After having a hectic couple of weeks of trying to cram in all the work that I should have been wisely working on for much longer, the intitial feeling of turning in that final paper and realizing that I did not have any other school work to be done, I have to admit the feeling was a bit euphoric. While I did not run up and down the hallway screaming, I did knock on my friend's door and jump around and scream, "I'm dooooo-o-o-oooo-oo-o-ooooone!" As she had to finish a paper, she was not as amused or as excited as I would have hoped.
But now the excitement is wearing off, a bit. A lot of people have packed up and headed off to their various Christmas destinations. I don't leave for mine until Monday, because I have a SENIOR GRADUATION COMMITTEE meeting on Monday morning. The fact that we have to start planning that stuff seems a bit unreal. And, of course, I'm on the committee. I've always had a tendency to overextend myself. This year is no exception. In fact, it's like it has gone above and beyond the call of duty to prove the rule. Working in the Admissions office and the youth room on campus, co-vice president of the student government association, on the youth committee, on the Feminist issues newsletter team, in charge of planning our weekly evening vespers service (we've been doing Holden Evening Prayer lately... boo yah!), add into that schoolwork and a social life (very important!), and then two committees I'm on that haven't met yet (the senior banquet committee - the one that meets Monday - and then the senior gift committee. We've decided to all pledge enough money to redo the playground on campus, so that it is up to code for the wee ones. I'm super excited that our class has decided to do that, and I thought that since I have been a strong youth ministry presence on campus during my years, that I just couldn't NOT be on that committee. So, I volunteered.) Yeah. I have this desire to be plugged into the life of campus, I guess you could say.
But now, since Friday was the last official day of the semester, things have just kind of stopped. People are gone for break, the seminary has quieted down a bit, I have nothing going on or that needs to be done. I have had time to sit and think, and chat with friends, about first call assignment and how close graduation is and how soon we'll be heading out from this place into the Great Unknown. Makes me want to say, "Eek!"
Anyway, I will be heading to my parents' house for Christmas. I'll be leaving Monday after my committee meeting. I know that they have internet access, and so chances are that there will be time and opportunity to write, but I am unsure of my schedule. I know that my parents want to spend time with my older brother, so I can actually meet my niece. She's about a year old now, I think, and I have yet to see her in person. Of course, it's been more than a year since I have been back to my parents' house. And my brother and his family don't live too far from them. So, that would be why I haven't met her.
Also, over Christmas break I have rescheduled my approval interview with my candidacy committee. So, I'll be able to get that last step of the process out of the way. Plus, it's at the camp I worked at during the summers of my college years. And they have done a lot of building out there, so it will look completely different.
Well, then. Now that I've completely bored you all to tears, I will go. No need to pretend that this was interesting. I don't think that even I think any of what I wrote is worth reading. It's like the movie Billy Madison, when Adam Sandler does that long speech about the poky little puppy, or whatever, and the moderator says, "I think we are all a bit more stupid after having had to sit through that." Or something like that. I'm sure that's how most of you feel. But please keep coming back and reading. I assure you, someday somewhere I might, once again, pull something witty and humorous and intelligent out of the blackhole that now exists in my head.
I just turned in my last paper of the semester. I have too much energy to sit and write a real entry right now. I'm going to go run around the halls screaming. Be back soon.
I KNOW! I know that I said I would be taking a break from this blog until I was finished with what I needed to do to finish up this semester. But the truth is, I enjoy my blogging time too much. I like putting my thoughts and observations into written form. So, I think that it is an outlet for me in the midst of this end of the semester busyness to be able to take a moment to write something down. I guess that means I'm going to disregard my earlier entry and continue to blog when I feel so moved.
And now I have an announcement... My first call forms are filled out and have been sent in. These forms which will directly impact the next few years of my life... heck, who am I kidding, the REST of my life... are filled out and I've e-mailed them off and now I can't change anything about them. Immediately after I e-mailed them to the place where they are supposed to go I read through them. I second guessed some of my answers, thought I should have worded some of them differently or better, wondered if I should have even said some of the things that I did, or added some things that I had chosen to leave off. I freaked out a bit about the order I put to the preferences that I chose. There were some synods that I thought about choosing, where people I know and love currently live, and that are doing great things to minister to people in their context, but I didn't feel like they had as many opportunities to do the ministry to which I most feel called. There are some synods that important people have recommended that they think I would find more opportunities to find my ideal call. The only thing about some of those synods were that I have never lived near them and I don't know very many people in them.
I decided that following the call of God is not supposed to be easy and safe. It reminds me of a conversation that takes place in The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe
(soon to be released as a major motion picture!! go see it!!!) where Susan and Lucy are talking to Mr. Beaver about Aslan:
"Aslan a man? Certainly not. I tell you he is the King of the wood and the son of the great Emperor-beyond-the Sea. Don't you know who is the King of Beasts? Aslan is a lion-- the Lion, the great Lion."
"Ooh!" said Susan. "I'd thought he was a man. Is he--quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion."
"That you will, dearie, and make no mistake," said Mrs. Beaver, "if there's anyone who can appear before Aslan without their knees knocking, they're either braver than most or else just silly."
"Then he isn't safe?" said Lucy.
"Safe?" said Mr. Beaver. "Don't you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about being safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you."
Following the call of God in my life isn't about being safe. It's about prayerfully considering where God might be calling me to go, and going there. Sure, there will be some fear. My knees will be knocking. But it will be good. And so, I decided to go ahead and follow the little tug that I was feeling and I put down the unknown, distant places first.
And I'm not going to lie. There is definitely some fear. Some wondering if I made the right choice, but also reminding myself that it's done. I can't go back and change anything. I just need to wait and trust that God will work through the process and will call me where God needs and wants me to be. And that, my friends, is much easier said than done.
Well, it's getting to that time of the semester when one gets bogged down by trying to cram 14 weeks of work into the remaining two. It's a little bit of a struggle for me to keep my head above water at this point, with papers due and first call paperwork needing to be finished and books to read and projects to finish up. Unfortunately, some things need to give, and I'm afraid that one of those will need to be this blog. But do not fret! This is not good-bye. It is merely a "see you later" until I finish what NEEDS to be finished. And, I'm sure, I will continue to poke my head in here, if only briefly. Maybe just to drop a note to say that I am, indeed, still alive and kicking. And who knows. My resolve to focus on what I should be focusing on might not be that great. Or I might be struck with some great idea that I will just need to share with my blogging community. In that case, I'm sure I will find my way back here among you all. But, for right now, my intentions are to spend my time wisely on the work that needs doing.
Blessings during this holiday season, and I look forward to engaging in conversation with you all again, when I get to a point in my life where I am more capable to do some engaging.