this is no longer my blog

Tuesday, April 19, 2005


screaming insecurities

If you have met me, you know I have big ears.
If you know me, you know that this is sort of a soft spot for me. I enjoy teasing and poking fun at one another just as much (if not more) than most people, but if you know me then you know that making fun of my ears is pretty much off limits.
It comes from being made fun of for many years, because even now as a 28 year old my ears are a little oversized, but I think my ears reached their current size when I was in fourth grade. Before the rest of me had time to catch up.
So tonight, when I went over to church for a youth committee meeting a bit late, I was taken by surprise when one of the high school girls there presented me with a picture that she had drawn of me. It was entitled "Super Mark" and had a stick figure standing with his arms in the air. He was wearing a clergy collar and a cape. He had no hair, because the kids like to tease me about my thinning hair, but what I noticed right away were the two ears that were roughly the same size as the head. The two high school girls and PD (see my who's who post to see who PD is) all started to giggle. All I could do was put my hands over the two ears and say, "That hurts my heart."
Now, if you know me, you'll know that I try to cover things up by joking and making light of the situation. And that's what I did in this instance. I mean, I know the girl didn't mean any harm by drawing the picture (although she was quick to say "they made me draw those"), and they don't know the years of teasing with nicknames like "Dumbo." And there is definitely NO SHAME in having big ears. And for the most part, I've gotten over that insecurity. But when it creeps up and gets me like that, it's hard to let it roll off.
So I had one of those "insecure adolescent flashbacks" tonight. And they're not so much fun.

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