this is no longer my blog

Monday, February 28, 2005


another notch on my ordination belt

i attended another ordination yesterday. It wasn't quite as big as the last one I went to, because only two people were getting ordained as opposed to the four that got ordained last time. I am still having issues with the whole group ordination thing. I can understand why they do it - because it's about the call from God, and serving the Church, and all that community language... but it doesn't take away from the fact that I'm human, and it is going to be MY ordination [editor's note: at this point, I should insert the word "hopefully," and not automatically assume that I will be ordained. There is still a long road ahead before that happens, including six more months of internship, 9 more months of seminary education, approval from my home synod candidacy committee, approval from the faculty at my seminary, then a bishop somewhere in these wonderful United States has to want me as a pastor in their synod, and then a church has to want me for their pastor, and then AFTER ALL OF THAT I will finally get ordained], and being human I naturally want MY ordination to be about ME. I don't want to share the spotlight with other people. I know it won't be the end of the world if I do end up in a group ordination, and in fact I think it might be a blessing in disguise because then I will have SO MUCH LESS to worry about that day. All I will have to worry about in a group ordination is making sure I follow the line of pastors up to the front of the church, and that I sit in the right spot, and that I answer "I will, with the help of God," when I'm supposed to. Which is significantly less than if I were the only one getting ordained and it was my shindig, and then there'd be a WHOLE LOT MORE to worry about, like making sure the accompanist was there and had the right music, the preacher was there and knew what was going on, that someone was providing food for the reception afterwards... you get the idea. And one of my big fears is that IF i get ordained, that there will be a small crowd. I like ordinations with lots of people and a big procession of pastors and diaconal ministers and associates in ministry, all vested in their robes and red stoles and towels and whatever else marks them as their particular roster in the church. And if you have a group ordination as a synod-wide celebration, then more pastors from the synod are likely to show up (if only to impress the bishop), more people from the other ordinand's home churches/internship sites/other areas of their life will show up and help fill up the church, alongside the people that show up for me. And then I can pretend that most of them came to watch me get ordained, even if it's not true. But I can be pretty good at fooling myself if I need to be. It has worked well in the past, I'm sure it will work just as well at my ordination.
So, hmmm... maybe I AM leaning towards group ordination... Maybe I've just babbled in a complete circle... Maybe I need to go take a nap...

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