this is no longer my blog

Thursday, January 20, 2005


rough in the jewel

So there is a chain of grocery stores in these here parts called Jewel. And I had a craving for some mountain dew so i drove to my local Jewel to get some. Well, they were on sale - four six packs of 24 oz bottles for $10. Well, I'd like to think that I'm capable of some sort of restraint and realized that there was no way I needed 24 bottles of soda, so I only bought two six pack thingies.
As I walked up to the cash register, there was only one line open and a guy had just walked into that line before I got there. But there were two self-checkout lines open. So I decided to use the self checkout line. So I walk up, push the button that says I want it in English, and right then the light for a second line flips on and the customer in the other lane says "Look at him [meaning me]," he didn't even want to go through your line."
I look up, see the light on and say, "Oh, I didn't notice. I would have gone through your line..." Then I ring up one pack of my mt dew and sit it in the bagging area. It rang up correctly, but as soon as I sat it in the bagging area this loud computerized voice said "Unknown object in the bagging area. Please remove object from bagging area." So I pick it up and sit it elsewhere. Well, this employee comes storming over and says "Oh!!! You broke it!"
So I said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to!"
"If you're going to break it," she says, "make sure you break it like that one over there." and she nods towards one that is apparently broken.
"I'll try better next time," I said. She waves her little employee name tag/bar code in the scanner and it fixes the problem and she leaves. So I scan my next mountain dew pack. I put it in the bagging area' "Unknown object in the bagging area. Please remove object from bagging area."
So my friend comes storming back over. "What'd you do THIS time?" she asks. "Oh," she says, looking at the screen "You didn't scan this one."
"But I did! It made the noise!"
"It didn't say a price, did it? I swear, it's a guy thing. Guys just can't use these machines." So she fixes it again, and I am able to pay. I look at the other employee who is just standing there waiting for another customer and she looks at me.
"If I had known it would be this much of a problem, I would have just gone through one of your lines!" I say.
She nods. "I think those things are slow."
In the midst of the whole brouhaha (that's a good word) I hadn't bagged anything, and so I was trying to put the bottles in a plastic bag just so they'd be easier to carry and i'd only have to expose one hand to the bitter cold on the way to the car. I had already paid and gotten my receipt, so I thought it would be okay to sit the bottles on the bagging area. Big mistake. "Unknown object in the bagging area. Please remove object from the bagging area." So I pick up the bottles now in a bag and the voice keeps talking. So the employee says "Is there a green button that says 'item removed.'"
Then the first employee comes storming over. "What are you doing to my machine?!?"
"I DON'T KNOW! I thought I followed the directions!"
"Did you get your receipt?"
"Yes,"says employee #2, "It already said your receipt will print under the pin pad device."
Employee #1 pushes some buttons and things seem alright. "Next time," I say "I'll save everyone the trouble and I'll just go through one of the regular lines."
"Sounds good," employee #1 says and I hear as I'm walking out the door, "Remember, I work nights."

Huh?!? Did I just get flirted with?

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