this is no longer my blog

Tuesday, November 16, 2004


they manipulated the truth

Okay, this story reveals some domestic ineptitudes on my part, and also that I've been fraternizing with the enemy, but given the circumstances I think you will understand the latter one. I really have no excuse for the prior, although it is something I am working on.

So we have a potluck lunch tomorrow at church. With the "Young at Heart" group, which is about a group of ten retired aged members of the congregation, mostly older women and two older gentleman, plus Supervising, his wife and daughter, and me. I decided that I want to show the people that just because I am a single male does not mean I cannot prepare something for this, or any other, potluck. So last time I made a pasta salad (granted it came from a box), then for committee night potluck I made green bean casserole. So this time I decided to make tuna noodle casserole. It's quick and easy and OH SO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! But I forgot that I was planning on doing that until... ooooh... about 9:40 this evening. I then realized that I had none of the required ingredients (okay, I had a few) for tuna noodle casserole - namely the tuna and the noodles. So, where does one go at a quarter 'til 10 when one needs groceries? Well, a Hy-Vee or other 24 hour grocery store, of course. But what if one of those is not nearby (or at least is unknown to the person requiring the groceries at a quarter 'til 10)? Wal-Mart, of course! And God knows nearly EVERY community has a Wal-Mart or one within easy driving distance. So I decided I needed to go to Wal-Mart, or as a friend refers to it - Mordor. Granted I might not agree with some of their business practices or how they impact local businesses and communities when they move in, but in a pinch I sometimes have to put my morals aside to buy some stinkin' groceries.
So I went to Wal-Mart and was buying the necessary ingredients when it occured to me that I might not have a dish big enough to bake my casserole. So I thought I'd browse the cookware aisles and pick up something. I found a package of pyrex cookware that said it was a package of four pieces, and it was only about $12 so I thought for four pieces of cookware, that was a pretty good deal. It wasn't a very large package, but I figured I only needed something as big as the dish that was holding everything, so it didn't matter if the other pieces were smaller. So I went through the self check out line (no offense, but I often find it easier and more pleasant to check myself out than to have to deal with some of the people that work at this Wal-Mart). I came home and went through my groceries and opened the package of pyrex cookware and pulled out two casserole dishes. Hmm... I looked at the label. Sure enough it says "4 piece value pack." I'm perplexed... Was this false advertising? Could I be righteously indignant? Sure, it said four piece value pack on the outside, but really I only needed the one dish, and still $12 for the two dishes was a pretty good deal, but it was the PRINCIPLE of the matter!! It said 4 piece value pack and all it had was two casserole dishes and their lids... Wait a minute! 2 dishes + 2 lids= 4 pieces... Now, perhaps this is the point in the story that I show my domestic ineptitude (that and the fact that I did not have a piece of cookware large enough to make tuna noodle casserole...) but should lids really be considered pieces of a 4 piece value pack of cookware? Or did Pyrex manipulate the truth? Do I have the right to be righteously indignant over the fact that the wool was pulled over my eyes?
And now I'm nervous about making this tuna noodle casserole. Granted, it is by far towards the bottom of the list on the "List of recipes in order of difficulty," and if I were just cooking it for myself, it would be no big deal and if it didn't turn out exactly right I would just shrug my shoulders and put some more cheese and potato chips on it and eat it anyway. But I'm cooking for other people here, and these are not ordinary people, these are people that I feel as if I need to prove that I have the capacity to take care of and fend for myself. Some people have made "single male" cracks, whether it be about housekeeping or meal making... and I feel as if I need to prove that I am more than capable of cooking darn good food. And I know that they don't mean any harm by these jokes, and perhaps they are trying to find a way to connect with me, but that doesn't mean I don't want the opportunity to say something like "HA! You may think that because I'm a young single male that I lack any amount of domestic aptitude, but I cooked this tuna noodle casserole my damn self!! How do you like them apples? Yeah, that's what I thought! You can totally kiss my hairy, white arse!" At this point I would do a little dance on the table top, and then eat the creamed corn dish (that one of the women always brings and everyone loves) out of the dish using only my mouth (show us how a piggy eats!). That would show them!!
Anyway, it's getting close to my bed time... And I need to rest up so that I am energized enough to create the casserole masterpiece tomorrow. So I'm signing off for the night. Good night and God bless!!!

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