-26T00:05:00.000-05:00

As you may have noticed, I've been blogging A LOT lately about youth ministry and my calling to ministry and my first call after I graduate from seminary. When I began this whole process towards ordination, I commited myself to being open to God's call in my life and following where that leads.
There are two types of "call." There's the internal call, which is the feeling or drive inside to pursue a vocation in ministry. Sort of like an inner voice encouraging you to pursue it.
Then there is the external call, which comes from other people outside of ourselves. Those would be the people that say things like, "Have you thought about becoming a pastor?" or "You definitely have gifts for outdoor ministry, have you thought about pursuing that?" It is when people point out your gifts and encourage you to pursue using them.
So, you've all been privileged enough to read about my inner sense of call, and what is going on in that department. Today, however, something happened at church that got me to thinking, especially because this has been on my mind lately. If it had happened any other time, it might not have had much of an effect on me. But, given what I've been thinking and processing lately, it made an impact.
It was after the service, and we were all walking out. I shook the pastor's hand, as I always do, and we exchanged greetings. Usually we just say Hello, and he asks how classes are going, and I say they're going pretty well and keep going so that the line keeps moving. But today, as I was shaking his hand, he said that they had met with the youth to talk about youth activities. Several of the youth had mentioned that they thought I was pretty cool and that they should get me to help out with some of the activities. So, the pastor said, I should be expecting a phone call from the church sometime.
Now, I know it's not a big, blinding flash of light on the road to Damascus sort of event. And I know there's the distinct possibility that I might be reading more into this than I should be. And perhaps I am, but it also seemed like it was a still, small voice saying, "You have gifts for this ministry. People recognize those gifts. You will continue to be called to use these gifts."

here's what i am thinking now...

2005-09-23T07:50:00.000-05:00

If you've already read this post, please read the recently added disclaimer at the bottom! Gracias!!

Why do people make it sound like it will be such a waste if I become a pastor whose focus is youth ministry? It sometimes sounds as if I don't use my gifts for the entire church, then I'm somehow squandering or wasting or misdirecting them. Ministry to/with/alongside youth IS ministry to the whole church! I think that the church becomes a one-eared Mickey Mouse when you have the pastors, who minister to the "whole church" (we'll talk about that in a second) and then you have the youth director who is in charge of the youth stuff. That is what fragments and separates the youth from the rest of the church body. But if the youth see the person who had a lock-in with them or who took them out for coffee or who is willing to sit and chat and listen to them up in front of the church preaching or administering communion, then I think they're more likely to feel as if they are a valued and valuable part of the community.
Before I took my job as a youth director many moons ago, one of the co-pastors at the church was very much involved in youth ministry. She led a lot of the Bible studies, planned some of the activities, and chaired the youth ministry committee. The minute I came on board, she dropped all of that (except for chairing the youth ministry committee, but that's because she wanted me to know that she was still my boss). As soon as there was someone else to do the work, involvement in the youth program became the lowest thing on her list of priorities. What kind of message is that sending the youth?
Being a youth pastor WILL NOT be a waste of my gifts. It does not mean that I cannot or will not be able to do ministry to/with/alongside the rest of the people gathered in that congregation. What I think it means is that as a pastor called to the entire congregation, one of my main objectives will be to minister to the youth and include them wholeheartedly in the ministry of the rest of the church.
That being said, I still am not sure what I'm going to put on my paperwork...

Disclaimer: While there may be references to various comments I have received, I hope that no one who took the time to comment on my previous blog feels as if they are being accused or that their advice was not taken to heart. This entry is in response to many of the things that people have said to me, of which the comments on my blog are only a small part. I appreciate it when people take the time to read and comment on my thoughts and ideas and rants and raves, so please continue to do so, even if I seem to misinterpret your intent!! :)

don't diss the count

2005-09-21T17:18:00.000-05:00

So there are a lot of thoughts that are jumbled up in my head, that I am going to try to process here. I think it might be hard to translate them in such a way that makes sense to those not inside my head, but I'll try. Here goes:

I just got in from playing a large game of dodgeball with some of the seminary kids. I had a GREAT time. Interacting with youth is something that comes extremely natural to me. I love doing it and I seem to be pretty good at it.

Now, with my first call coming up (VERY SOON!!), I need to really start thinking about what kind of ministry I feel called to. If you asked me before these past couple of weeks, I would have told you youth ministry, no doubt. I thought my ideal first call would have been as an associate pastor with youth ministry responsibilities. It made sense because it is where I am comfortable.

However, as the senior class at the mothership begins to start the thought process about first call and filling out the forms that go along with that, I've gotten into discussions with many of my classmates about where we feel we are called. There have been several of my classmates and friends who have called me onto the carpet for all of the ways I discount and minimize my gifts. It is much easier for me to acknowledge the gifts of others, and I tend to think that I share none of those gifts with them. Last night, a group of us were at a local mexican restaurant imbibing in margaritas and beer and chips and salsa and queso. Somehow the conversation turned into how I discount my gifts, at which point one of them said, "Whoever think Mark discounts his gifts, raise your hand!" Every person at the table raised their hand. Dag, yo!

In discussion with a good friend of mine lately, she has told me repeatedly (most often through knowing looks or comments such as, "Remember what I told you!") that I need to realize the gifts I bring and the gift that I am. She has told me that she thinks that I want to settle into a youth ministry position because that is where I am comfortable. She thinks I might be a bit uneasy or afraid of the thought of taking on responsibility of a congregation outside of youth ministry. If it was one person, I might be able to discount what was said, but everyone at the table at the time she said it agreed. She has said that if I take a first call that is a youth ministry position that she will be very angry with me. The others at the table agreed with that statement, too.

So, that has got me thinking. I know that I have gifts in youth ministry. It is something I enjoy. But, does that mean that it should encompass my entire calling? I admit that that I feel much more comfortable doing youth ministry than some of the other responsibilities that fall under a pastor's umbrella. But, as I saw on internship, I have gifts outside of youth ministry it's just a matter of claiming them and using them.

When I fill out my paperwork, then, do I say that I want the focus of my ministry to be youth? Or do I just put that as an interest/ability that I have? I'm one of the first people to say that the youth of our churches deserve to be served by gifted and talented and called people. Often times the youth programs at churches get the straight out of college-I have no idea what I'm doing-type of people (I can say that, because I was once one of them). These people have a low retention rate and a high burnout rate. To accept a call as a youth pastor is NOT a bad thing or a waste of my gifts. But am I really called to solely youth ministry, or is it a comfort level thing?

I guess I have a lot of thinking to do...

although i'm lacking in creativity...

2005-09-18T23:40:00.000-05:00

I seem to be able to find things written by people who are not.
Through a random series of links, I happened upon this obituary. I hope someday that my loved ones deem it necessary to write me such an obituary as this one.
Read it. You'll understand!

A God With Whom I Am Not Familiar

2005-09-18T08:36:00.000-05:00

My good friend J over at Grover's Corners posted a blog that really makes you think. So, I thought if there were any people that read my blog that don't read his (although, he started his much later than mine and I think his has already surpassed mine in popularity) that I should direct them over there, if for no other reason than to read this post. He did not write it, but it is well worth reading.

And while you're there, why not read some more of J's stuff? It's pretty good.

click HERE to go read.

random meanderings

2005-09-17T13:28:00.000-05:00

There is nothing burning inside of me, wanting to be written in my blog. But I feel like procrastinating all of the reading I should be doing, and blogging is a great tool for procrastination. Therefore, I am blogging regardless of whether or not I will say anything of importance or that is worth reading in the blabbering and blathering that follows.

Once again, I was not surprised by what happened at the meeting for my class. We elected co-presidents and co-vice presidents with no problem. Several nominees for each category, actually. In a relatively short time we had people elected to sit in on the various faculty committees and a couple of our student led committees. Then, it came time to get some people to sit on the youth committee. Crickets. Although a couple of my classmates turned to me, expecting me to either volunteer or looking to nominate me. But, seeing as how I already have a position in our student association, I was unable to represent my class on another committee. So, what happened, you ask? We decided to wait until our next meeting to figure it out. Grrrr... I'm trying not to be angry or bitter, and reminding myself that not everyone has the same calling or the same gifts that I do, and many people do not have confidence in their abilities to work with youth. There are a lot of factors that play into the reluctance of my classmates to volunteer for this committee. But, I also get angry because I think a lot of it has to do with people not wanting to "waste their time" on the youth committee. And THAT pisses me off. But, I've already spoken to that in a previous post, so I will not continue to beat that dead horse any longer.

So, it's the weekend after my first week of classes in the first semester of my final year of seminary. I have A LOT of reading to do. A LOT. And I don't want to do it. But I know I need to. And I've had a lot of meetings. In my current position as one of the co-vice presidents of the association of seminary students (that's not the real name of the group, but if you take the first letter of each of those words it spells ass and that makes me laugh) it seems like I'm constantly attending meetings and being "official" and whatnot. Although, thank the sweet Lord, I did not get elected to the position of co-president (which is what my friend and I originally did) because the co-presidents attend all of the meetings that I do, plus faculty meetings and cabinet meetings and board meetings. Doesn't sound like much fun to me.

The next step I need to take in the candidacy process of the ELCA is what is called approval. This step is done in several stages. There is the approval essay (which I have written, and then I need to provide a copy to my candidacy committee in my home synod, my academic advisor and my second faculty interviewer (more about that in a second)), then there is my faculty interview which is run by my academic advisor and a second faculty member. Then, sometime this semester (or over Christmas break) I have my approval interview with my candidacy committee. Hopefully, I am approved for ordained ministry by both the faculty here at seminary and by my candidacy committee. I can also be postponed or denied. If I am postponed, there are some hoops I will have to jump through, and some things that will need to be done before I can go up for approval again. If I am denied, there are no other options. I'm basically out of the process, and these last five years of seminary have been a waste.
Normally, I wouldn't be too worried about this approval process. My academic advisor that I have had since the beginning of my seminary career, who knows me extremely well, has experience and practice putting up with my crap, and who doesn't let me get away with anything has always been a great supporter and advocate for me. She definitely believes in me and my gifts for ministry. However, she's on sabbatical this year. So, I had to switch to a different advisor. So, I chose the professor who I think knows me the second best, and who I am friendly with. He will probably ask tough questions, but I do not fear that he will enter the interview with the intention of making me cry or denying me approval. But, now here's the biggest however: He has been teamed up with THE professor that intimidates the crap out of me. This professor intimidates a lot of people, and many (including me) have tried to schedule their classes and lives in such a way as to avoid taking classes with this man. Except for systematic theology my first year, when I did not have a choice, I have not taken any classes with this man. So, of course he is my approval interviewer.
So, if you know me, then you know I have spent sufficient time freaking out. It has not been helped by conversations that go like this:
Speaker #1: I got Dr. E and Dr. R for my approval interview. I think it should be fun.
Speaker #2: Yeah, I got Dr. O and Dr. L for mine. It will be a little tough, but it should be fine.
Speaker #3: That's who I have. I'm just glad I don't Dr. F and Dr. P, that is the scariest team out of all of them.
Speaker #1: Yeah, those two would be the scariest.
Speaker #2: I am SO thankful I don't have them. Who do you have, Mark?
Me: Um... Dr. F and Dr. P
Speakers #1,2,3: (various combinations of "ooooh" and "ummmm..." and "well...uhh... that really won't be that bad....")
But, honestly, the more I get used to the idea the better I am able to handle it. It is, indeed, nerve-wracking but I whole-heartedly believe that no faculty member is out to get anyone, and chances are if there were any reason for me to believe that I would not receive faculty approval, I am sure that I would have been told before now. A couple of years ago, a friend of mine who would have had difficulty getting through the approval process was contacted ahead of time and told that they should think about postponing the process for themselves, and that they should think about doing certain things, as a way to make it look like the postponement was their idea, that way they wouldn't have to do all of the hoop jumping that occurs when the faculty or the candidacy committee postpones you. This way, it made the candidate look proactive and as if they were taking the initiative. No faculty member has said anything like that to me, so I think that I will be okay. I'll be sure to let you know what happens as this progresses.

And now, I should really go back to reading. As much as I may not want to, I know that it is something I need to do. I hope you are all enjoying your weekend!

youth and responsibilities

2005-09-12T00:38:00.000-05:00

So, after having some time to think, and talk about it with friends, I'm not as upset about some of the things that happened at the picnic. Namely, that the co-chairs didn't help. Word has gotten around that perhaps they were not told that it was expected of them that they were to help. And seeing as how they are both new to the position, they'd have no way of knowing, really. So, their lack of participation might be able to be explained away.

But that doesn't explain the lack of participation by the other two volunteers. Of course, one of the volunteers was out of my sight for most of the evening. Therefore, I have no proof that he wasn't actually interacting with a group of youth somewhere. Since I cannot prove that he did not participate, I really shouldn't be upset.

Although there is the one volunteer who was mere feet from the place where we were playing games and who did not join in. He merely stood and watched a group of seminary students playing another game.

Now, some of you may think I'm blowing things out of proportion. But you have to understand, it seems all too often that the youth in this communty receive what is known as "the shaft." It seems that people think there should be activities and opportunities available for the youth, but they don't want to be the ones to provide it.
Case in point: Two years ago, almost exactly, I was co-chair of the Youth Ministry Committee for the second year. My class was holding elections, where it was expected of us to elect representatives to all of the various committees. We were moving along smoothly until it got to be time to elect a representative for the Youth Ministry Committee. Then it became like pulling teeth. People just did not want to volunteer. A fellow student (who had a child who benefitted from the committee) asked, "Well, since the chairs of the committee are in our class, do we need to have a representative?" Here's the flaw in that argument: the chairs of EVERY committee were from our class, so if we followed that argument, none of the committees would have had representatives from our class. But, none of the other committees had trouble getting representation. So, why did it seem like that might even be a possibility when it came to the youth? Finally, someone dared to speak up, but only to ask, "What's the time commitment?" Then someone else jumped on that, and said that since they had asked the question they were obviously interested. The question-asker, who was kind of backed into a corner, made sure to point out that their intention was not to volunteer, but since no one else was, she'd be more than willing to do so. So, after what seemed like forever, we finally got a representative from the class.

And I have gotten quite close to a number of the youth on campus. Being a pretty consistent presence in the youth ministry committee for the three years I was on campus before I left for internship, I had the great and wonderful opportunity to build some pretty amazing relationships with some of the youth. So, if I think they're not being treated the way they deserve, I'm going to get indignant. If you say you're going to spend time with the youth, then you'd darn well better spend time with them. And regardless of whether they signed up to help with the youth or to clean up after the picnic or whatever else, if you signed up to do something then people are counting on you to do it. SO DO IT!!!!!

Anyway, I should go to bed. The semester officially starts tomorrow. I've got places to go and people to see and things to do and food to eat. So I should be rested.
Blessings!

just trying to let things go

2005-09-10T22:24:00.000-05:00

So, Friday evening the Mothership had a picnic. It's a pretty big deal. Faculty, staff and students all drive out to a park, and they usually have barbeque and non-barbeque pulled pork sandwiches, along with chips and cookies and other yummy goodness. Then, there is time to be social, and there are games for the kids.

Every year that I have been at seminary, I've helped with leading activities for the youth. The first year, I signed up to help. The second and third year it was pretty much expected of me, because I was the co-chair of the youth ministry committee on campus. We usually had parachute games for the little ones, and we'd start ultimate frisbee or kickball or something like that for the bigger kids. It was usually well organized (by the committee co-chairs) and we usually had one or two volunteers to help.

This year, I wasn't officially expected to help lead games. Unofficially, I think it was very expected of me. Especially by the youth. And I wanted to help, so I signed up early in the week to do so. There were two other seminary students who had signed up to help.

Fast forward to the picnic. The eating and announcements were basically over, and people were milling about and socializing. So the games should have been starting. But they weren't. Part of me wanted to take charge and announce that games would be starting, and then taking the kids over to play games. But I didn't want to step on toes, or make people angry because I was taking charge of something that wasn't mine to take charge of. I had people in my class asking me when games were going to start, because they expected me to have some idea of what was going on. I didn't.

Eventually, one of the guys who volunteered came over and said, "So, should we start some games?"
"Finally!" I thought, and started trying to round up kids to play games. At that point, we had three adult volunteers (the three of us who signed up). Somewhere, in the time it took us to round up a good group to play games, we lost one of the volunteers. In the time it took us to figure out what game the kids wanted to play, and to walk across the road to the field in which we would play, we lost the other volunteer. So, it was just the kids and me. So we played some games.

Later on, the first AWOL volunteer showed up, although he watched a group of seminary students playing some yard game. We were ten feet from them, playing a game, and he didn't ever come over to volunteer like he signed up for.

Finally, the second AWOL volunteer showed up, with the intention of getting his son to go home. He did stay, however, and played for about five minutes with us. After that, the game sort of broke up and we all walked back over to socialize.

The co-chairs of the youth ministry committee did not plan any activities, and only brought a few things for the kids to play with, and did not help at all.

I'm kind of angry. I think it was the job (as it has been in the past) of the youth ministry committee to organize, plan and equip the games for the kids. I think it was the job (because they commited to it) of the people who signed up to actually lead games and activities for the youth. I'm angry that none of them followed through on what they were supposed to do. I suppose I could say something, but would that do anything? If I was going to say something, it should have been during the picnic because that is when it would have done the most good. Now, after the fact, it can't really help at all.

Well... Because it is the way I am, the youth ministry co-chairs are expecting me to help at a lot of youth activities. If something like this happens again, I will be sure to say something about it. People need to do their jobs. The youth deserve it.

ugh

2005-09-06T06:51:00.000-05:00

it's too early.
definitely NOT a morning person.

you can't teach an old procrastinator new tricks

2005-09-06T00:42:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow is the first day of the semester. We kicked off the beginning of the school year with opening worship this evening, for which I was an usher. We started out with the different classes gathering in groups out on the front lawn of the seminary. They had a prayer at the beginning of worship where they prayed for each group gathered (and the interns out on internship) and when they announced each group the group was to respond by shouting, "Hallelujah!" After the first shout, all the babies in the crowd started to cry. By the time the parents got the babies quiet, the next group shouted hallelujah and the whole thing started all over again. And we have a veritable plethora of babies on campus this year.

I got the chance to hold a couple of those babies after the worship service. One of them belongs to my good friend who coordinated the Boundary Waters trip. They were also taking pictures for the photo/phone directory that goes out to all of the students. Normally, the picture you take for your student i.d. is the one that they use your entire time at seminary, unless there is a drastic change, such as having a baby. The student who was in charge of taking the pictures was encouraging lots of people to have their pictures retaken. I wanted to get mine taken making some stupid face (if you know me, you understand), and was asking people if they thought it was a good idea. One of my friends (and the wife of a classmate) suggested I get my picture taken with their 6 month old (I think he's six months). So, I did. Then, we were supposed to write our names how we wanted them in the directory, so I wrote "Mark [last name] and Seth [last name] (not related)" So, we'll see if they actually replace my picture in the photo directory with that one. I don't see why they wouldn't, but sometimes the administration can be fun-killers.

So, class starts tomorrow at 8am. You would think I would be in bed, getting a good night's sleep for the first day of classes. However, I put off writing two papers that are due tomorrow until this evening. I also procrastinated cleaning my room, so that I won't get fined tomorrow. So I did all of that tonight. I'm unsure whether I satisfactorily completed the assignment, but it is completed. I think that the reason for the assignment is just to generate discussion about pastoral theology method on internship, so if my paper doesn't adequately discuss the issue, perhaps our discussion in class will do so. Or, perhaps, I'll fail and get booted out of seminary for being a horrible person. We'll see.

i could have died (disclaimer: that's a bit of an exaggeration. just a bit.)

2005-09-05T11:36:00.000-05:00

A couple of days ago I was in the midst of doing laundry or some other such thing in an attempt to procrastinate writing something for class, which starts this week. Now, the stairways in the dorm are closed off from each floor by doors. I was headed down to the basement, so I pushed the door open and walked into the stairway. That's when I felt something hit me on the top left of my head. It startled me, so I jumped, but also stopped to figure out what had hit me in the head. That's when I saw it fall to the ground. It was a bat.

No, not a Louisville Slugger kind of bat. A fur and wings and teeth kind of bat.

That's when I let out an extremely manly sound similar to "Uaarraarrraaeeerrrhhh!"

I looked to the ground and saw this poor little bat, curled up and obviously scared and confused by all of the light. After some freaking out, I figured I needed to get this bat out of the dormitory. So I retreated to my room and grabbed a towel. Placing the towel on top of the bat, I scooped the towel together and picked the bat up off of the ground. I could hear the bat chirping or squeaking, or whatever noise a bat makes, so I knew it was alive.

Part way down the stairs (and about 5 feet away from getting it outside) either the bat managed to squeeze out of towel and I got startled and dropped the towel, or I lost grip on the towel and it fell (I don't remember which exactly) but somehow the towel came out of my hand and the bat started flying around the stairway like a maniac.

I ran up the stairs, being pursued by the bat, and making some more manly noises. I ducked and ran, but the bat kept swooping at me and chasing me. I don't really believe that the bat wished me harm, I just believe that it was confused and discombobulated. It flew into the rungs of the stairway railing a couple of times, as well, before flying all the way upstairs.

So I quickly retreated back to my room, figuring that both the bat and I had been traumatized enough for the moment and we both deserved a break.

things that make me angry

2005-09-02T17:57:00.000-05:00

okay, one thing, really.
Now, I am not a neat person. My preferred state of being seems to be cluttered.
Well, I am currently in the midst of moving back into my dorm room here at seminary. I have not been anxious to unpack things, and so there are a lot of boxes and rubber maids stacked around.
And that is the time that the seminary decides to have the fire inspector come and make sure the dormitory is up to code. And, wouldn't you know it, my room gets written up for being, get this, TOO MESSY! Well, of course it's messy! I'm moving in!!!!
Anyway, to make matters worse, I have until September 6th to clean it, or I could get fined. What's up with that?
So, yeah. I guess that gets me motivated to actually unpack and put things away. I guess, maybe, Someone thought I was being too much of a slacker and decided to put a little fire underneath me?

i'm still alive... in case you were worried

2005-08-31T16:57:00.000-05:00

Yes, I am still around. I am still breathing. Although life has been a bit hectic and full lately.

So... my trip to the Boundary Waters... AMAZING!!! I will surely go back someday. Hopefully soon. Unfortunately, my good friend Mr. Awesome was not able to come along. He was all set to go, but then had to do a funeral at the last minute and so could not go along. Although it was disappointing that he was unable to come, the trip was still amazing and I had an awesome time with the people that went along. Although we ended up having to leave the Boundary Waters a day earlier than planned because we were afraid that the 9 year old who was venturing along with us had a broken hand. So we came out a day early, the professor from the Mothership who came along took his son to the clinic in Grand Marais and had his hand checked out. It was nothing, just a strain, and of course the following morning almost all of the swelling had gone away. While the professor and his son were at the clinic we went to the municipal camp ground and got a camp site there. The professor and his son got a hotel room for the night so they could watch baseball. It turned out that there was an extra bed in the hotel room, so I ended up abandoning the other guys at the campsite and crashed in the hotel room. I felt it would have been a tragedy to let that double bed go unused. Plus the guy I had been sharing a tent with was 6'8". So it was nice to stretch out.

Then, since I've been back from that fun trip I've been working on my Approval Essay. To be ordained, or be any type of rostered leader, in the ELCA one needs to go through the candidacy process. It starts before you enter seminary with the Entrance interview, where they deem whether you are fit to begin the process. It includes a psychological evaluation and an autobiography, go through an interview by your synod's candidacy committee, and some other good stuff. Then, at the beginning of your second year of seminary you go through what's called the Endorsement process. It involves another interview with your committee, writing an essay, and that is where they determine whether to endorse you to continue on in the process. During your last year of seminary you go through what is called the Approval process. It involves writing a 25ish page essay, and going through two separate interviews - one through the candidacy committee and one with the faculty of the seminary. So I have been busy writing and rewriting and editing my approval essay which will be going in the mail to my committee by the end of this week. So I've really had a hard time justifying blogging when I haven't had that finished, especially since I had to postpone a trip back home so that I could finish the essay. But I'm all essayed out for the evening, and getting ready to go with a friend to the Midway airport in Chicago to pick up another friend who will be arriving. So it's easy to convince myself that it would be fruitless to try to write anything on the essay now.

But speaking of going to Chicago, I have to go get ready to leave now. My friend will be here soon. So I will talk to you all later.

ch-ch-ch-changes

2005-08-17T13:07:00.000-05:00

So today I woke up and I was no longer Pastor Intern Mark. Weird... Today was the first day I was completely detached from my internship congregation. I didn't need to finish packing or cleaning, I didn't need to drive there or back from there. I woke up in my dorm room and looked at the boxes and rubber maid containers that need to be unpacked and thought, "There's nothing I need to do today. No hospital visits, no sermon preparation, no worship prep. I'm a free man." It still feels a bit weird.
But now I need to be about the business of integrating myself back here at the Mothership. Financial aid forms and I need to sign my lease and think about unpacking some more.
I'm also excited because next week I'm going on a canoe trip into the Boundary Waters.... and THIS JUST IN!! Mr. Awesome and his son J might be coming along with us. I don't want to make the link right now, but if you scan through my archives for the month of April, I believe, I talk about the Awesomes and how awesome they are. And now I might get to see two of them again! Woot!
Gotta run!

it is finished!

2005-08-15T00:52:00.000-05:00

Technically my internship is now over. Officially it goes until Tuesday. But the next two days will be spent packing and cleaning and moving, and not doing any pastoral related tasks. My final services were this weekend, I preached my final sermon, and they had a service of Godspeed and a farewell reception for me. It was touching and amazing and great and exhausting all at the same time. People showed so much support and appreciation for the work that I have done during my internship, even people that I didn't think knew that I was there. I mean, I shook their hands as they left church every weekend, and I said "Hello," occasionally, but they never let on that they appreciated me as much as they said they did this weekend.

It was a tough weekend. I had to preach the sermon three times. I focused on the how Jesus was changed through his relationship and interaction with the Canaanite woman. And then I connected that to how I was changed through my relationship with the congregation. Saturday evening as I was preaching it I needed about four kleenexes to make it through, and even then it was a struggle. At the service of Godspeed at the end of that service, Supervising even got choked up, and he's usually pretty calm and collected. So that made me even worse! The next two times weren't so bad, but the contemporary service on Sunday morning, which is the service a lot of people I have gotten pretty close to attend, was tough. I'd be doing fine, until I made eye contact with someone who was crying and then it would be tough to maintain composure. I received applause at two of the three services. One of the services seems to be populated by our "Old Guard," where change is bad, they sit in their same pews, and they don't clap at church. But they sure expressed their appreciation afterwards.

I know there were times when I said I was ready for my internship to end. And I know that the countdown I kept may have made it seem like I was looking forward to the end. Part of me definitely was. But now that the end is happening, I don't want it to. I want to stay and continue these relationships that I've started. I want to watch the kids grow up and see the high schoolers go off to college and pursue their callings. I want to celebrate the milestones with these families. I want to see the babies get baptized and I want to see the young kids take their first communions and then get confirmed. I want to be there for these people in their struggles and their joys. I love these people more than I thought possible. Even Tom, who I thought was the bane of my existence. Even he will be missed.

I didn't know it would be this hard. Even as the end grew closer, I was oblivious to just how attached I've become, really. I thought I'd pack up and move out and go back to my friends at school and that would be that. But it's not that easy. It feels like that when I leave, a substantial part of my self will still be here. While I'm excited for this next step in the journey, to integrate what I've learned here on internship and to begin the process of seeking a first call, it hurts to think about leaving this part of my life behind.

And part of me is reluctant to do that, which is why it has been such a process for me to pack and clean. I'm behind what I could have done and should have done already. Truthfully, I don't have that much stuff and there's no reason why I'm not packed up already. But I am a natural born procrastinator, and it's hard to get motivated when part of me believes that if I just don't pack, then I just won't have to move and that means that this experience really isn't coming to an end. Denial is a very effective defense mechanism. I utilize it quite often.

Anyway, I should get to bed, even though I know sleep will be slow in coming tonight. Too many emotions and thoughts and reminders rolling around in my head. Too many things need to be done. But it's better that I lay in bed and do that thinking, just in case I nod off to sleep, than sit at a computer and do that thinking while I stimulate my brain by doing a crossword or reading an article or playing some random game.

So, I hope you've enjoyed reading about my adventures on internship. They have been amazing and grueling and awesome and exhausting and invigorating and crazy and life-altering. Thanks for listening, for sharing encouragement and advice, and for walking with me on the journey. Now I'm approaching the door to another part of this crazy adventure. I've heard rumors what it's like on the other side, but I've never experienced it for myself. I'm getting ready to open the door and go on in. You're welcome to come along for the ride!!!

real church sign... i promise...

2005-08-14T17:32:00.000-05:00

one down, two to go

2005-08-10T21:45:00.000-05:00

The council meeting is over. That is one more item checked off of my list of "Things That Remain To Be Done Before The End."
Supervising was giving his report, and he moved that I be presented with the same gift that they give each departing intern - an empty envelope. I was a little taken aback because that wasn't what I was expecting, and there were some chuckles at my reaction. Supervising continued by saying that this envelope serves as a promisory note, of sorts, that upon my ordination the church will buy and present me with the stole of my choice. The motion was passed.
Anyway, I am very tired from the extra physical exertion of today. I think the whole stress of my friend Glasses crashing and then our trip to the ER may have contributed to my fatigue, as well. But I am fading very quickly, so I think I'm going to go ahead and call it a night a bit early this evening.
Oh... and while we're on the subject of the bike ride... You'd think that they would assume that since bike seats are made for sitting that they should just go ahead and make them comfortable to sit on for long rides. But they don't. They expect you to compensate by putting padding on the seat or by wearing padded shorts. The seat of the bike I borrowed from Glasses was not padded. Nor was mine. Needless to say, my butt is very sore right now.

the agony of defeat

2005-08-10T16:26:00.000-05:00

Today was our final area clergy cluster gathering. Well, my final one. I think it was really intended to be their big kick-off for their year of monthly meetings. And the new intern at the church in Neighboring Podunk was introduced. She goes to my seminary, and is a year behind me, so that made it kind of weird. But her internship hasn't officially started yet, so I don't feel quite that deficient anymore.

So after breakfast and after our meeting, which mainly consists of going around and each gathered person shares a bit about how things are going at their church and andy personal news they feel like sharing, we broke up into our different activity groups for the day. Most of them went golfing. A few may have gone shopping. Four of us went bike riding. It was Glasses, Liberal Woman, myself and another pastor who I am acquainted with but don't really know enough to come up with a nickname for him, and he doesn't really factor into this story much so I don't need to give him one. [editor's note: i feel the need for a disclaimer. Glasses Pastor and Liberal Woman Pastor were named a few weeks into my knowing of them. They were thus named because those were the distinguishing characteristics that jumped out at me at that point. I have since gotten to know them much better and like them a whole heckuva lot, and so I feel like the nicknames are kind of lame. Glasses Pastor is a very nice, compassionate, witty, humorous and great man. Who just happens to have relatively thick lenses in his glasses. Liberal Woman Pastor is an amazing, compassionate, principled and outspoken pastor who happens to be liberal and female. Both of them are far more than what their nicknames suggest. Just keep that in mind, okay?]

After breakfast we changed into our biking clothes, got our bikes ready and then took off. We took backroads and were enjoying a leisurely time. I was the least experienced cyclist out of the group. Glasses is a very avid biker, owns several different bikes and lots of biking paraphanelia. In fact, most of the stuff I was using today was borrowed from him. Liberal Woman has started riding bikes more often with Glasses and is really starting to get into it. The other guy used to run but had issues with his knees and so he is transitioning into biking. Anyway, three miles into our ride we're going down this hill and I'm starting to pick up a lot of speed. I start braking slightly, hoping to slow down at least a little bit. The other guy and I were a fair distance behind Glasses and Liberal Woman when, apparently, Glasses' foot came off his pedal, he lost his balance and crashed.

If we had had a video camera with us, this crash looked like something that we could have submitted to ESPN for their Agony of Defeat video clips. Glasses lost his balance, fell down on his right side, tucked and rolled, the bike flipped over him and he skidded for at least ten feet on the pavement. He immediately sat up and was able to get up and walk around. He had abrasions on his left leg, both arms, the knuckles on his left hand and his back and a puncture wound on his right thigh. He seemed to think that he was goo enough to continue riding, though, so after giving him time to recover we all mounted our bikes and continued riding for ten more miles.

Coincidentally, his wife happens to work right next door to where we had breakfast. So when we returned to the parking lot, he ran into a coworker of his wife who was heading for lunch. She told him that his wife was alone in the office, so he could stop in and tell her what had happened. When we got in there, Glasses says to his wife, "Well, I'll ask you, since you have some medical background. What should I do if my collar bone really, really hurts?" She recommended going to the ER. He said that he probably would, but once we got outside he wanted to go to lunch. We put the bikes back into the vans, then we went in to change clothes. He realized that it was worse than he thought when he couldn't lift his arms up to take his shirt off.

Anyway, to make a long story short, we took him to the ER. His wife, who he had told didn't need to worry and could stay at work, ended up coming to the ER, as well. They took him up to get x-rayed and found a nondisplaced hairline fracture, or two. So now his arm is in a sling.

So Liberal Woman and I left before they started to clean out his abrasions. We decided we didn't need to be there for that. And we went out for lunch. Glasses was disappointed, he had just gotten done telling me on the way to the ER how this group of pastors in this area really kind of claim the intern as theirs, even though the intern is just at one congregation. And that they were really going to miss me. I think he had wanted to take me out for lunch, but due to circumstances, was unable to do so.

Anyway, I have to go and get ready for my final church council meeting tonight. Oh, and just because I know you're interested, here's the list of things I have left to do:
- 1 church council meeting
- 1 more Sunday
- 1 more sermon
That's all, folks! I still cannot believe it.

unfortunate, but not unexpected

2005-08-09T22:40:00.000-05:00

Today was our church trip to Chicago to watch the Cubbies play. And they lost. It was close until the 9th inning, when the Cincinatti Reds scored about six runs. But it was fun and I got a Cubs shirt with their vintage logo on it. And also four hotdogs, two waters a Pepsi and a large pretzel. It was an expensive day.
But it was a fun day. The bus ride up was good. We joked around and I sat by a seventh grader and we played War with a deck of cards (I totally kicked his butt), and watched Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory on the TVs in the bus.
Watching the game was fun, until about the third or fourth inning when the young kids who had the seats behind my row finally came stumbling in (fyi: they were NOT from our church). One of the guys had made a large sign that said, "It's my 21st birthday. Buy me a beer!" and he was enthusiastically waving it around. I thought about buying him a beer, but decided not to because they were $5.50 a piece, plus it was obvious that he and his friends had already had plenty to drink. There were four guys and two gals in this group, and it was obvious one of the girls had already drank too much. She was very loud and VERY vulgar, shouting things about the different Cubs players if they'd make an error. At one point, several of them got up to go either to the restroom or the concession stand, and this girl was so inebriated that she almost fell down the stairs several times. One of the times she was caught by a member of my congregation. It was very obvious that most of the people from my church that were in my row were very uncomfortable with this group of people behind us, and I was THIS close to turning around and saying something, but I didn't want to provoke them anymore and eventually they started to tone it down and several of the guys tried to reign this young woman in. They left midway through the 9th inning and I think we all took a collective sigh of relief.
The bus ride home was fun, as well. We did Mad Libs and took pictures and watched Shrek and took naps. Then PD (Pastor's Daughter), Clark and I, along with a couple high schoolers, went out for supper afterwards.
So it was a fun day, and as a result of this trip I already have three meals for this week booked with different families from church. If I play my cards right, I will not have to fix a single meal. That would be nice!

good idea?

2005-08-08T22:36:00.000-05:00

So I took a carload of stuff to the Mothership today.

I'm still unsure if it was a good idea or not.

It was good because it gets a load of stuff there that will need to be there eventually. Thus reducing the amount of stuff still here that needs to be removed from here.

It was good because I got to hang out with a good friend and his cute toddler. We went out for lunch to a new burrito place in town and then we went back to his house and I played with his son's toys. And chased the dog around the house.

It was good because I got to walk around campus and see strange and unfamiliar faces and think, "Someday soon you might be my friend."

It was good because I was able to spend time with another dear friend as she arranged things in her apartment, then we went out for supper and then to Target (I miss Target) where I bought a shower curtain and a bath mat for my dorm room bathroom.

It may not have been good because part of me just wanted to stay there. Part of me didn't want to have to come back here to deal with the finality of internship; to say good bye and finish packing and cleaning. While I was there part of me just wanted to stay there and resume that part of my life, without putting the finishing touches on this part.

Now, part of me is chomping at the bit to get back there; to be able to spend every day playing with my toddler friend and eating with my good friends and meeting strange and unfamiliar friends.

So, I'm really stuck in the middle of both worlds right now. Part of me (and part of my stuff) is back at seminary, ready to be whole heartedly there. Part of me (and part of my stuff) is still here on internship, desperately clinging to the people and the memories, not quite ready to let go. It's a very weird and awkward place to be.

you might be thinking...

2005-08-07T17:28:00.000-05:00

that I've been posting an awful lot about camp. Different memories and stories and the like. Well, there's a reason for that.

Okay, a couple of reasons. First, it's one of the few summers in quite a while that I have not spent at least a little time out at a camp. The summer I did CPE two years ago was another summer like this one, but these two might be the only ones for as far back as almost a decade.

And second, because I wanted to post about anything else except the upcoming end to my internship. And since that has been pretty prominent in my life as of late, it made sense to probe the depths for blogging material. But I can't NOT post about the end of my internship right now. And that's because I have a week left.

That's right. The countdown has arrived at the final week. And this week will fly by fairly rapidly. You see, tomorrow is my day off. I will be taking a car load of stuff to be moved into my room at the Mothership. I don't have enough to rent a uhaul or some other sort of truck or trailer, but I have just enough that it doesn't fit into one carload. So my day off before I move out for good is dedicated to taking a load of stuff.

Tuesday, I will be out of the office all day on a church trip to go watch the Chicago Cubs. It's an annual event at this church. They charter a bus and take a big group over to the city for a game. So that will eat up most of my day on Tuesday.

Wednesday is our final area clergy meeting. We've met once a month since August, and this is the day that kind of marks the ending/beginning of the year for them. So we're meeting for breakfast at a restaurant, then we'll meet and go over all sorts of things like what is going on in the lives of the clergy and their churches, and then we're breaking off into smaller groups to go do recreational things. Some are going to play golf. I'm breaking off with two good friends (if you want to go as far back as September in my archives, you'll come across The Adventures of Pastor Intern Mark in the Land of the Professional Leaders' Conference. My two friends are in that story under Liberal Woman Pastor and Glasses Pastor) and we're going to go bike riding that day.

Thursday will be my first day in the office. It's also my final supervisory session with Supervising. And then the office staff is going out for lunch. I'm guessing it is going to be a farewell lunch for moi.

Friday I will be in the office, hurriedly working to complete my sermon and a few of the other duties for worship. As well as packing and cleaning.

Saturday morning will be spent packing and cleaning and finishing up my sermon. Saturday evening will be spent leading worship and preaching.

Sunday morning will be spent leading worship and preaching, twice, separated by a farewell reception for me. Sunday afternoon and evening will be spent packing and cleaning.

Insert in there, multiple times, I'm sure, final visits to friends' houses, eating with parishioners, and other assorted closure type things. Yup... the end is right around the corner.

I cannot believe we are at this point right now. It is completely unbelievable.

A Tribute To Sergeant Jen

2005-08-06T01:11:00.000-05:00

Jen was the first counselor that I met my first summer working on summer staff. When I arrived with my parents, we were greeted by two loud and enthusiastic site managers who helped me get situated, and then we went inside the lodge where Jen was sitting at a table. She had come from Missouri or somewhere sort of distant like that, and so she had to come the night before everyone else was expected to be there. I was still dependent on my parents' for a car, so I had to be there the night before, too.

Jen was a bit on the short side, and heavier set. She had short red hair and freckles. She came from a Missouri Synod Lutheran background. They are a more conservative branch of Lutheranism that don't ordain women, don't fraternize/fellowship with other denominations, and love the ELCA so much that they don't even recognize us as a viable form of Christianity. And Jen was happy in the Missouri Synod. She was okay knowing that the most she could do in her church was Christian Education. She didn't see the need for women leaders and pastors.

Her goal in life was to graduate from her college with a degree in criminal justice, I believe, and do some sort of probation officer type work. She was employed during the school year in a facility for adolescent offenders, I believe. But she had met a good friend of mine in an online chatroom and, according to him, developed some romantic feelings for him. So on a whim she applied to work at the summer camp that she knew he would be working at, so as to be close to him. Poor Jen was barking up the wrong tree. My friend Matt was gay. But that's a whole other story.

Jen was one of those people that most others find hard to get along with. Immediately she began to rub people the wrong way, so people began to distance themselves from her and to avoid her. I try to see the value in everyone. I find that I often have a way of befriending those people that others do not. I seem to have a higher tolerance in that department than most. So I tried to be friends with Jen. But it was hard work. I often found that we would be horribly sarcastic to one another. Most of the time we were joking, although some times, I must admit, there was a lot of truth to the things I said. We worked at the same site our first week, and it was after that week that our camp director gave us the speech that we were not to use sarcasm with each other in front of the kids. Her reasoning was that they would not know if we were serious, or not. Jen and I knew that a large part of that was directed at us, and we never worked together the rest of the summer...

It was that first week of summer that she earned her nickname of Sergeant Jen. We were both assigned to junior high campers, and she tried to run her group in the manner of a drill sergeant. She didn't seem to realize that church campers did not require the same sort of discipline and motivational tactics that the adolescents she normally worked with did. This caused her campers to immediately resent and dislike her. Being junior highers, especially boys, they automatically began to ignore her. They would purposely be disruptive and obnoxious. Jen did not have the same means of discipline at camp that she did in her other job. She really didn't know how to deal with this, and so she reacted by shouting more.

Now I, on the other hand, do not yell at my campers. It takes extreme circumstances for me to get angry enough to yell at them. I went by the philosophy that they come to camp to grow in relationship with each other and with God. Not to be shouted at. So I would do anything and everything within my means to not shout (although there were many times I ended up yelling). I also have a tendency to be quite the goofball (I know you're shocked). I love to have a good time and to laugh and to make others laugh. So Sgt Jen's campers began to drift towards me. They would, at all costs, try to avoid sitting next to her in large group settings, and they'd sit next to my campers and me.

Kurt was a youth worker who had brought a group of campers out that week. He was a previous summer staff member and he and I were very similar in a lot of respects. Especially in the way we chose to deal with the campers. Jen, in a moment of great frustration, came to Kurt and vented about how her kids didn't respect her, they didn't listen to her, they didn't pay attention to her. She had done everything she could and they just would not do what they were supposed to do. She was at the end of her rope.

So what did Kurt do? The next meal time he approached me. "Hey Mark," he said. "I see that you have a pretty good relationship with Jen's campers."

"Yeah, I guess."

"Could you do me a favor? Would you mind having a talk with them, and ask them to give her a break? They could be a little better at doing what they're supposed to do."

I was taken aback. "Have you seen the way she treats them?" I asked. "I think it would be better if someone had a talk with her!!"

So Kurt agreed to talk with her, and I agreed to say something to her campers. When I tried, they argued and told me what I already knew. But I begged them to just give her a break and to not push her buttons. In the end they agreed, and the week finished out a lot better than it would have otherwise.

Now, as I said earlier, Jen and I never worked together again the rest of the summer, and I can't say that I'm disappointed about that. So I can't say for certain that she improved in the way she treated her kids, although she seemed to be doing better as the summer progressed. She did, however, keep the nickname Sergeant Jen and to this day anyone from the summer staff that was there that summer who looks at a picture and sees her face will inevitably mention Sergeant Jen.

So here's to you, Sergeant Jen. You boldly took a step of faith, coming to a camp in a different state regardless of the reason behind it. Your methods were a little unorthodox and perhaps a bit inappropriate, but your heart was in the right place. I don't know where you went after that summer or what you are doing now, but I pray that God has continued to work in your life. Perhaps some seeds were planted that summer that forever altered the way that you see and treat young teenagers, or perhaps you moved on to a job that was more suited to the gifts and abilities you possessed. Wherever you are, I hope you remember that you are a beloved child of God and that even though most of us who worked with you would have a hard time seeing how it would be possible, the Holy Spirit did indeed work through you that summer and it did touch lives and change hearts.

p.s. Don't hate me, but here is an interaction between Jen and I that is sort of typical of the way we were with each other: A group of us that stayed at camp over the weekend were getting ready to drive into the city for supper. Several of us were standing outside and Jen had pulled on her staff jacket. She looked at me and asked, "Mark, does the jacket make me look fat?" Looking at her, I got a mischevious glint in my eye and said, "No. But your face does!" Her face turned bright red and she proceeded to chase me all the way around the lodge. I ran in fear that my life might be cut horribly short. She didn't catch me. I can be quick when my life depends on it.

i forgot!

2005-08-05T12:53:00.000-05:00

I ordered another pair of liturgically colored shoes! So now when these arrive I'll have liturgically appropriate shoes for:
Epiphany and the Season of Pentecost (green)
Advent (blue)
Pentecost Sunday, Reformation Sunday, any feast days, and ordinations (red)
and now Lent (purple)
I'm excited! And I think that makes me a huge church nerd.

camp memories

2005-08-05T11:09:00.000-05:00

So I started a post last night about some more of my experiences at church camp. This particular memory was about one of the toughest weeks I've ever had at camp, and my experiences with a young boy named Brandon or, as I referred to him then, the little red-headed boy from hell.

How great is it for a camp counselor to refer to his camper like that, right? And it was even a 1st-3rd grade week! But this boy had some behavioral issues which resulted in him trying to beat me up on numerous occasions, calling me a "f***ing idiot" repeatedly, punching another camper in the face, attempting to bite several counselors, and refusing to do much of anything. He was one of the campers that I could have taken my own advice with, and repeatedly reminded myself that he was a beloved child of God.

Anyway, I've already spent more time talking about him than I had wanted to. In the midst of writing about Brandon and all the other crazy kids we had that week, I thought to myself, "Self, you've really only shared some of the more traumatic experiences you've had as a counselor: mucking through the gross water to unstick canoes; a camper who pooped his pants; and now you're going to write about Brandon?" I began to think that if any prospective camp counselors were to read my blog, they might be persuaded to do something else for the summer, and that is the last thing that I would want.

So I thought that today I would share one of my happier memories from camp.

It was the last week of my first summer as a counselor. After being deployed as day camp staff for a few more weeks than I would have liked, I was finally back onsite. I was even assigned to be with junior high kids that week. I was excited! The kids began arriving and we moved them into the bunkhouses, and then when we had a large enough group, we took them to the field to begin playing some big group games. Generally, you have to have finished 7th grade to come to one of the junior high weeks at my camp. But because this particular church had registered a big group to come the same week, they were able to sneak in a few that had just finished 6th grade. In the midst of the game, I happened to befriend five boys from this church who would be going into 7th grade. Their names were Danny, Joel, Colin, Michael and Chris. There was some immediate bonding that took place. They seemed to think that I was pretty great, and I thought they were just hilarious. Every meal they'd make sure to save me a seat at their table, and they'd follow me to various things like worship and campfires, just to make sure that they were able to sit by me.

Well, the week progressed and finally it came to the end of the week. The camp I worked at was separated into four sites. Two were for elementary aged campers and two were for junior/senior high campers. All four sites throughout the week were fairly decentralized and had very little interaction with one another, besides passing by on a hike or on the way to the pool. However, the camp week was started and ended by a big group gathering where all four sites came together for singing and worship. At the closing program, all of the counselors would get up in front of the assembled campers and parents and we'd sing a song that we had chosen, and then our camp theme song. It was at that closing program, the last one of the summer, that I began what ended up being a yearly tradition, and that was I started to cry. You see, I could have stayed at camp ffoooorrrreeeeevvvvveeeerrrrrr, so when it came time to end the camp season, I was never ready. I always wanted it to be longer.

Well, after everyone was dismissed, I walked back up the camp site to make sure my campers got all of the stuff out of the bunkhouse and to say good bye to everyone before they left. I especially wanted to make sure to say good bye to my five little guys. A couple of the boys had come up to me right afterwards, wanting to make sure to give me a hug and to make sure I was alright. We walked back up to the bunkhouses and I began looking for the rest of them. Finally, I'd said good bye to all of them except for Joel. As I kept looking, I rounded one of the bunkhouses and came into the central area of the site and saw Joel running towards me. We hugged and that's when I heard him say, "Thanks for making my summer so great!"

During that next year I kept in contact with all five of them through occasional letters. Then the summer rolled around again and I anxiously and excitedly moved back out to camp. The last week arrived and all five of my boys were back, and this time they brought a few more friends. It turns out that they were so set on wanting to have me as their counselor again, that they had spoken to their pastor and asked him to write a letter to the camp director saying that he wanted to make sure that I was at that site again for that week. I was a little floored when I heard that, but it worked!

Well, to make a long (and perhaps pointless) story short, I continued to keep in contact with those boys, a few more than others. Although, through the years I have fallen out of contact with most of them. One of them moved and we lost touch. I guess a couple others decided it wasn't very cool to keep in touch with their church camp counselor. However, I have managed to stay in touch with one of them, occasionally writing an e-mail or chatting on instant messenger. He's now getting ready for his junior year of college. Of course, every time I try to picture him as a college junior (I've seen him in person and in pictures, so I know what he looks like...) I always go back to that little sixth grade kid with the funny sunglasses and the goofy smile.

Camp is really an amazing place. The relationships that are started there are often some of the strongest, and some of my best friendships have begun there. So, I guess, really, what the point of this post is meant to be is to say, If you have even the smallest desire to go and be a camp counselor for a summer - DO IT! It is amazing and life changing! Don't let my horror stories scare you away. Go and experience some of your own horror stories! I promise that in the scheme of things they're not really that bad, and anyway, several years down the road you'll be able to blog about them!!

visit these sites for more information!
Presbyterian Camps and Conference Ministries
Episcopal Camps and Conference Centers
ELCA Outdoor Ministries
Reformed Church in America Camps and Conference Centers
United Methodist Camping and Retreat Ministries
United Church of Christ, Outdoor Ministry Association
Disciples of Christ Youth Resources (this was the best I could find... If anyone can direct me to a better webpage, I'll gladly replace this link!)

These are just a few denominational resources for Christian church camping! There are plenty of other resources out there to help you along the way!

in the face of adversity

2005-08-04T13:03:00.000-05:00

When an intern's supervisor is on vacation for the entire week, and all the responsibilities and tasks to make sure that worship goes off without a hitch, plus all of the responsibilities during that week which are normally shared, fall onto the intern's shoulders, that is often the time when the intern buckles down and barrels forward. This is often the time when the intern works extra hard to make sure that everything gets done on time and that there are no loose ends flapping around.

Of course, this is the time when I can't focus on much of anything, and this is the time when I sit down at the computer to begin work I think, "Oooh! A crossword puzzle!"

In case you couldn't tell, I'm having trouble concentrating on work, right now. It's not that I'm concentrating on anything else, because I'm not. I'm surfing the web, doing crossword puzzles, chatting on instant messenger with friends... Basically anything I can find to do BESIDES work. Writing this blog would be another wonderful example of things I am doing that don't overlap with the things I should be doing.

Well... I suppose I should get back to trying to do something constructive. It probably won't last long, however.

words of inspiration

2005-08-01T22:56:00.000-05:00

So my friend Christina, who is a camp director down in Texas, asked me for words of inspiration for her summer staff as they enter the last week of the summer.

I think first and foremost I'd say: Finish strong!! My old camp director always used to say, "This might be the eighth (or ninth or tenth or eleventh or whatever) week for you, but it is the first week for these campers." Put as much energy and enthusiasm into this week as you did for all of the previous weeks, the kids who come at the end of the summer deserve it just as much as the kids at the beginning of the summer did.

Remember to see each camper as a child of God. Whether they're your favorite or not (and don't lie... we shouldn't have favorites, but EVERYONE does), whether they're cute or not, whether they annoy you or not, whether they poop their pants or not, whether they call you horrible names or not, whether they require more of your attention and supervision or not... Each one of them was wonderfully made by God, and is loved by God just as much as anyone else. Looking back at my experience as a counselor, there are several situations in which it would have been good for me to remind myself of this. Perhaps I would have handled things better, been a bit more patient, not raised my voice. Maybe I would have given more attention to a camper who needed it and a little less to a camper who was easy to love. Maybe I wouldn't have been AS glad when they're parents came to pick them up on that Friday. Or, who knows, maybe I would have been just as impatient or raised my voice just as much or given just as much attention to the cute, loveable one or did an extra happy dance of joy when they left. But I would have reminded myself that even though I might not like them, that doesn't mean that God doesn't absolutely and completely and wonderfully love them just as they are.

Be proud of the work you've done and are doing. Camp is tough, hard work. It takes a special person to be able to spend week after week after week after week outside in the hot summer, spending time with large groups of kids, playing silly games and singing sillier songs, sleeping on uncomfortable beds, all for very little money. Not everyone can do that kind of work!! God sees the good work that you are doing. Your reward will be great in Heaven!

And, because the Admissions office at seminary would expect nothing less of me... Have you considered a vocation in full time ministry? Maybe a youth director or a camp director or maybe, possibly, potentially ordained ministry? Prayerfully consider using the gifts that God has given you in this way. I mean, you've already survived a summer at church camp. If you can handle homesick campers and hormonal teenagers and being stuck working with that staff member that you absolutely didn't want to work with, then I think you're more ready for the realistic demands of full time ministry than you think you are. So think about it. Talk to someone who is already doing it. Contact a seminary. Ask for more information. The church needs more leaders like you!

I'm sure that I could think of more, but it is late. If I do happen to come up with any more bits of wisdom, I will be sure to post them. And if there are any readers who have camp experience (as I know there are) feel free to add any words of inspiration and insight that you might have for their last week of the summer!!

the final stretch (and then a shameless plug)

2005-07-31T14:07:00.000-05:00

The newsletter containing my good-bye article was sent out at the end of this last week. For your reading pleasure, I decided to include it (don't worry, it's short, I have about a quarter of a page each month) in today's blog.

From the desk of the Pastor Intern.......
Wow... I can't believe it's time for this already - my last newsletter article. It doesn't seem as if I have been here long enough to be able to write something like this. There are so many things that I want to say, that I think I could take up an entire issue of the newsletter just to write them all down. I don't have that kind of space so I'll try to keep it short. The main thing I want to say is, "Thank you." Thank you for allowing a young, unsure, goofy and slightly awkward man to come and be the pastor intern at your church. Thank you for welcoming me and embracing me into your lives and homes and families. Thank you for forgiving and overlooking my mistakes, for laughing WITH me at my not-so-graceful moments, and for putting up with my colored shoes. Thank you for reaching out and loving me and helping me to more fully realize my gifts and voice as a pastor. I am now more sure of my call to be a pastor than I was when I first began this journey of internship, and that is because of the loving and grace-filled community at Immanuel that I have been called to serve. It will definitely be hard to leave this place that I have learned to call home and these people that I have learned to call friends and family. It will be hard to say good bye and to be unsure of when we will see each other again. But I hope you know that no matter where I go, and no matter how long I get to be a pastor, there will always be the seed that was planted during my time here at Immanuel, which with God and the help of wherever else I am called to be and whoever else I am called to serve, will grow and bear good fruit. I know that I was called to be among you and minister to you, if even for such a short time, but I am extremely thankful for and will continue to remember the ways that you have all ministered to me. I thank God for sending me to Immanuel, and pray that God continues to richly bless all of you. Love, PI Mark

So most of the people had read that before attending services this weekend. I hadn't really thought about it because I was oblivious to the fact that the newsletter had been sent out. But then, Saturday before church this cute, little lady comes up to me. Her name is Pauline and I believe she had a stroke a while back, so she walks pretty slow and with a cane. But she's just so small and so sweet. She came up to me and said, "I'm so sorry to hear that you're leaving! I'm going to miss you!" and then her eyes teared up. I had a hard time finding the words, but I managed to say something like, "I'm going to miss you, too!" and then I gave her a hug.

Well, then things progressed nicely until announcements. This was Youth Sunday weekend at church, so one of the high school students was doing the announcements and as she was saying them, I heard "We're having a farewell celebration for PI Mark on Sunday, August 14th between services. Be sure to come wish him Godspeed on his last day with us." I knew about the farewell celebration. I had talked with Supervising about it and had jotted something about it in my calendar. But to hear it announced, in front of the congregation, turns it into something a lot more real and imminent. It's weird, because even though I know I only have two weeks left it still hasn't struck me that I'm almost done. The end still seems like this distant reality. I guess we'll see how long it takes reality to set in once I start packing and cleaning my house (which begins tomorrow), and getting ready for the move back to the Mothership. I hate moving.

And now for the shameless plug:

Some time ago I started the webring Reconciling Christian Bloggers. It is meant to be similar to the movements within the different churches, expressing welcome and affirmation to our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters. Sort of like the Lutheran Church has the Reconciling in Christ program and the Presbyterian Church has More Light Presbyterians (and other churches have similar programs and organizations) as a way to let people know that their church believes that we are all equally children of God, and as such deserve the same rights and privileges within the Church (and beyond), and that their church seeks to be a place or welcome and affirmation for all people, regardless of their sexual orientation and gender identity.

So, the Reconciling Christian Bloggers webring is meant to serve as a way to connect bloggers who agree that our GLBT brothers and sisters are just as much a part of the Body of Christ, and as such deserve full inclusion and participation in our churches. It doesn't matter what your sexual orientation or gender identity is. If you believe that the Church should be a place of inclusion and compassion and not a place of exclusion and discrimination, then I invite you to join the Reconciling Christian Bloggers webring. We've got a nice, small crew already, but there could never be too many people spreading this Good News.

moral to the story

2005-07-29T23:37:00.000-05:00

So, after a comment about my previous story, I began to think if there was a moral or a deeper meaning that could be found within the story. Personally, I think messages of God's grace can be found just about anywhere, so why don't we dig a little deeper.

Perhaps Bobby, the camper, represents humanity. We often are in situations that leave us covered in "crap." But regardless of the situation we find ourselves in, God washes us clean of all of that stuff, provides us with new garments and brings us back into the flock. Of course, that metaphor falls apart with the imperfect and impatient counselor (that'd be me). Through most of the story I was more worried about the fact that I had to deal with excrement and just wanted Bobby to get cleaned up so we could put this situation behind us and move on with our day, as normal. The fact that I was having to remove myself from the other activity going on to deal with this crap made me a little indignant towards Bobby. I mean, he knew that we were in the tent closest to the bathroom! This was preventable! God, however, is infinitely patient with us and God's only concern in that we be cleaned and rejoin the flock. It doesn't matter how long it takes or how much crap is involved. The trouble that we cause God does not cause God to love us any less. No matter how stupid we can be, God's love for us does not change or waver. God's ultimate concern is us, not that God is wasting God's time dealing with poop when God would rather be building sand castles in the volleyball court. So, naturally, I make a horrible God-figure in this story.

So, there's a possible deeper spiritual message behind the story. Humans are imperfect, but God still loves us in all of our crap-covered glory.

Any other ideas?

i'll share a story

2005-07-27T20:36:00.000-05:00

I'm generally an upbeat person, and I couldn't let the previous post sit there and be a downer all by itself for too long. So, I thought since I have nothing new to add, I'll add something old. I'm not sure if I have shared this story before on the blog and I didn't want to rummage through all of the archives and check, so I figured I'd go ahead and share it. Besides, I've probably added a few new readers since then. They might appreciate it, too.
Before I begin, this story involves a couple bodily functions and is NOT for the weak of stomach. I should know.
Also, it is a bit long. So you might need to read it when you have sufficient time. With your feet propped up and a cup of your favorite beverage handy. I hope you enjoy!

It begins:
It was my very last summer at church camp. It was following my year as a youth director which didn't go the way I had planned, and camp acted as a safety net catching me before I plummeted into the depths of despair. This particular week was a 4th and 5th grade mini-session with only two overnights.

The day of their arrival went off without a hitch. They were good kids who got along very well, and I enjoyed spending time with them. The weather was even perfect and so we slept with our tent flaps wide open so we could get a nice breeze. That's when things started to go downhill.

I woke up the next morning feeling groggy but pretty good. Then it hit me. There was an odd odor hanging about the tent, and in my grogginess I couldn't quite put my finger on exactly what it was. But since the tent flaps were open and there was a nice breeze coming through, I chalked it up to something outside of the tent. I didn't want it to be something that would end up being my problem, so I ignored it. If it was something I needed to do something about, I was sure someone would let me know. So I quietly got up and trudged over to the showerhouse and got ready for the morning.

On my way back to the tent, the wake up bell started to ring. Most of my kids were already moving around so I stood outside the tent and encouraged them to get ready quickly. We needed to be over for morning worship fairly quickly. The boys had no problem getting ready. I was pretty sure this was going to be a good couple of days.

Well, we were one of the last groups to get to the worship site, and so we were a bit spread out. I think I sat by one or two of my boys, but the others had to sit on different benches. Worship went well, and by this point, since no one had said anything, the unidentified odor had quickly been forgotten. Until after worship.

As we walked over to the lodge for breakfast, another counselor came up to me. "We need to talk." This was not going to be good. "Joanna [another counselor] was sitting by your camper, Bobby, and she thinks he had an accident."

"Oh, really?" I asked, naively. "What do you mean?"

"He smells like poop."

I stopped dead in my tracks. "Are you serious? You're kidding me. You can't be serious. Are you serious?"

"That's what she said,"

I couldn't believe this. I had only heard one other story in all of my years as a camp counselor of a camper who had pooped his pants. Only one other story. Of course, this other story happened to me, too. But one camper in four summers was an okay record. Why did this camper feel the need to double that?

We walked into breakfast and I quickly sought out the site manager. I was hoping that she would say something spectacular, such as: "He pooped his pants? Don't worry about it! We'll handle it! You just go have fun!"

That didn't happen. Her response was more like, "That sucks." Of course, it was followed by, "Well, you'll need to ask him, just to make sure. But be sure that he knows he's not in trouble and you just want to help him out and get his stuff cleaned up. Make sure that the other campers are nowhere around, and if he needs to get cleaned up make sure you let people know to keep their kids away from the showerhouse."

Okay. I could do this. After breakfast as we were gathering our kids on the front deck, I called to Bobby before he went outside. "Hey, Bobby! Come here!"

He walked over to, a bit unsure. "Yes?"

"I need to know something. It's not a big deal, and you're not in trouble, but did you have an accident?"

"Why?" Right then I knew he had. If it had just been a case of bad gas, and not that he actually dropped a bomb, he'd have said no right away. His hesitation answered the question for me.

"It's not a big deal, really. We just need to know so that we can get you or your stuff cleaned up. So did you have an accident?"

"Maybe."

Okay. Truthfully, I was getting a bit frustrated at this point, mainly because I wanted the whole interchange to be over with. I wanted this whole experience to be over with. So, I continued, "What do you mean, maybe? There's really no maybe involved. Either you had an accident or you didn't have an accident. It's no big deal either way. We just need to know so we can help you out. So, did you?"

"Okay... Yes."

"That's fine. Let me tell Jen [my co-counselor] to take the other kids to our first activity and we'll go get your stuff and get you fixed up. Okay?" So with that we sent the kids with the other counselor, I grabbed a small garbage bag, and we headed down to our tent. "Okay Bobby," I said. "Just put your dirty clothes in here, grab your shower stuff and let's go." I held out the bag as he dug his clothes out of his laundry sack and put them in. I twisted it shut and held it at arms length as I led him to the showerhouse. "Start to get cleaned up in there and I'll be back in a second to make sure you're doing okay." He agreed and so I trudged up the hill, still holding the bag as far away from me as possible, towards the lodge.

I walked into the lodge and into the laundry room, where two other staff were getting supplies to help their kids clean the restrooms. "You guys will not believe what happened," I said to them as I put a pair of rubber gloves on. "I had a camper poop his pants." I set the washing machine and poured in the detergent and then I carefully opened the bag and using only the tips of my forefinger and thumb pulled out the first article of clothing, the shorts. Nothing. Only the underwear was left. I reached in and pulled it out. Nothing. I was very perplexed. "Don't you think," I said, turning to the other counselors, "That if he had an accident there would at least be a stain on his underwear?"

"You'd think." Came the reply.

"Yeah, there's nothing. Oh well." Feeling relieved that there had been a misunderstanding, and happy that I didn't have to deal with fecal matter, I tossed the clothes in the washing machine just for fun. Then I walked back down to the showerhouse.

I remember bouncing light-heartedly down the hill, relieved that it had been a huge misunderstanding, only to stop dead in my tracks.

**Note: For those with weak stomachs, it might serve you well to skip down until you see the next note like this one.**

I could not believe what I saw. There was Bobby, naked from the waist down. The insides of his legs were covered in poop. He had gotten some poop on his feet. There was some on the showerhouse floor. Somehow, some poop had gotten on his hand and he was holding it out in front of him. Later on I felt sorry for the boy. Initially, however, I wanted to keep that poop as far away from me as possible. "What are you doing?" I blurted. "You should be in the shower!"

"There's a wasp in the shower stall."

"There are two shower stalls, aren't there? Use the other one. Get in there! Now!" Bobby quickly rushed back to the other shower stall. I turned quickly and marched back up the hill. I stormed into the laundry room and slammed the button back into the washing machine, stopping the load. I turned and looked at the other two counselors. "THOSE WEREN'T EVEN THE RIGHT CLOTHES!" I bellowed as I unrolled another small garbage sack and, this time, put two pairs of rubber gloves on my hands. I stormed back out of the laundry room and back down the hill, only to see Bobby, completely naked this time, standing in the doorway. Upon seeing me he rushed back into the shower. "Seriously, Bobby," I said, attempting to retain some sort of calm and reassuring tone in my voice, although I'm pretty sure I was failing miserably. "You need to get in there and get cleaned up so we can get you back with the rest of the kids." I delicately picked up his clothes and placed them in the garbage sack and twisted it tightly shut. Holding it at arm's length I rushed back up to the laundry room.

Now only the female counselor was in the laundry room. I stood there for a moment, holding the bag out in front of me, with no real idea of what I needed to do next. "You know," the other counselor said, "You are going to need to scrub the underwear so that they don't stain." I'm not sure if she was serious, or just teasing me, but I turned to her and looked at her like she was crazy. I opened the lid to the washing machine and slowly let the garbage untwist itself open. I gingerly reached in and pulled out the t-shirt and placed it into the washing machine. Next, I pulled out his shorts and placed them in. Now the only thing left was the underwear.

On the floor of the laundry room was a square basin-type-thing where we filled up our mop buckets. I walked over to it with the bag and slowly pulled the underwear out. It was much heavier than underwear should be. Taking the underwear out of the bag I flipped it inside out and a large piece of poop plopped down into the basin. I gagged.

I stood there, holding the poopy underwear, and remembering what the other counselor had said about scrubbing it to prevent a stain. I looked at the underwear, then at the other counselor, then at the washing machine and back to the underwear. "Screw that!" I said, tossing the underwear into the washing machine and adding a lot more, possibly too much, detergent. For good measure I dumped in some other kind of cleaning solution that was on the shelf, which was said to be strong enough to kill the AIDS virus. I dumped plenty of that in for good measure. Then I closed the lid and sighed.

The only thing left was taking care of the poop that was left in the basin. I stood there, not wanting to deal with it, but knowing that I had to. I looked down at it and let loose with a horrific gag. The other counselor (who a long time ago had the sense to close the door to the laundry room) started fumbling with a garbage sack. "Mark!" she shouted. "You are NOT allowed to puke until I get this bag open!" I let loose with a couple more gags before she got the bag open, at which point she shoved it into my hands.

I looked at the bag in my hands and then back down at the poop. Deciding that it was now or never I placed the garbage sack down on top of the washing machine, grabbed a dryer sheet to cover my mouth and nose and then quickly reached for the poop. But I stopped before I got to it. I quickly dropped the dryer sheet and lunged back to the washing machine. I grabbed the garbage sack, held it open, and began vomiting.

At this point, the door to the laundry room opened and Scott, the male counselor who had been in there before, took a step into the room. Now, the dryer had been going this whole time, so it was very hot in the room. I think Scott was overwhelmed by the heat, the smell of poop, and the sight and sound of me wretching, so he stopped dead in his tracks and exclaimed, "OH MY GOD!" Now, Scott was not alone. He had been followed by his throng of bathroom cleaning campers. Scott's exclamation piqued their curiousity of just what was occuring in the room, and so they began trying to get around Scott to see inside and shouting things like, "What's going on in there?" and "What is it?" Scott turned around, held out his arms and herded the group of campers away from the door and closed it behind him.

By this time I had stopped puking, and so I tied the garbage sack shut and placed it on the floor. Now that there were no more traces of breakfast left in my stomach, I felt it was safe to try to rid the laundry room of the piece of poop that was sitting in the basin. I grabbed the empty garbage sack and without thinking ran over to the basin, stooped down, picked up the piece of poop and dropped it in the garbage sack. Then, I needed to get rid of every trace of poop that I could see, starting with my rubber gloves.

In retrospect, it probably would have been good to rinse off the rubber gloves before taking them off. But in my haste to get rid of the poop I was not thinking straight and as I tried to take one of the rubber gloves off I ended up smearing poop on my left arm. I shrieked. Loudly. Finally, I got the rubber gloves off and then I began spraying my arms and hands with scalding hot water. I furiously scrubbed myself with any available cleaning fluid that was within reach. After I had sufficiently scoured and scalded my arms and hands, I finished off by spraying them down with bleach water. Just to be safe. The lovely female counselor, who had been there through the whole ordeal, kindly said to me that I had been through enough and she would dispose of the poop and vomit bags for me. I thanked her from the bottom of my heart.

**Note: Now is a good time for the weak of stomach to return to the story!!**

So the poop was gone. The clothes were in the laundry. My arms had been thoroughly and repeatedly cleansed. The only thing left to do now was to go back down to the showerhouse and make sure Bobby was clean. So I began the walk, once again, down the hill. When I arrived the freshly showered Bobby was standing in the bathroom wearing a t-shirt and his towel. "All clean?" I asked.

"Yes." Bobby said. Now he didn't sound completely convincing, but I wasn't about to say or do anything that would prolong this experience for either of us.

"Well, then let's go back to the tent and you can finish getting dressed."

"All my clothes are in the laundry." Bobby said. It seems that since it was a mini-session he had only packed a couple of outfits, because his parents didn't foresee that he would poop his pants. So, now after this first trauma, poor Bobby was left without pants. After a lost and found search, and after Bobby sat in a towel in the tent for some time, we finally found a pair of shorts that fit, but that were still extremely huge on him. So the rest of the day, until his clothes were dry, he had to run around in a pair of shorts that nearly went to his ankles.

In perfect "Let's torment Mark" fashion, however, for the rest of that mini-session other counselors would come up to me and whisper, "Did Bobby poop his pants again? Maybe you should go ask him!" I chose not to, however, because I figured even if he had pooped his pants, that after that traumatic experience he wouldn't admit it to me, anyway. And it was probably better for both of us if he didn't!

evaluations

2005-07-27T17:03:00.000-05:00

In light of all of the evaluations that are going on around me, I thought it was time to evaluate my blog. Instead of question after question, which is the case with all of the other evaluations, when it comes to evaluating my blog there is only one question: If I was blog-surfing and came across this blog (and it wasn't mine) would I come back for repeated visits?

So, I read through some of my previous posts with that question in my mind. I was a bit disappointed at the answer that I came up with. I wanted it to be yes, I really really wanted it to be yes. I mean, they are my thoughts and ideas and stories and whatnot. But if I was being totally honest with myself, I don't know that I would come back for any repeat visits. And if even you don't find yourself interesting... Well, that's kinda sad.

There are a lot of different things I could chalk it up to... But when it comes right down to it, I think it's just a matter of not really having anything worth saying. And what's the point of a blog if you don't have anything to say?

In case you couldn't tell, I'm feeling a bit down. Can't exactly put my finger on why, though. Just a general glum feeling with perhaps some listlesness mixed in for good measure.
Anyway... I don't feel like I have anything else worth sharing. So I suppose I'll go and get ready for my meeting.

Please bear with me

2005-07-26T19:06:00.000-05:00

Okay, now I know most of you are probably getting bored with all of my posts concerning my upcoming ending to my internship, and believe me, I am, too. Sometimes I wish the end would just get here and then I wouldn't have to do all this waiting and detaching and leave taking and I could just focus on other things that need to be done. But it isn't working that way, unfortunately, and this whole saying good bye thing is a process and not just an event. So, since my blog is about the events in my life, and the end of my internship is a pretty major event in my life, well, then, of course my blog will be dominated by the end of my internship. And if you don't like it... well... TOO BAD!

Well, then. Now that we've got that out of the way, tonight I had my final Internship Committee meeting. The Internship Committee is the group of concerned citizens whom I met with once a month to talk about my internship, chart my progress, discuss joys and concerns... All of that stuff. They were also lay members of the congregation who were responsible for evaluating me at several stages in the game: 3 months, 6 months, 1 year. Now, normally this group consists of six members, but because of a few circumstances beyond our control (one went to Iraq for a year and the other, who was a youth, had a falling out with several other of the youth who were the reason he was a member of this church in the first place, so when his friendship deteriorated so did his involvement) we only had four. One was a young man about my age, then there was another man maybe 10 or 15 years older, and then two women who are both about the same age as my mom. These women dominated the committee. Each have a son about my age and so they felt it was their need to protect and care for me (which really came in handy one day when I was sick and one of them brought over a care package of soup and crackers and jello and pudding and tylenol. Very nice!). But when it came time for evaluations, they never felt as if they could list any growing edges. On either the three month or the mid-term they wrote that I had exceeded their expectations, and that they could not think of any growing edges. The middle aged man, who comes from a business background, tried to push the idea that there is always room for improvement, and that it wasn't an insult to say that I could improve in certain areas. But the moms would have none of it, and what they wrote originally stayed in the evaluation. Now that's funny, because I'm well aware of the areas that I need to improve in. And maybe the women felt the need to protect me, or maybe they actually did believe that I didn't need to improve, or perhaps it was some combination of the two. But it provided me with a laugh and Supervising got a consternated look on his face after reading. I guess afterwards he went and had some words with the committee, telling them if they didn't give me growing edges than I didn't know where I needed to improve. I should have told him that there were a few vocal people who had no problem alerting me of my growing edges.

But anyway, tonight was our last meeting, and we went over their final evaluation of me. It was touching, even though I knew they were going to say good things about me, to sit there and read such good things about me; to realize that this group of people sees such potential in you, and that it so wonderfully affirms the direction that you are headed. My eyes watered a bit, but I managed to control myself, because I knew if I started crying at this stage in the game that it would all be drastically downhill after that.

And now I have no more internship committee meetings, which is weird to think about. So that's one more thing off of my checklist of things to do before I'm done. Have I told you, yet, that it feels extremely weird to be this far along already? That it feels unreal and impossible?

Well, it does.

the final countdown

2005-07-25T22:07:00.000-05:00

Not only is it a good song by the band Europe (which we played in high school pep band) but it's also the title of this entry!

So, I have been receiving e-mail after e-mail from classmates and friends who are finishing internship and moving back to seminary. Several have made the pilgrimage back to the mothership already. One, that I know of, will be returning after this Sunday. All of them will be done before me. I was the last one to start my internship and I will be the last one to come back. I'm okay with it, although it seems a bit weird as I started seminary before all of them, and they will all be finishing their internship before me. It kind of sends the message that I am deficient, in a way, although I know I'm not because I started later because the previous intern left later. And I've also done many things that most of my classmates probably haven't on internship, some of which I've been told to be quiet about from the bishop (whom I needed to get special permission from in order to perform a couple of the things) so that other interns don't start asking their supervisors and/or bishops why they weren't allowed to do similar things. A bit stupid, I think, but who am I to argue with the bishop?

So a week and a half, or so, ago I wrote out a list of all of the things remaining on my list of things to do. I thought, since the end of internship is on my mind because of all of my friends, that I would take a few seconds to update that list. Here it is:

- 3 more Sundays
- 2 more sermons
- 1 more church council meeting
- 1 more executive committee meeting
- 1 more internship committee meeting (which will be tomorrow... so I can check that off soon)
- 1 more area clergy meeting

Not very much, at all. Sure, it's more than most of my classmates and colleagues have left - the majority of which will be done by July 31. But, it will go by very quickly, of that I am certain. Before I know it I will be loading up my car and driving back to the mothership. I am excited to see my friends; to move back into the dorm room with the great view of the playing field outside; to be able to step outside of my room and be within arm's distance of friends and potential social activities; to not have to look to find ways to procrastinate, because they ways to procrastinate will surely find me; to begin to thoughtfully consider, discern, and pray about where I believe God is calling me to be as an ordained pastor as I begin the journey towards first call. I can't believe I just wrote that one. Wow...

So yeah... This leg of the journey is almost over. I can't believe it, because I can so vividly remember how it began. I don't feel like I should even be at this point yet, much less contemplating the end of my seminary journey. They say time flies when you're having fun, but time must speed by when you're confused and running around like a chicken with your head cut off, because that has been my state of existence since I began seminary.

So the countdown is at 20 days, one day short of three weeks. Weird...

What's your model of the church?

2005-07-25T14:51:00.000-05:00

I took a test to find out what model of church I am. Frankly, I'm not surprised.
Hat tip to Susan which is where I found it, but she got it from Nathan. I encourage you to go and find out what model of church you are!

My results: You scored as Servant Model. Your model of the church is Servant.The mission of the church is to serve others, to challenge unjust structures, and to live the preferential option for the poor. This model could be complemented by other models that focus more on the unique person of Jesus Christ.

What is your model of the church? [Dulles]

sleep has definitely been my friend

2005-07-24T14:49:00.000-05:00

Shortly after writing the post from last night, I went to bed. It was about 8:30. That is usually a time that I consider to be extremely early to go to bed, but last night the only thing that kept me up that late was that I didn't want to wake up at 3 or 4 in the morning and not be able to go back to sleep. But there was no problem with that. I slept soundly until my alarm went off this morning. I got up for church, assisted at our two services, helped clean yard flamingoes in between, and then came straight home and back to bed until about 2:00. Sleeping has been wonderful.

I'm still trying to figure out how to tell you all about this past week. It was pretty amazing. The small group I was in charge of bonded extremely well. We had 7 girls, 5 guys, a female adult and me. In our first small group session, I was afraid that I had been given a group of mute children that had chronic fatigue syndrome. They just sat there and looked around at each other and didn't say too much at all. Now, if you know me, you know that I have a lot of energy and that I don't do very well at just sitting there. And I like to talk. The first thought that came to my mind was that my small group was the antithesis of me. The second thought was that, because they were the antithesis of me, that they would end up thinking I was crazy or dumb or some combination of the two, and that would make for a pretty crappy week for all of us.

Well, we met for the required time and then sent them off to supper. When we met for our small group time, again, there had been some fascinating transformation. They were all talking and laughing and joking and moving around. It was wonderful. I raised my arms to the heavens and sang a loud "Hallelujah." Well, in my head, anyway. But the thing that really got me was, as we were leaving to go to evening worship, one of the girls said, "Shouldn't we sit together as a group at worship?" The other adult and I answered that we didn't have to, but if they wanted to that it would be great. They all agreed and we ended up sitting together. It was fantastic. And the bonding just continued from there.

I keep trying to write something, only to backspace and delete it all. Words just don't seem to be good enough to explain what I experienced. One of the volunteer staff told me at the beginning of the week that it would be life changing for me. I just smiled and nodded and disregarded what she had said. How would this be any different than any other youth event that I had been to in the past 10 years? Well, it was. And I'm glad.

I'll work on putting some more of my experiences to words, to share with all of you. I hope that you can be patient and tolerant with me!!

it is finished...

2005-07-23T19:43:00.000-05:00

and i am tired!!

So, there was the potential for internet access this week, however, at the dorm in which I was sleeping, it required having your own computer and cord. I had neither, so then it would have required borrowing(begging) another one of the volunteer staff to use their computer, which in turn would have required them to go to their room to get it for me and bring it down into the lounge area, which is where the plug-in was. And the lounge was always full of various and random amounts of youth and adults and would have afforded little privacy. So there was no blogging this week (as you have probably noticed). So I will give you an overview of my week:

The leadership event I attended is a joint effort by all three synods in the state. It has been going on for 41 years (in some shape), and so has a big history and many traditions and memories. In the current form, you can begin after your freshman year of high school with the beginner's year. It covers leadership basics, Lutheran doctrine, low ropes initiatives, decision making, planning, and all sorts of things in between the celebration/worships and other large group activities. As a new volunteer, I was placed with this group because it is the year with the most structure and would be easier for someone with no previous experience to step into and become engaged. After your beginner year, your next year you move up to the advanced level, followed by the third and fourth level in consecutive years. I had little experience with those levels, so I could not say anything about them, really. The idea, however, is that they build on what was learned the previous years and continue to help the youth grow their gifts. After you have gone through all four levels you qualify for what is called staff in training, and after two years of that, the youth are allowed to come back as volunteer staff. And believe me, they keep coming back. There is also a week for adults to come to the event and participate, after which I think they are considered eligible to be staff, as well. Few people, it seems, come to the event as staff without prior exposure to the event.

When I arrived onto the college campus on Sunday, I was a bit nervous and had no idea what was going on. I was the only volunteer below the age of 35 who had not gone through all four levels of the leadership event as youth, and those who were young enough had also completed both levels of staff in training. There were a few adults who had come to the event later in life, but even they had completed the adult week and all but one had been staff before this past week, too.

I'm trying to remember what is important to write and leave out the things that don't make any difference, but my mind is a bit clouded with fatigue and I feel the weariness deep in my bones. So, for now, I will just list a few of the highlights and leave the potential for expansion.

420 young and old people gathered together to learn and serve and worship and pray and play and eat and sleep and live together for a week;
the dance, where i was truly in my element. I bopped around the dance floor from group to group, having a great time;
Being able to be around other adults who truly believe that youth ministry is important and vital to the life of the church;
Bacon for breakfast;
If the life of the church were to depend on the kids that I met this week, we would be in great shape.

Okay... there was a lot more that happened, more things I'd like to share... I wish I could just hook a cord to my brain and it could translate it all into the blog for you all, but alas there is no such thing. So I will try to come back to the computer at a later date and fill you in with some more details later!!!

hasta lavista

2005-07-16T13:28:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm not leaving quite yet, but close enough. Because I think between now and the time that I actually leave, I will not have much time to blog. I have to finish getting ready for worship this evening, then after worship I will be packing like a madman, making sure I have everything that I need, double checking to make sure I have everything I need, and then probably going to bed. Then tomorrow morning I have two worship services and immediately after our second one I will be racing from the church and speeding away to get to the youth leadership event on time. They ask that the staff be there a day early, and the particular staff that I am a part of are to be there at 2:00 for debriefing and whatnot. Well, it is about a 2.5 hour drive from here to there. So even if we get out of church in an hour, as the congregation would prefer, I would be cutting it very close to get there on time. But it is, indeed, doable. I may just be a bit late, but they will survive and I will survive, and all shall be well.
Then I will be gone for a week. Now, it's a college campus and so chances are very good that I will have access to a computer sometime during the week. However, people who know me know that I tend to get swept up in the moment, and so it might not occur to me that I can go log onto a computer and shoot something out to my blog audience. But I do plan to bring a notebook along with me to jot down thoughts and things that happen, so you can rest assured that you will enjoy the fruits of that labor, even if I don't blog in the midst of the week.
I will be returning on Saturday, probably just in time to change clothes and assist with worship. Thank the sweet Lord above that I am not preaching that weekend as was originally scheduled. That would have been insane.
So, if I don't speak with you before then (which I probably won't) I hope you all have a great week and enjoy your various endeavors!

new webring

2005-07-14T21:39:00.000-05:00

So, Christopher over at Bending the Rule had joined a webring and then quit, after realizing that there was a bit too much porn for his liking. Then, Nathan at Quo Vadis created the Queer Faith Alliance as a way to connect gay people of faith, and saying that there is a "need for queer people of faith to come together at this time and affirm in our exile that we, too, are the People of God and that we are all human persons worthy of the same dignity and respect, and the rights that come with that dignity and respect. If we don't come together to say it, it has become increasingly clear that no one else is going to."

I couldn't agree more. I believe that the issue of inclusion in the church is not something that only affects our GLBT brothers and sisters, although it more directly affects them, but it affects all the Children of God. It is not just the job of those being oppressed and silenced to cry out, but it is also the job of those of us who live in privilege to stand in solidarity with our brothers and sisters. And so, since the Queer Faith Alliance exists solely as a webring for LGBT people, I thought that I would create a webring for LGBT Children of God and their allies. I named it "Reconciling Christian Bloggers" because I know that the movement in the Lutheran church is called "Reconciling in Christ," and our token Methodist at text study has a travel mug that says "Proud to be a Reconciling Methodist."

So please join! Don't make my first attempt at a webring go down in flames!!! Click on "join" in the little square on my sidebar!! Let's join together and let our LGBT sisters and brothers know that they are indeed welcome in the family of God and that we are ready, willing and able to struggle beside them!

time to spice things up

2005-07-14T17:35:00.000-05:00

I'm not a big fan of any of the templates that Blogger has to choose from. I find them all to be either terribly plain, or a bit too gawdy. So, as I was looking at the recent edition of my blog, I thought it was a bit plain, and I considered going through the process of picking a new template and then redoing my links section (because no, I do not use blogrolling. I tried once and for some reason it was beyond me, and so now I don't try anymore) and redoing my site counter and haloscan comments. That just seemed like a lot of work to me. Then, however, I was visiting a couple other blogs and they have nice pictures in their sidebars, and that's when it struck me. When I want to spice up my rooms at home, I add pictures. Pictures of loved ones and friends and family, of important and influential people in my life. I thought I might try to do that on my blog. Only one problem... I don't know how. I use a little program to upload photos into the body of my blog posts, and I know that Blogger now allows you to upload photos, too, but I don't know the html code, or whatever, to insert photos into my sidebar. Or how to figure out how to make them fit nicely without horribly distorting either the picture or my blog.

So here is my plea: All of you more tech savvy bloggers out there, how do you insert pictures into your sidebar? Help a brother out, please!!!

days like this...

2005-07-12T23:50:00.000-05:00

It is days like this when I realize how deeply I will miss this place.

My day started like any normal Tuesday. I got up and got ready for work, and then came over to the church. I checked e-mail and looked at my calendar to see what was coming up for the day, then I walked down the hall for the area pastor text study. Our happy group of Lutheran pastors, and token Methodist, were already beginning to gather in the classroom. I sat down (not in my usual seat, because it was taken... Grrrr....) and we began our discussion of the texts for this Sunday. I really have enjoyed getting to know this group. They are mostly progressive thinking type people, but those who are not so progressive still feel as if they can speak up within the group. We all get along pretty well, and I appreciate their humor and insight and collective wisdom. Sure, there are days when we don't talk a whole lot about the text at hand, but truth be told, those are some of my favorite days.

However, I had to leave early for the second day of water ski day camp. So I drove out to the park and joked around with the kids, we said a prayer, then the three youth who were present went onto the boat with Capt. Jack, and the other two adults present and I sat down for a game of Scrabble. Which I won. Then after a good lunch of hot dogs and chips and soda and candy and fruit, three more youth arrived. So five kids and Capt. Jack went on the boat and the sixth youth (who was not interested in skiing) joined us for a game of Scrabble. I didn't win this one. But it was a good time to sit and talk and have a relaxing time. There was work involved... preparing and cleaning up and leading Bible study... but the in-between times were fun.

Then we left the park and I came home. I checked my e-mail and lounged around for a bit before changing my shoes and heading out to the neighborhood middle school to cheer on the church softball team. We lost (by only two points) but it was fun and I had a good time cheering with the rest of the troublemakers. This has been a fun experience. I know I posted a while back about how I was afraid to play for the team, due to my lack of ball hitting/catching ability, but this team was nowhere close to "needing" to win as I had thought. In fact, most of the time they were resigned to losing, but went out to have a great time, anyway. We were the most age and gender diverse team. Most of the other churches stacked their team with younger and bigger men. We had people all the way from 12 to 60 out there on the field. It was a great intergenerational experience, and I'm glad I got to be a part of it, if I mostly did cheering from the sidelines and (sometimes) saying some slightly out of line comments.

After the softball game, I went out to eat with three members of the church. PD (Pastor's Daughter... I thought I'd translate because I haven't redone my link for my Who's Who post yet), myself and two members of the Goodtime family. I'm calling them the Goodtime because most any time spent with this family is a good time. There are three Goodtime brothers that are members of the church. All three are married. The is R and B Goodtime, K and P Goodtime and T and C Goodtime. B Goodtime is the liaison to the council for the youth committee, and has been out at water skiing off and on. She has a 6 year old son who I think is the greatest. Way back at St Patrick's Day when we were getting ready for the dance, she brought her son along, and that sidetracked me from being able to help out at all. Anyway, it was K and P Goodtime that we went out to eat with. They are just a hoot, and we've decided that even thought softball is over, we'll still have to do something on either Tuesday or Thursday nights.

After supper, PD and I went out to another family from church's house. We visited their farm kittens (I named two of them: Bojangles and Lump), and then played a fun game called Apples to Apples. It's the party game of the year. Says so on the box, so it must be true. And it's an amazing time sucker. If you have three hours that you need to kill, just grab some people and play this game. They'll go by quickly.

So now, sitting here, I can easily remember being that nervous guy who knew nobody and wondered what the hell he was doing coming to this strange town and trying to be the intern pastor to these strange people. Now, although I sometimes still wonder what the hell I'm doing, I see all these great people who I enjoy and love and want to spend time with. Sure, some of them are strange - who am I kidding? MOST of them are strange- but they've nestled quite nicely into my heart. It's a pretty good fit.

I hope that nyi (next year's intern) has a nice spot in his heart to put them.

And he better take damn good care of them.

double dose of Ugh!

2005-07-11T21:56:00.000-05:00

We had the first day of our three day water ski camp today. And I had thought that the whole drama aspect of this thing was past us. I thought we'd come to an agreement of sorts. I was wrong.

The man who is the driving force behind the day camp, who shall from here on out be referred to as Captain Jack (going for a nautical theme), agreed to limiting his water ski exploits through the church to the three day camp. We were all present at the meeting when he agreed to it, when he said it sounded good to him. I heard it with my own two ears. The youth ministry committee would plan a menu and fix the food, do the Bible study, and have people come out to the park to be "beach moms" for all three days of the camp. All Capt. Jack would have to do is drive the boat, which is all he has ever seemed willing to do. We made the agreement, however, that we'd need at least five youth to sign up if the committee was going to take all of the time and go to all of the work to make sure it went smoothly. At the last minute, Capt. Jack pulled just enough kids together so that we were committed. When I arrived at the park today, however, it was a different story. Two of the youth who had signed up were not there. Only three kids showed up. One of the missing youth was accounted for. He was at his summer job detasseling corn and would be coming out later (later meaning about 2:00, which is one hour before we are scheduled to be done) but it seems Capt. Jack had him sign up anyway (although he wouldn't be present for any of the other activities) so that he would bulk up the number of youth present.

Then, at a quarter 'til 3, Capt. Jack took a boatload of kids out to go skiing. You can't do enough waterskiing in 15 minutes to make it worthwhile. He also took youth who he knew were depending on rides from some of the beach moms, thereby insuring that they could not leave at 3:00, either, as was planned. By an act of God they lost the rope, so they couldn't tow a skiier. But they still drove up and down the river looking for the rope, before giving up and coming in. Before the youth left, however, Capt. Jack let them know he'd be starting an hour earlier tomorrow and going a couple hours later. Once again he undermined the authority of the committee. We can't tell him that he can't bring his boat out to the public park whenever he wants to, and we can't tell him that he can't keep it there as long as he pleases. We can't tell the youth that they can't show up an hour earlier than the planned time, nor can we tell them they have to leave when the event is over. Really, we're kind of powerless in this situation where it seems Capt. Jack has manipulated us to get what he wants.

And I'm trying not to be bitter about it. Capt. Jack enjoys waterskiing and he wants to share that with the youth. He's giving of his time to come to the river for the same amount of time that many people put in at the office, to allow youth from church to spend time waterskiing on the river. Normally, when someone wants to spend that much time with the youth at church, you definitely do not discourage it. But it just seems that he has gone about this the wrong way.

He expects everyone to do all the work while he just drives the boat. After we had agreed to help for the three day camp, and advertised that we were doing the three day camp, he went behind the backs of the committee members and started calling youth to come out every wednesday to water ski. Then he kept telling me that he expected me to come out and do Bible study every Wednesday. Now that we're actually doing the day camp, he tells the youth that he's extending the hours of skiing. It seems that Capt. Jack is getting what he wants, and we can't do much about it.

Reading through this post, I feel as if I'm being a bit too whiny. What are three days, really, in the scheme of things? So what if he spends a couple extra hours with the kids, outside of the planned day camp? Who cares if he still goes out every Wednesday to water ski? He likes to drive his boat. Why shouldn't he pull some kids behind him while he's doing it? Am I just being bitter and petty? After preaching this past weekend about the parable of the sower, how do I know what kind of seeds are being sown through this? The youth are seeing this older member of the church who is willing to take time out to tow them up and down the river. Who knows what kind of impact that is having? And here I am complaining because it isn't "what we agreed on." Who's being the hindrance to effective ministry here? Him or me? Or both?

Ugh.

i be busy

2005-07-10T18:24:00.000-05:00

I was under the false impression that when I got closer to the end of my internship that things would start to slow down. I thought I'd be much less busy and I'd get to kind of coast the last few weeks, and be able to focus on saying good goodbyes before I leave.

It's beginning to not look that way.

First, we have the upcoming Water Ski Camp. Basically, there's an older gentleman who loves to water ski. He has instilled that love in his children who have instilled it in their children, as well. One of his sons moved up to Wisconsin and was able to get the church he joined up there excited about the idea of a water ski ministry in the summer. Lots of youth participated, lots of parents were excited about it, and it has just gotten bigger from there. So, the older gentleman thinks that if his son can do it up at the church in Wisconsin, there is no reason why he shouldn't be able to do it here. And he's been trying for the past seven years. The first year or two got a lot of regular involvement. It met every Wednesday at 10 until about 2, and the youth who were in high school really enjoyed it. However, in the past seven years, excitement about and participation in the program has greatly decreased. Some of the youth mentioned that the gentleman in charge would yell at them if they couldn't get up on the skis as easily as he thought they should, and that he showed favoritism for the youth that already had water ski talent and would take them out in the boat more often than the inexperienced youth. Also, a few years ago our church had a youth drown in the river where the water ski ministry is held, granted it wasn't with the water ski ministry and there were drugs and alcohol rumored to be involved, but now parents are extremely wary about letting their youth use the river. Also, this man only wants to drive the boat. He thinks everyone else should be in charge of everything else. Someone else should provide the food, someone else should do the Bible study, someone else should plan the logistics. He'll just drive the boat. Granted, he's not a favorite among the youth ministry committee. Anyway, after he bugged and bugged the committee to do this water ski ministry, we decided to do a three day water ski day camp from 10 until 2, Monday-Wednesday of this week. We offered to take care of the logistics, food and Bible study. He agreed. Well, several weeks ago he started calling youth from the church to get them to come out to the weekly water skiing, bugging some of the church staff (i.e. ME) to lead Bible study every Wednesday (to which I said NO) and using permission slips with the church's name on it. There has been some brouhaha about that, and I think things are finally worked out, but I still have to lead Bible study for all three days of the day camp this week. When it came to that part of planning the camp, all eyes turned to me. There were no other options. But I guess that's what I get for going into this line of work.

We also have our last softball game this Tuesday, a church council meeting on Wednesday, and I preach this weekend.

Then, after church on Sunday I head out for the week to go take part in a youth leadership event. Early on in my internship I e-mailed the planning committee for this event, asking for information for my youth, but after offering a friendly introduction, of course. I got an e-mail response which directed me to their webpage, as well as a note that said they might ask me to be a staff member for the week. Well, sure enough, they did. And Supervising said that if I got about three youth to go, then I could serve on staff. I only got two, but Supervising said that was enough.

Thankfully, I don't preach the weekend after the leadership event, although I have four committee meetings in the span of three days, plus a youth service to help plan, and a council retreat.

I'm not sure what next month will look like, although Supervising is on vacation from Aug 1 until Aug 10, and my last day is Aug 14 (of course I preach that day!). Although I already know that those weeks will be consumed with packing and cleaning.

So yeah... So much for coasting to the finish. Although I suppose it's good to keep busy. Then I won't dwell so much on the fact that I'm leaving and eventually will have to say good bye. That part is gonna suck.

And, of course, I didn't give myself time to rest afterwards, either. Because less than a week after I move back to the Mother Ship, I'm going with a small group of classmates up to Northern Minnesota to the Boundary Waters to go canoeing. Then, as soon as I get back from that, I'm packing up and going to visit my parents, and also to preach at my home church. I have a long list of friends from back home that are feeling neglected and forgotten, so I need to make sure to go and visit EVERY SINGLE ONE of them, mainly because I want to, but also because if word got back to them that I was in the area and didn't stop to see them they'd be storming my house with torches. Then, I get back to the Mother Ship with two days rest before classes start. Ugh.

It's non-stop from here on out, folks. It should be exciting.

sorry for the mess

2005-07-10T14:10:00.000-05:00

So... I was unwise and decided to change my template. I thought that I had copied my sidebar, so all I would need to do was paste it into the new template and that would fix everything... Yeah, that didn't work out as planned.
So now I have to go about the business of redoing my entire sidebar. I lost all my links to websites and blogs, as well as my visitor counter and my statements of welcome... So over the next few days I will be rebuilding all of that over there. Be patient with me, I don't have the patience to do it right now. But rest assured if your blog was listed over there before, it shall be listed again. And perhaps there might even be a few new ones.
Argh.

life's BIG questions

2005-07-09T15:58:00.000-05:00

I guess you can say that lately I've been pondering the big questions of life. Questions that loom largely in the grand scheme of things. Unable to come up with acceptable answers on my own, I thought that I should share them with my blog audience. However, I'm not sure that some questions in life are ever able to be answered, but that shouldn't stop us from discussing them. Here are some of the questions I have been pondering:

Why is it that when you heat up raw hamburger on the stove or on a grill it is good to eat, but when you heat up raw hamburger because you left it on the counter in the sun too long, it is definitely NOT good to eat?

Why is it that when you warm up milk on the stove top or in the microwave it is good to drink, and is also said to help you relax and sleep better, but when you warm up milk because you left it sitting out of the fridge too long, it is definitely not good to drink, nor does it help you to relax or sleep better?

Why is it that when you forget about and leave a houseplant unattended in the corner of your house that it will wither and die, but if you forget about something and leave it unattended in the corner of your fridge that it most certainly does not die, but suddenly sprouts all kinds of new and thriving life forms?

they're after me...

2005-07-08T17:18:00.000-05:00

One of the sometimes fun sometimes not so fun things about the Mother Ship is that they include interns on their mass e-mail list. That means that when someone announces something fun to the community through e-mail, such as an answered prayer or a birth announcement, that even those of us off campus get to share in the joy. That also means that if someone needs a ride somewhere or the long distance phone service will be down or they fertilized the lawn or some other little tidbit of information that doesn't impact anyone not on campus, we get that, too.

So, I was checking my school e-mail account and I read an e-mail that confirms my suspicions and paranoia. Luckily, however, the infiltrators did not know that I am not on campus. Here's the e-mail:

"There is a injured raccoon wandering on campus. Animal control said it was not unusual to see raccoons out during the day and it was best to leave it alone. Animal control only picks up animals that can be caught with a rope pole. DO NOT approach this animal. Call me if this raccoon seems to be acting strange and I will call animal control immediately."

I'm not sure how it got injured, but it serves those darn raccoons right for trying to torment me. Grrrr.....

REPENT! THE END IS NEAR!!!

2005-07-06T13:33:00.000-05:00

Okay, so this isn't really a post about the Eschaton or the parousia or the rapture or anything like that (so, for all of you non-theology nerds, we'll interrupt this post briefly to discuss the theological terms just used... Eschaton is taken from the Greek word eschatos, which means last or farthest. It has to do with the final events in the history of the world or humankind. So, it means the end of the world. Parousia is taken from the Greek word pareinai which means to be present, and is used to describe the Second Coming of Christ. The rapture is what you're reading about when you read the Left Behind book series, when all of the good and righteous believers will be lifted up, leaving all of us sinners down here in our dirty squalor.)

Now that that is out of the way, back to the intent of the post.

It is getting down to where I can count on one hand the number of times I have to do certain things here on internship. Here is a partial list:

6 more Sundays

4 more sermons

4 more staff meetings

2 more church council meetings

1 more executive committee meeting

1 more softball game

1 more internship committee meeting

1 more newsletter article

1 more area clergy gathering

So, when you put it that way, I really don't have that much longer left here on internship. They always say that internship kind of flies by, but when you are looking at internship as merely a future reality, a year seems like a long time. But life in the trenches clips along at a steady pace. It takes a bit to get into the flow, but once you do, it takes you along pretty quickly. Before you know it, the end is near and keeps getting closer.

I was reading through my blog archives the other day, reliving moments from my previous year at seminary, like when I found out where I'd be going on internship. Then I got to where I blogged about moving to my new town, my first time assisting with a worship service at the church, my subsequent loss of a social life, when i discovered the vagrant in my furnace room, my constant struggles with Tom, various dillemas and discernment crises, various errors and bloopers I committed leading worship services, and all sorts of various and sundry stories and tales and remembrances. A lot has definitely happened this year.

Through it all, not only have I managed to cling on to my calling to become a pastor, but I believe it has gotten stronger. I've seen some of the things that ministry entails - good and bad - and really believe that this is where God is calling me to use the gifts and talents that I have been given.

So, yeah. My time here on internship is drawing to a close. Pretty soon, my blog will shift from detailing the experiences of an intern in the midst of pastoral ministry to a senior seminarian struggling through essays and interviews and exams and venturing into the waters of the first call process. I look forward to sharing continued adventures with you!!!

podunk gay pride?

2005-07-05T23:20:00.000-05:00

I think, this previous week, that I experienced Podunk's version of a gay pride festival.
There were festivities: rock bands, a Blues Brothers tribute band, drum and bugle corps competition, carnival rides and games, and even a parade.
There was food: corn dogs, cotton candy, funnel cakes, elephant ears, turkey legs, cheese fries, smoothies, lemonade, soda, a lot of alcohol and more.
There were a lot of people: people on stilts, clowns, shriners in small cars, people in skimpy clothing, lots of tanned and toned bodies, people in outrageous costumes, a couple brave same sex couples holding hands in public, and a plethora of "carnies".
But the thing that topped it all of was the slogan for the event. Now, if someone from the area (or someone who has previously lived in the area) reads this blog, and still has no idea where I'm located, once I reveal the slogan for the event, all should be made clear. The slogan for the event, which is called The Petunia Festival, was:
The Pink... The Proud... The Petunias!
It just seemed like quite the gay pride slogan to me. Everytime I heard it, saw it on a button, or thought of it, I would giggle to myself and wonder if anyone on the planning committee ever had that thought occur to them. For some reason, I doubt it. But it provided me with humor throughout the festivities. Plus, I can't complain because it's not everyday I get the chance to gorge myself on funnel cakes and cotton candy and corn dogs, and hang out in a spot which provides such great opportunities to people watch.

i've got church camp on the brain

2005-07-05T13:50:00.000-05:00

My mind, lately, has been focused on things camp. It's summer, which by itself is enough to get my mind wandering and remembering my glory days as a camp counselor, but several of my bloggy friends have posted or commented about how they are headed off to camp this week. That sort of makes me jealous. I want to be out at camp!
I think when I graduate seminary and receive my first call into a church, I'm going to find out if they already take kids to church camp every summer and, if so, which camp they go to. If not, I'm going to do some local camp shopping, find which one I like the best, and then start pushing summer camp like crazy. If for not other reason then so that I can go to camp.
But seriously, I believe that church camp is an amazing experience. I don't remember the exact number right offhand, but a large number of people who pursue vocations in ministry have had church camp experience. Many people claim that it was at camp that they first experienced the calling to ministry. But even if it doesn't go that far, I've seen junior high youth arrive at camp at the beginning of the week, believing that they are far too cool to participate in something as uncool and lame as a sing-along at church camp. By the end of the week, they are singing and clapping and having a grand ol' time. I've seen youth get upset when their parents left them at camp, crying because they didn't want to be there, and then by the time the end of the week rolls around, they're crying because their parents are there and they don't want to go home. I've seen youth trade addresses and e-mails with other campers, so that they can all register for the same week the following summer. I've seen God work in amazing ways through counselors and campers and maintenance workers and kitchen staff and camp directors.
Of course, camp wasn't always a happy fun time. I've had homesick campers who do nothing but cry. I've had campers (during a 1st-3rd grade week) call me an f***ing idiot and kick, bite, pinch, and hit me. I've had two campers have bowel issues which I won't discuss any further. I've had campers lash out at other campers as well as counselors. But, in hindsight, those things don't seem nearly as bad as they did when they were happening. And besides, without those experiences, I wouldn't have some of my great stories that I love to share with others.
So, yeah. It's summer time. The weather is hot and wonderful. The days are long. I want to be outside leading kids on a hike or paddling a canoe across the lake or playing games in the pool or lounging in the shade of a tree leading Bible Study or jumping and singing camp songs around a campfire.
God bless church camps!!!

my guess

2005-07-04T13:34:00.000-05:00

So, in a moment of frustration- or two, really, since I posted the first question and then added the second at a later time- I posted some questions that frustrate me.
The first one I have trouble understanding is how people can spew bile and hate out of their mouths towards others, and still claim to be proclaiming the Gospel - the Good News.
The second was why people are afraid of or threatened by the idea that God's love and mercy and grace are big enough for EVERYONE.
I believe that the answer to the first branches off from the answer to the second. I'll try my best to articulate the thoughts that I've been thinking about these questions, perhaps provide some insight, but I do not claim to know the answer to these questions.

I just finished reading The Great Divorce by CS Lewis. It's a great, short read which illustrates an idea about what the afterlife could look like. Hell is a dull, dreary, lifeless city stuck in perpetual dusk. Heaven is a lush, vibrant, beautiful land dwelling in the constant promise of sunrise. Those living in Hell are allowed to take field trips to Heaven, where they are greeted by people whom they knew when they were alive and who are now living in Heaven. The residents of Heaven try their best to convince the residents of Hell to stay in Heaven, but the residents of Hell are often too strongly attached to their earthly ways and are unable to really see the grace and mercy and love that is being offered to them, and they almost all decide to take the return trip to Hell.

Many of the residents of Hell were inidgnant that certain people were allowed in Heaven and they weren't. They list all of the good things that they had done, and then condemn the life the other had lived. The can't imagine how someone "like that" was able to get into Heaven while they were sent to Hell.

And I think that's a big part of it. We try to stuff God's grace and love and mercy into a human sized box. We try to make God think and look and act like us. God thinks what we think. God loves only those who we love. God doesn't like anything that we don't like. We try to make God something that we are comfortable with, that upholds what we believe to be important. People who claim to know or believe in a God that is different than what we think God should be can be threatening. It's the slippery slope idea. If what that person says is true, we think, and God isn't necessarily in the image of a human male like I believe God to be... then what other things that I hold dear might be false? If I could be wrong in that instance, what else am I wrong about? And we, as humans, don't like to be wrong. We like to think we have all the answers. So, we'll fight tooth and nail to prove that the God we believe in is right. We'll pull out all the little bits and pieces of the Bible that support our arguments. "See!" we'll shout. "Right here Jesus says to address God as Father! Therefore God MUST be masculine!" or, "See! Right here, in these two verses, it says that what you are doing is an abomination. Therefore, it must be true!" To think that God might love and care for, and hope to bring unto Godself, even those people that we don't understand (or are afraid of) makes us uncomfortable. We, in our human minds, cannot fathom to think that people we don't like and don't agree with could find a place in Heaven, alongside the people we like and consider to be wholesome and worthy. It doesn't mesh with what we believe to be right and true and just.

Therefore, if someone believes in something that doesn't mesh with OUR beliefs, then it follows that their beliefs don't mesh with God's beliefs, too. Or if they behave in a way that we don't consider appropriate and moral, then they must be behaving in a way that God considers inappropriate and immoral, as well. Therefore they must be wrong. And if they're wrong, then they must be going to Hell. And because we've tried our damndest to stuff God into this box, and this small box is all we'll allow ourselves to see, we are able to believe that God is okay with it. God only saves those who act the way I act and believe what I believe. Of course "those people" will go to Hell. And they pull out their bits and pieces of Scripture and yell them outloud and believe that they are preaching what God wants them to preach. They think God wants them condemning people to Hell, calling people abominations and shunning others because they are different. They really think that what they're doing is out of love for the other, not out of hate or ignorance or misunderstanding or fear. They really think that they are proclaiming Good News.

In The Great Divorce, if the residents of Hell are able to let go of the beliefs and ideas, that are most likely the reasons they ended up in Hell in the first place, they are given new bodies and are able to remain in Heaven. It is then that they see that everything that happened during their life on earth was actually a part of their time in Heaven and are able to see the joy and glory in everything that happened to them during that time. They also realize that the time they spent in Hell was not actually Hell, but more like purgatory. However, if they choose to go back and remain in Hell they keep their ghostly bodies and they see that everything in their life on earth was actually a part of their time in Hell, and they lose sight of the joy and love they experienced on earth and it is overshadowed by the sin and evil that they experienced.

Now, I am definitely not claiming what side of the bus trip I'll end up on. I deliberately used "we" in the above paragraphs as a way to remind myself of the ways that I put God in a box, as well, and try to make God into something I'm comfortable with. I know that it is not just the conservative evangelicals or any one type of Christian that is culpable of doing that. We all are at one time or another. But, I do see some correlation between what some people profess and believe and the distinction between Heaven and Hell in The Great Divorce.

If we believe that God is a God of grace and mercy and love, then we can focus on the joy and love in every person and experience here on earth. But if we believe that God is a God of anger and judgment, constantly focusing on our sins, then it would be hard to focus on the joy and love in every person and experience because we would be focused on the sin and transgressions.

I believe that God is a God of love and grace and mercy and compassion that transcends all human hoping. I believe that God's greatest desire is that all of God's children be reconciled to one another and to God. I believe that God will not rest until all of God's children are gathered together, and I don't believe that God subscribes to the same exceptions of which we, as humans, are guilty.

So those are my thoughts and ideas concerning the questions. Feel free to add your own!

p.s. Happy Independence Day (to my USAmerican readers), Happy normal 4th of July to everyone else!

can someone please explain this to me:

2005-07-01T00:08:00.000-05:00

How can some people be so full of hatred and bile towards people and still claim to be proclaiming the Gospel?

It's really something I don't understand.

AND another thing: Why do some people get all upset at the thought that God JUST MIGHT love everyone the way that they are, and that God's grace extends to everyone? Why are they so threatened by a loving, grace-filled God?

what does your birthdate say about you?

2005-06-29T23:54:00.000-05:00

Okay, before I comment, here's what this site said my birthdate said about me:

Your Birthdate: April 4

Being born on the 4th day of the month should help make you a better manager and organizer.

You may be more responsible and self-disciplined than you realize.

Sincere and honest, you are a serious and hard working individual.

Your feelings are likely to seem somewhat repressed at times.

The number 4 has something of an inhibiting effect on your ability to show and express affections, as feeling are very closely regulated and controlled.

You are apt to be much more practical, rational, and conscious of details.

There is a good deal of rigidity and stubbornness associated with the number 4.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Okay, so let's discuss this now.

Better organizer and manager? Um... no. Have you seen my office? Have you seen my house? Yeah, one look at that and you would agree that I have the organizational skills of an enraged gorilla.

More responsible and self-disciplined than I realize? Hmmm... In a pinch I can be pretty good. Although it wouldn't take much to be moreso than I realize.

Repressed feelings? Inhibiting effect on my ability to show and express affections? Yeah, not so much. I'm a pretty emotional guy, and if I'm feeling it, you can tell. I'm known for my expressive face which often gives me away. And I'm not known for being much of a repressed or inhibited person.

More practical, rational, and conscious of details? Oh, boy... I don't think it could have gotten much more wrong. I'm not known for being practical, or rational for that matter, and I tend to be more of a big picture kinda guy.

Good deal of rigidity and stubbornness? Okay, I'll give them the stubborn part, because I can be pretty stubborn. But rigidity? I am not a very rigid person. I tend to be fairly flexible and spontaneous and I can very easily go with the flow.

So, either this thing is HORRIBLY WRONG, or my parents lied to me about my birthdate.

navel gazing

2005-06-29T18:41:00.000-05:00

In the midst of my working, I have visited the internet numerous times today and always seem to end up staring at my blog. There was just this little voice or feeling or something subtly urging me to write something. But, for the life of me, I could not think of anything to write. My cup- which almost always runneth over with things to tell you about and various occurrences about which to over react, problems to blow out of proportion or memories to share and exaggerate- is sadly empty today. Is there somewhere to get a free refill?

One thing that happened today was the meeting of the Executive Committee of the Church Council. That would be: president, vice president, secretary, treasurer, Supervising, myself, and our parish administrator. Not a whole lot was discussed of much importance, but one thing was definitely brought to my attention: People on a local level are often blissfully unaware about what is occurring in their church on a national level.

Point in case: One of the items that Supervising discussed was the synod assembly where the recommendations from the Task Force on Human Sexuality were discussed, and a poll was taken. I wrote about it here.

Supervising began talking about it, and it was as if a lot of these people - leaders in our church - had no idea what he was talking about. They asked questions as if it was the first time they'd heard that these issues and recommendations are going before the churchwide assembly this August.

And it's not like they have not had opportunities to learn about these things. When I first began they were having a well publicized Bible study with the intention of educating members about the issues, and giving them an opportunity to then give feedback to the task force to help shape the recommendations. Only a handful of people showed up, and only one of those was a church council member. Then, in December (or January? I wrote about it, and could go check, but I don't especially want to right now) they had the opportunity on a synod-level to meet and discuss the recommendations after they had been released to the congregations. How many people ended up going? I think Supervising and myself (well, and another member, but she was on the Task Force so she was expected to be there, anyway).

I guess this is to be expected. The church has begun to increasingly focus inward. Finances are tough, and there is some debt. Membership isn't what it used to be, and hasn't shown signs of growth for some time. Worried about making ends meet they are beginning to become a church that focuses on maintenance, and not mission. They've decided to cut their support to the Synod, not because they don't support the ministry of the larger church, but because that is the easiest expense to cut which will effect us the least. Each month the council votes whether or not they will send the payment to the synod, based on whether or not they feel there is adequate funds available.

So, I guess it should be no surprise why a lot of people don't know what is going on in the larger church. They're too busy navel gazing to look up and realize that church is much more than what goes on here. Sure, worship is important and it is the heartbeat of a church, but the church is also about doing the work of God outside these walls. It's about being a vibrant body who is living and breathing and moving and reaching out. I don't know about you, but if I had to choose between being friends with two people, one of which just sat there like a bump on a log, unwilling to reach out and interact with people around him, and was too busy focusing on what was going on inside him, and the other was vibrant and outgoing, constantly moving and talking and sharing and helping others, I think it's pretty obvious what choice I'd make. I think a lot of people would make a similar choice. And choosing a church isn't much different.

Of course, then comes the question: As the pastor intern, how do you draw the people outside of themselves? How do you help them to see that they shouldn't focus so much on staying alive, but if they focus on moving outward and welcoming and helping others, that the whole staying alive thing will take care of itself?

I've tried in my sermons to say: We are claimed and loved and chosen by God. We are to share this news with others. We are to radically welcome EVERYONE into our midst, with kindess and open arms. Every sermon I try to end with bringing it back to the congregation, telling them what this means for us, and how we should respond. People come up and smile. They say, "Good sermon. I especially like the part where you said we should [do this]." How many of them follow through? That's a good question. But I figure that if I keep preaching, and keep trying to practice what I preach, that they will hear my words and see my example and perhaps that will spark a little movement in the right direction. And if, in my year here at this congregation, I am able to even encourage a little movement, then I believe my time will have been well spent.

So, for not having any idea of what I was going to say, I sure did take up a lot of room...

working hard... um, yeah... that's it

2005-06-28T12:56:00.000-05:00

I have wanted to read this book for some time, and almost bought it yesterday. Not entirely sure why I didn't, but it is kind of an odd coincidence...

You're A Prayer for Owen Meany!

by John Irving

Despite humble and perhaps literally small beginnings, you inspirefaith in almost everyone you know. You are an agent of higher powers, and you manifestthis fact in mysterious and loud ways. A sense of destiny pervades your every wakingmoment, and you prepare with great detail for destiny fulfilled. When you speak, IT SOUNDS LIKE THIS!

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

whatcha gonna do when they come for you?

2005-06-27T20:56:00.000-05:00

Yesterday evening, I decided I needed to get outside. It was cooling off, and there was a nice breeze, and I had had enough of sitting around in the house. So, I decided to "walk the grounds" and check out the many and various flower gardens that the women of the church have lovingly planted and care for. They've increased their borders into my yard, too, but seeing as how most of my areas set aside for flower beds were overgrown with weeds when the church ladies annexed them I decided not to complain.

As I was aimlessly wandering, enjoying the petunias and rose bushes and various other flowers that I don't know, a car drove by and I heard shouting as it passed. I figured it was just one of those "crazy kids" and their loud stereos, but after the car had passed, the shouting hung around. Curiousity got the best of me and I wandered towards the front lawn to get a better look. If you go down the church driveway and cross the street, you can go right into the driveway of a little gray house. The shouting was coming from over there.

There was a group of about 5 or 6 people that I could see who were milling about on the porch/front yard. Then I witnessed the source of the shouting. A shirtless man stormed into the frontyard and stopped. He turned towards the gray house and threw something, and I heard what sounded like a bottle or cup shatter. Then he stormed back around and into the house. From the distance of my vantage point (the church and parsonage are about a 150 feet from the street, or so... that's a crazy, random guesstimate) I could now tell that the people outside, who were apparently all male, were milling about nervously, not sure what to do. Shirtless man came storming back out of the house, although he seemed to have some sort of shirt or coat on at this point. He walked over and got into the driver's seat of a car, at which point a woman came out of the house and ran down the steps to the car. She opened the driver's door and knelt down. I couldn't see what was happening, but then I heard her yelling and the guys in the front yard ran over to the car. Then previously shirtless man got out of the car and stormed back into the house.

I was this close - to calling the police. I was unsure if I was misreading the situation, and I didn't want to get the cops involved in a situation that was unnecessary for them to be involved in, but I thought better safe than sorry. As I was going over whether or not to call the police, I saw one of the guys come walking towards the street. Thinking that they had witnessed me peeking over the bush and spying on them (although, now that I think of it, they were probably too engrossed in what was occurring on their side of the street to notice the top half of a head peeking over a bush) I turned and started walking back to my house. But the young man, who seemed to be in his teens, started pacing nervously on the side of the road, and wringing his hands.

That's it, I thought, people don't act like that for no reason. I need to call the police. Just then, the teenager across the street raised his hands and began waving, and I saw a police car slow down and pull into the driveway. A couple seconds later, a second one pulled in behind it. At this point the action seemed to move inside the house, but I had already told myself that the police were there, and it was no longer my business. When I was trying to assess whether I needed to call the police, it was ok for me to watch. But now that things were under control, I needed to give these people some privacy.

This experience has made me realize a major shift in my personality. Not too long ago, watching a scene like this would have gotten me excited. I would have thought something like, "Oh cool! This is like an episode of Cops! And I'm there IN PERSON!" I would have thought it was neat to see the previously shirtless man thrown to the ground and handcuffed. I would have been watching the scene for the excitement that it would have provided me.

But this time, I wasn't excited, but worried about the people. Especially the teenage boy who was pacing nervously on the side of the road. I thought that there was something unhealthy going on across the street, and I wanted to make sure everything was alright. I was watching the scene, not for the excitement, but to see if there was something I could do to help, such as call the police.

I really had never taken notice of that little gray house across the street. Now, whenever I walk back and forth between the church and parsonage, I glance over and wonder how things went. I wonder if the people are alright and if there was a good ending to the excitement. I worry about that teenage boy, and if that is the sort of environment that he's exposed to on a regular basis - chaotic and wild and potentially unsafe. So, I think tonight, and more often, I'll say a prayer for the people in that house. I'll pray for peace and hope and stability, and that God keep an eye on them, especially that teenage boy, and make sure that they are safe and healthy. And if you wanted to pray for them, too, that would be great.

In other news, everytime I drive downtown I have to pass this other house that's close to one of the main intersections in town. It's not the nicest house, but it's not too shabby. But everytime I drive by, there is a large group of people milling about on the porch. They're usually sitting around and chatting, and the kids are running and playing in the yard. They are definitely not members of the upper crust, and if I had to guess I would say that most of them know what it means to have to work hard to make ends meet. But it always seems they are enjoying themselves and the company of their friends and/or family. This evening as I was driving by, one of the men was sitting out on the side of the porch with a large yellowish snake draped over his shoulders. They just seem to be an interesting bunch. Sometime I think it would be fun to walk down there and just say hello, and tell them that whenever I drive by that it looks like they're having a good time. Who knows, they might say, "Well, why don't you hang out for a while?" or, "Yep. Wanna beer?" or they might look at me like I'm crazy and tell me to get off their property... Who knows? But it would be interesting to see what would happen.
Although it's unlikely that I'll ever muster up the courage to do anything like that. So I'll probably just continue to drive by and see them and continue to wonder.

unintentional progress

2005-06-26T12:00:00.000-05:00

As a preacher, I love my manuscript. I appreciate carefully crafted and well thought out words and phrases. I find it easier to get my thoughts across, and make sure I say what needs to be said, if I have them written in front of me. There may be times I decide to add a little, or perhaps even skip over a sentence or two, but I appreciate the comfort and reassurance I feel from having what I'm going to say tangibly in front of me.

This can sometimes lead to a little too much dependence on the manuscript, however. I understand the importance of eye contact and engaging your audience, and know how boring it can be to sit through a pastor that reads his sermon rather than preach it. But that doesn't always keep me from loving my manuscript too much. In my preaching class at seminary last year, one of the first words out of the professor's mouth when I had finished preaching in front of the class was, "What a glorious day it will be when Mark becomes less dependent on his manuscript!"

I've definitely made progress. Members of the congregation have repeatedly told me that they've seen improvement in this area as the year has progressed. But Supervising, who preaches sans manuscript, encourages every one of his interns to try preaching without one, as well. In my Learning Service Agreement, which is basically some learning and professional goals set for the year, the first goal on the page is to become less dependent on my manuscript. So, it is something I want to work towards.

But I wasn't wanting to do it today.

You see, I procrastinated writing this sermon almost as long as I possibly could. I found excuse after excuse to aid me in this cause. Monday was my day off. Of course I will do no work that day! Tuesday I had a funeral, so as it should be, all my time was spent with the details that needed doing for that. Wednesday... well, I didn't have much of an excuse as to why I didn't work on it on Wednesday... and my excuses kind of fall apart every day after that. But, I suppose at the time they seemed very real and very convincing. Which is why all day Friday and Saturday morning were spent frantically working on the sermon.

So come time to preach the sermon, and of course I'm not too familiar with it. But I preached it Saturday night, and as I went along I came across parts that, had I run through it previously, I would have figured out didn't flow correctly or seemed to be a little out of place in their current spot in the manuscript. It needed a little tuning up. After church yesterday evening, I read through my sermon, moved some stuff around, took some stuff out and added some other stuff. Much better! I printed it off, paper clipped it together and sat it on my desk.

That brings us to this morning, and our 8am worship service. Things were going a little less than smooth during that service. I got up front to do announcements. As I began talking to the congregation, I realized that my voice wasn't carrying as much as normal. I asked them if my microphone was on. A couple members answered that they didn't believe so. I took the microphone out of my pocket and flicked the switch back and forth. Nothing. I opened the battery hatch, and there was indeed a battery inside. Unfortunately, it had passed away. So, I turn to Supervising and say, "My battery's dead." The congregation laughs. Supervising ran back and grabbed me a new battery as I did the announcements with my outside voice.

There were a few other difficulties during the service, but nothing unforgivable. But then it came time to preach my sermon. I'm going along, really appreciating how this sermon is flowing and how it meshes together much better. But as I keep flipping pages, I think that it doesn't feel as if there is as many pages as their should be. My manuscript felt thicker yesterday. Well, it turns out that I had shortened the sermon a bit, and took out more than I added in. So there were a couple less pages because of that (I increase the font to a large size, and double space the lines, so it's easier to read and doesn't require too much concentration or focus on the page) and, oh yeah, I was missing the last page of my sermon.

As I'm going along and preaching what should have been the second to last page, I'm frantically wondering what I'm going to do, how I'm going to fix this mess, and WHY IS MY PAGE MISSING? I look at Supervising in the front row, searching for any sign of a sly grin or a victorious gleam in his eye... Nothing. I'm getting closer to the end of the page... I have to figure something out soon... I can't just stop my sermon now... HELP ME!!!!

So I decided to go boldly forward, and to preach what I could remember. Of course my body reacted to this unexpected change. I tensed up a bit. My voice grew a bit softer and shakier. Supervising told me later it was as if someone had punched me in the stomach (it's always pleasant to hear that you were preaching like someone who'd just been punched. You should have someone tell you that, sometime). But I remembered most of what I wanted to say, at least the general message, and finished the sermon. A few people asked what had happened, and I explained, and that seemed to make them appreciate the sermon even more. As it turns out the printer must have just run out of paper and stopped, unable to continue printing my sermon.

So I began to consider what I should do for our 10:30 service. Do I print off the missing material so that I have it for the next go round? That was the most tempting option, and it would have been easy to do. But I decided that since I had unexpectedly had to preach my last page without it written in front of me, and had done a successful (if not aesthetically pleasing) job, that since I would be expecting it this time it would be much easier. So I didn't print off the last page, and I preached it from memory. There were a few nervous behaviors, but for the most part my voice remained steady and strong and I maintained good eye contact with the congregation.

So, what have I learned from this? That I am, indeed, capable of preaching without a manuscript. It is something that is very much within my power and capabilities to do. Though it is also something that needs a little more preparation before I try riding without the training wheels for support. But just as any bike rider knows, eventually the training wheels come off and the bike rides much more smoothly and quickly after that.

oh so painless!

2005-06-25T22:27:00.000-05:00

and in the name of science!!!

click here:

and take this MIT survey about weblogs. It only took about fifteen minutes, and the larger their sample, the better chance they have of being unbiased.
And there are a selection of different graphics you can put on your blog after you take the test. I chose this one because it seemed kind of political, if in a humorous way. And then it made me think of that "Free Nelson Mandela" song by Special AKA. So, now I have that song in my head...

I also like this one, so I'm including it, too:

war of the lutherans... or, it hurt when i fell

2005-06-25T13:41:00.000-05:00

I read something on a blog somewhere that I arrived at through a series of random links, that was written by a pastor from the Lutheran Church - Missouri Synod. Now, if you don't know much about the Lutheran Church, saying the Missouri Synod might confuse you. In fact, it confuses members of my own church. The ELCA is split up into synods, many with names like Northeast Ohio Synod or Nebraska Synod or Florida-Bahamas Synod. And these are all parts of the ELCA. Now, Missouri (in the ELCA) does not have its own synod. It is part of the Central States Synod. But sometimes when people hear a reference to the Missouri Synod, they can often think of a synod of the ELCA. That is not the case. The Lutheran Church - Missouri Synod is it's own independent church body which is not confined to the state of Missouri. It started out, when it began, as The German Evangelical Lutheran Synod of Missouri, Ohio and Other States in 1847, and it's name was shortened on its 100th anniversary.
Now, the LCMS is known for its conservative views on most things, including the ordination of women and the communing of nonmembers (meaning they don't allow either...). They don't fraternize with other denominations, and they seem to harbor special ill will towards the ELCA because we dare to call ourselves Lutheran, and they don't recognize us as an authentic Lutheran (or even Christian) faith.
Anyway, back to the original point of this entry, in the blog I read, this LCMS pastor basically demonized the ELCA for all of their "sins," especially even considering ordaining homosexuals and for tainting ourselves by having open communion with the Episcopalians and UCC. He said some pretty harsh and spiteful things, all in the name of Jesus.
And I was angry. How dare he make us look like the bad guys for exploring ways to broaden our Christian community, for recognizing that there is more the same than there is different with our Episcopal and UCC friends, and for considering the possibility of including everyone in the Body of Christ. Just because we're different from you doesn't mean we're wrong! I wanted to yell at this man, to tell him how hurtful and mean and close-minded and ignorant he was being. And then, it hit me...
Don't I do the very same thing? Don't I look down on him because I see him as close minded and ignorant? Don't I disregard him because he interprets things a bit differently? Why is his offense greater than mine? (Besides the obvious reason that his offense offended me, of course)
Of course this hit me a couple of hours after reading the blog, and I'd had time to sit there and stew on it and build myself up because I'm inclusive and liberal and expansive and progressive and open minded, and tear him down because he's exclusive and conservative and narrow and regressive and close minded. So when this realization came to me, I had quite a distance to fall as I came tumbling off the pedestal I had made for myself. And then I got to sit there and feel kind of hypocritical and stupid.
So, I've decided to do what good ol' Marty Luther says, in his explanation of the 8th commandment (you shall not bear false witness against your neighbor), and strive to interpret my neighbors' actions in the best possible light. They may not agree with me, they may say things that are diametrically opposed to what I believe to be true, but I must remind myself that they are coming (hopefully) out of a place of faith and devotion and the desire to do what they believe is right and true. I don't have to agree with them, I don't have to like what they say, and I can even speak out against them, but I should strive to always do so with compassion and humility and tact.
That's a pretty small task, right?

this is fun

2005-06-23T15:59:00.000-05:00

You are Angela Davis! You were the THIRD WOMYN IN
HISTORY to appear on the FBI's Most Wanted
List. You are a communinist, black power-lovin'
lady who shook up the United States when you
refused to lie down quietly to oppression. You
WENT TO JAIL! Wow. You kick so much more ass
than Foxxy Brown.

Which Western feminist icon are you?
brought to you by

self check out

2005-06-22T22:19:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I love the self check out lanes at stores. Like if I'm buying something that I really don't want the whole world to know I'm buying, or just don't feel like having to interact with a real person on a particular day, self check out lanes come in handy.

But sometimes, they are distinctly of the devil.

Take today, for instance. We have this older guy who is trying to start a water ski ministry at church. Well, he's been trying to start one for the last 7 years, or so. That's a whole other issue, so I won't get started on that, but he called and invited me out to the river today, and despite the issues surrounding this thing, I said okay. I was told I needed to bring my lunch. So before I drove out to the river, I stopped at the local grocery store to get some things for my lunch. As I was getting ready to check out, I noticed that all of the available real people had lines, and there were several open self check out lanes open. So I went to the nearest one. I scanned my first item and it told me how much it cost, so I put it in the bag in the bagging area. Then the nice automated woman said, "Unidentified item in the bagging area. Please remove item from the bagging area." So, I did. Then the voice said, "Item removed from the bagging area. Please return item to the bagging area before continuing." So, I did. Then the voice said, "Unidentified item in the bagging area. Please remove item from the bagging area." So, I did. Then the voice said, "Item removed from the bagging area. Please return item to the bagging area before continuing." And there was really nothing I could do, because it required a store log in before I could continue. So I looked over at a random store employee and gave her an exasperated look as the light above me flashed red, letting everyone know that somehow I was incapable of utilizing a self check out lane. After she scanned her little card and fixed the situation, she continued to watch over my shoulder as I scanned each successive item. I felt as if I was in kindergarten and working with fingerpaints or glue and the teacher felt I needed extreme supervision.
Of course, it did happen to be the same self check out lane that I have written about before, where I somehow managed to make it go haywire and then was verbally berated by a cashier before I think she flirted with me. Here's the link to that story.
And if you've already read my previous post about the clown picture, I've added a second one. So I encourage you to go and check it out.

the promised clown pictures

2005-06-22T15:36:00.000-05:00

Here is the picture of me as a clown for Vacation Bible School that I said I would try and post. Not the best make up job in the world, but it was pretty good, I think. This picture was on Thursday, and in it I am chilling with my pal who was a third grader, and that day, especially, seemed to be permanently attached to me.

(the thing to the left of the picture is "Chompy," a little puppet made out of a piece of notebook paper. The 4th grader, to whom Chompy belonged, was hilarious. He said that he has had Chompy for almost three years, now. Chompy is holding some hair from my wig in his mouth. It seems he thought it was cotton candy.)

Here we have a picture of me (on Wednesday, I believe) with one of the volunteers. I picked this picture to show that I had a different colored shirt everyday, and also you get a better view of my socks in this picture. I am proud of them. I apologize for it being so small. I'm not sure how to alter the size without distorting the picture. I lack tech savvy.

long winded preachers and banana bread

2005-06-22T00:12:00.000-05:00

Ideally, I like to talk to the family members of the dearly departed when I'm doing a funeral. It allows the family members the opportunity to share memories about the loved one, and it also helps me figure out what to say at the funeral, and what will give the most comfort for the family members to hear.
That didn't really happen this time.
First, I called the funeral home on Sunday (the day I found out I was doing the funeral) to get a contact number for someone from the family, to perhaps arrange a time to get together and talk, or even to ask a couple of questions over the phone. Well, it forwarded the call to the funeral director's house, since no one was at the funeral home. He had none of the information with him, but said he would fax it over the next morning. If he did, I never saw it.
The daughter of the dearly departed ended up calling and leaving a message on the church answering machine. She's from Missouri. Her mother lived in Indiana. They had a service for her mother in Indiana, and they wanted a service for her here, as well. Seems she was born here and still has a lot of family in the area, and she's being buried here. Guess they thought they needed another service. And I'm sure the funeral home wasn't going to turn down their money.
I ended up, after playing some phone tag, getting a hold of the daughter who was en route, as we were speaking, to town from wherever in Indiana the previous service was held. So I didn't really feel as if it was the most opportune time to begin asking questions and such. First, I think talking on the phone and driving at the same time is dangerous enough. Add something as emotional as the death of your mother into the mix, and you're playing with fire! So I kept the conversation short, and said I would see her at the funeral home.
When I got to the funeral home she came up to me, and the first words out of her mouth were, "Reverend, I'm not trying to be mean or anything, so don't take this the wrong way, but mom never liked long winded preachers." Since I had no personal information to use in writing the sermon, it is the shortest of the funeral sermons I have had to write. So, I told her that there were no worries, that this sermon would not be long. She also said that her mom liked to bake and the day she died she had baked 12 loaves of banana bread. They snuck one of the loaves into her casket in a White Castle bag. I thought that was funny.
So, I preached the sermon, and at the end I said that we live in hope that some day we will all be reunited in the place that Jesus has gone ahead to prepare for us. And then, spur of the moment, I added, "And I hear there will be plenty of banana bread for us when we get there." That got some chuckles out of the people. I was glad that it was taken well.
It felt as if I only made a cameo appearance at this funeral. In a fit of nervousness, Sunday I asked Supervising if he would be willing to go with me to the funeral. It was at a funeral home out of town, to one I had not yet been to, and I just thought it would be nice to have a familiar face in the crowd. After we got there I loosened up, and he sat in the office so I never saw him, but it was a bit reassuring to know that he was there, although I didn't need him to be. The funeral service did not take very long, and then we drove out to the cemetery. I rode in the hearse, and talked with one of the men about what it was like to be an on-call employee of the funeral home and to respond to all of the deaths in the area, especially when it's almost 11pm and you're tired and ready for bed.
The graveside service always gets me. Especially in the Lutheran Occasional Services book. It seems you get everybody trucked out to the cemetery, get the casket on the stand, get everyone situated and quieted, and then it's over and the funeral director says, "thanks for coming, there's a reception at [wherever the reception is]" I mentioned that to Supervising, that it seems as if there should be more done at the graveside, but he said that people don't want that. They like that it gets done quickly.
So yeah... I hope that I spoke words of grace and hope to the family. I hope that out of the mumbling and stammering that I did that they were able to glean some Good News. I have heard that God can speak from the mouth of an ass, so hopefully God was even able to speak from my mouth to offer words of comfort and assurance to that family.

i'll take Potpourri for 200, Alex

2005-06-20T12:05:00.000-05:00

Synod Assembly was a good time. Lots of schmoozing with fun pastor-types, some reunions with classmates and a few seminary grads, some irreverent humor in the backrow, some really good food, a little joking around with the Bishop, and a lot of making fun of the typos in the song lyrics in the Power Point slideshow. One of the main topics discussed at the assembly was the ELCA's Taskforce on Sexuality's recommendations concerning people in same sex relationships and the church's response. There are three recommendations, the first was that regardless of what happens and what decisions are made, that the ELCA continue to strive for unity, and promise to work together despite the wide variety of opinions regarding the matter of homosexuality. The second recommendation was that the church still define marriage as being between a man and a woman, but allow congregations some leeway in determining the best way to minister to same sex relationships, leaving the door open for the blessing of these relationships. The third recommendation is that the church still adhere to the policy that people in same sex relationships are not allowed to be ordained/consecrated/commisioned, but to allow for more effective ministry to the gay and lesbian community, that there be an allowance for some exceptions without any disciplinary actions, which is left up to the Bishop of the synod.
Now there are many reasons to disagree or agree with these recommendations. You could disagree because you think they go to far, or you might think that they don't go far enough and create a second class citizenship. You could agree with them because you think they are at least a step in the right direction, or because it still upholds everything that we have previously professed but allows some leeway for congregations to determine what is the best way to minister to their own people.
I tend to agree with them because they are steps in the right direction. They are better than what we have now, I think. Sure, they're not perfect, they might not give gay and lesbian people all the rights and privileges that they were hoping for, and deserve, but at least they finally seem to be getting some. I think most of the people in this synod agreed with that, and this is why I'm really beginning to love this synod, and they approved of all three recommendations. The first two passed with a large majority, the third passed by a much, much smaller margin. The Taskforce also released two different positions, which add some clarity to the third recommendation, which gives more of an idea of why people did not approve it. The first position was that homosexuality is sinful and "any church policy that seems to approve of such behavior is a betrayal of the authority of Scripture and an ignoring of the natural order." The second position sees homosexuality as a condition, not a choice, and that scripture that supposedly speaks out against homosexuality is really speaking out against behaviors that are abusive or God-denying, which can include some homosexual acts but can also include MANY heterosexual acts, and that there are "growing numbers of congregations ministering to gay and lesbian persons whose mission might both accept and be enriched by gay and lesbian pastors and rostered leaders." 146 persons agreed with position one, while 229 disagreed. 259 agreed with position 2, while 152 disagreed. It made me happy to sit there and think that I was amongst a majority of people who were able to recognized the gifts that God has given to our GLBT brothers and sisters, and the ministry they can offer.

I was sad when we left Synod Assembly early, to get back in time for our Saturday evening worship service, because we left right before one of the things I had wanted to see. During the Synod assembly they have a Synod Youth Assembly. They were getting up to share their report right as we had to leave. I was sad to miss it.
But then we got home and went through worship and then I got to go to a reception for a young man who just graduated from West Point Academy. It would be an understatement to say that his parents are proud of him. They are also one of my favorite families at church because they are all absolutely some of the nicest people I've met, and they have a hot tub. So time with them is always fun.

Then, Sunday I was sitting at my desk when Supervising walks in to my office and puts a little piece of paper down on my desk. It's an obituary. I don't recognize the name, but I read over it just in case it might be a member or relative of a member. I get to the end and have no clue why he has given it to me when he says, "It doesn't say it, but the funeral will be officiated by Pastor Intern Mark." My brow furrowed. I was pissed off. I couldn't believe that he was shoving this funeral on me because he didn't want to do it. And with only 2 days notice. I grumbled and stomped around getting ready for worship that morning. Angry that I was being inconvenienced.
But then, suddenly, a thought hit me. Someone needs to speak words of grace and salvation to that family. Someone needs to assure them that their wife/mother/grandmother is indeed in the loving arms of God. And why not me? Why shouldn't I be the one to proclaim this good news to these grieving people? Why shouldn't I see it as a privilege and honor rather than an inconvenience and a chore?
So I'm trying. God, give me the grace and ability.

and so it ends...

2005-06-16T16:29:00.000-05:00

Today was my last day of Vacation Bible School. The official last day is tomorrow, but as I will be attending Synod Assembly and all the meetings and discussions and whatnot that accompany one of those, I will not get the chance to see the wonderful children one last time.

Now, don't get me wrong, I enjoy Synod Assemblies. The large worship services, the networking and schmoozing, the booths and tables advertising different religious organizations. It has the potential to be a lot of fun. And, as the subtitle of my blog states, I am a church nerd. So why wouldn't I love the Synod Assembly?

But, I enjoy (even more) Vacation Bible School. I was talking to some of the youth who have volunteered this week and I said that I wish VBS ran all summer (granted I did not have a hand in the organization and running of VBS, but I did have to put on clown makeup everyday and endure the onslaught of pokes and pulls and grabs). I just enjoy being in that sort of atmosphere with youth who are excited to be there, and VBS always seems to pull in quite a few youth who aren't regular attenders. But it goes beyond that. VBS has always been a good thing for me. I remember, in days of yore, going to church with my sack lunch and learning and playing and then eating my lunch outside on the church lawn. I remember, in high school, being in charge of recreation and taking the kids outside to play and running amok in the field and the park with them. I remember leading arts and crafts one summer and helping the kids make eyes of God with yarn and tongue depressors, or plaster of paris hand prints, or any number of really neat activities that seemed to only come around during that one week of summer. I admit I LOVE Vacation Bible School.

And granted I have had to put on clown makeup everyday, which in itself is not so bad. But getting thos triangles above and below your eyes just right with a stick of makeup the size of a large crayon is no easy chore. And then comes the running around on a warm summer day in a wig, and thick cakey makeup and really hot socks that come up to above your knee. Then there are the children who want to unhook your suspenders, or snap your suspenders, or take off your wig, or think you should make them ANOTHER balloon animal because their's popped when they were using it as a weapon against another child, or who won't listen to a word you say (because you're a clown, and thus not an affective authority figure), or the endless scrubbing scrubbing scrubbing to get the makeup off of your face so you can continue your day and make your hospital visits without scaring people to death.

But then there are those moments that make it all worthwhile. When a small child shares an animal cracker with you. When you walk into a room and it is filled with excited shouts like, "There's the clown!" or "Clown Mark!" (I was unimaginative with a clown name, plus most of the kids already knew me so I figured just go with the name ya got). There are the times when you hear through the grapevine about how people are so appreciative of the clowns, and that word has gotten to parents and grandparents about the fun clowns at VBS. Or when the church secretary comes into your office and says that she has been hearing all about how you are so good in interacting with the kids. Or when a small child comes up and gives you a hug. Or when you hear the laughter of 75+ kids as you do a goofy little dance in the front of the sanctuary. Those are the times when the makeup and the scrubbing and the poking and the snapping and the sweating and the itching seem to fade away and you are just so thankful that you have been blessed with such an amazing opportunity.