I was supposed to visit a member in the hospital, because he had requested communion. So Thursday afternoon I go to the hospital, check the sheet especially for clergy to find out what room he's in, and then I go to his room. Well, there were several people in the room, looked like possibly family and/or friends, and I didn't want to interrupt so I just figured I'd come back the next day. The next day I come back and the room is much less busy. Although the patients in the room are not the one that I was supposed to see. Bewildered, I walk back to the front desk, check the sheet again, and find out I had been going to the wrong room the whole time. So I head for the right room, only this time the door is shut. I have no idea what to do. Rather than knocking or asking for help I hang around for a few minutes to see if the door will open. It doesn't. I figure supervising-pastor can get it on his visit because at this point I'm a little flustered, anyway.
Tale #1 happened much the same time as the broken window and the fridge whizzing on the floor. While not so much a direct result of my bumbling, it still adds to the whole thing. Therefore they get a tale of their own.
So last night at the Saturday evening worship service, I had just finished holding a chalice of wine and a chalice of grape juice for communion, and Supervising and the other communion assistant had to walk out into the congregation to commune one of our less mobile members. So I turn around and start walking up the stairs to put the chalices back on the table when the toe of my shoe catches the hem of my robe and I stumble up the stairs. Luckily I did not fall, nor did I spill any blood of Christ on the stairs or my robe. So I tell the Supervising about it, and he asks a couple of people if they notice. He asks a high school girl if she noticed, she says no, but I guess her little brother thought I ran into the candelabra... I didn't even notice that I did that, though. So I must have been so focused on the fact that I almost fell in front of everyone, and everyone has to have noticed, that I didn't notice running into the candelabra... and THAT is what other people noticed.
So on non-preaching weekends I am in charge of leading the congregation in the Apostles' Creed and passing of the peace. So after we said the creed I turn to the congregation and say "The peace of the Lord be with you always!" To which they reply "And also with you." Then I say "Share that peace with one another." or something similar. Today the something similar sounded more like "Share that piss -PEACE- with one another..." I was slightly embarrassed. I didn't quite say piss but it was pretty darn close. I distinctly heard some chuckling in the congregation. I would have chuckled, too. So I couldn't be indignant... Much like the pastor's comment about my house being "almost like a real house" or whatever he said.
During the contemporary worship service, those of us who sing in the band stand in front of the congregation one step up on the stairs that lead to the altar area. Our microphones and stands rest on the floor one step down from us. Since Supervising preached today i helped sing during distribution, rather than distributing. Supervising asked me to watch him and if he held up a wafer it meant that he needed me to go and grab extras. So I glance and notice that there are no extras out, so I figured before we started singing I would run back and grab an extra packet of "Christ Crispies" (as someone called them... they are the little round styrofoamy wafers). So I do so, and as I'm coming back down the stairs, I am looking down not paying much attention and run head first into the microphone. It makes kind of a thunking noise, and I say "Oh!" and this sets the two high school girls next to me into a fit of the church giggles. Well, that gets me started to (okay honestly I would have had my own fit of church giggles regardless of the reaction of those around me). So the mother of one of the high school girls who also sings and plays keyboard for the band is noticing her daughter and daughter's friend not singing, so she's mouthing "Sing!" at them. I confessed that it was my fault afterwards, and everyone enjoyed a good laugh at my expense.
So after the contemporary service, which is our last service of the weekend, I head back to the library (which also serves as robe storage and dressing room) to take the battery out of my microphone and put it in the little machine that refills it with power (i've done had a brainfart and can't remember the right word! Not recycle... not renew... Dangit!). So I open the battery hatch and noticed that there is no battery in it. Which means there wasn't a battery in it for the Saturday service or either of the Sunday services. Hopefully people heard me.
Wow, so sometimes my ability to bumble amazes even myself. Luckily most people in this church have a sense of humor and were able to laugh with
me about everything.
p.s. in case you were worried, after finishing this entry and reading through it I remembered the word I was looking for is "recharge." The battery was rechargeable and needed recharging. Grood.